Of the Devil Inside
They say that within each and everyone of us lives a mini-me.A smaller version of yourself.I have no idea where that crazy idea originated,but i guess everybody thought that the idea of the Earth being a sphere was anything but fact.It's just a bedside story i guess,an idea used to inspire little kids at night.As fanciful as it is,humans can often manipulate innocent tales into their own evil designs.

Let's say a Mini-You lives inside of your head.Then it is also right to assume that a bunch of Mini-Friends live inside of it as well.You know,all the people that you know in your life must have a place inside of that brain of yours?So in a way,a little world now exists in that head.A world to call your own.I guess that's also how dreams come about.Maybe,in a fantastical way i guess.It is then not a surprise that a devil lives inside of you as well.Of course,a devil never shows his true form.He hides,and he waits.He shows when need be,and he lurks in the dark.Waiting for the right time to strike.And as for me,i am not the type of person who would normally unlease the "Beast" inside.The darker side of myself.The part of me whom i hate the most.Perhaps you can say,i hate so see myself that way.But i guess under abnormal situations and circumstances,the chains to the doors of the dungeon where the "Devil" lies can easily be broken by a blunt blade.Field camp can be a tool,powerful enough to provoke this devil inside.

I just got back from field camp,and if were to describe myself with two words,they would be "Torn" and "Tattered".Indeed,i feel like a rag doll.I feel like i am a doll pulled off the shelf by a toddler who just had her first milk teeth stuck in her gum.Naturally,you would start chewing things with that new teeth of yours.Anything.From couches,to cushions.From your dad's feet to that doll on the shelf.Yeah,i feel like i have my limbs torn apart and head spunned upside down.But then again,i got through this ordeal.I survived,and i guess i should be thankful to be here in one piece to tell the tale.

Like a grandfather beside the fire place,telling old grandfather stories to his grandchildren,here i am again to tell tales of my journey to the forgotten parts of Singapore.Well,no warm fire and warm milk here ladies and gentlemen.Just you and the computer screen for now.So bear with the discomfort.

For some reason,field camp stresses you out.The sergeants kept emphasizing on the fact that Field Camp is going to be a memorable experience.Oh well,i thought i heard that in the video when we saw the introductory video to NS on the first day of enlistenment.The "bullshit-ness" of that video was later confirmed by platoon sergeant David.So you see,nothing here is memorable.Well,that is if you relate the word "Memorable" to "Good memories".Because nightmares can be memorable too.They stay with you and haunts you.Field camp to me brought out the ugly side of me.Really.I just hated myself in that week.Stress does a lot of things to you.I found myself pushing my friends(Not literally)whenever i am in a hurry to accomplish something.I get angry easily,and i felt so much more depressed.Ningshan noticed that change and asked me about it one night before dinner.I wasnt awared that people actually noticed this change,but personally i felt it.And it's not just me.Everybody seemed to have unleashed that beast and was shouting at each other.You see a completely different side of somebody.Perhaps the true self,but you'd never know.

I never thought that i would live through field camp and live to tell about it.After all i went in with a bad headache,a swirling head and a nose that lost control.And in my mind i knew that field camp was not going to make me feel much better physically.I headed to the first camp site anyway,with the area covered with LaLangs if that's how you spell it.The accursed thing about that camp site was the fact that it was covered with Mimosa too.You know,those cute grass that closes its leaves everytime you touch them.Those plants at the side of the roads that never fails to bring up a glimmer of fascination in children's eyes.Anyway,along the stem of a Mimosa are torns that sticks out like the horns of the Devil.And in a way,maybe Mimosa is the creation of the Devil himself.As told,we were asked to prone down whenever we are contacted by the enemy.So with one hand we are supposed to support our body while the rest of it kicks out behind.So whenever i do that on the field i'd go,"Contac...F**k!!!" That is when i proned into a sea of Mimosa.So you see,it shouldnt be a surprise if you were to meet me on the streets with scratches all over my palm.I will smile and whisper softly,"Mimosa."

The second site was better.In fact,it was great.It was the oil palm plantation.The trees were lined up in neat rows,and basically you can see all the way to the edge of the plantation if you were to stand between two trees.The sunlight was never strong enough to peep through those dense leaves above,and at night the area would be shrouded with a thin layer of mist.The smell of the night floating softly in the air,and the crickets in the corner of the woods singing way into the night.Lying in the tent with your eyes closed and the world asleep,it can become a sort of enjoyment amidst the mess.Usually i would take a Ziploc bag and stuff dirty clothes in it so that it becomes a pillow.But i found the SBO to be more of a comfort than anything else.The nights can be blistering cold,and it chills you to the bone.Without a blanket and thoughts to keep you warm,it can get pretty unbearable at times.But i guess everybody just had to suck it right in and tuck yourself in with the rifle between your thighs.You suddenly feel like you are in the middle of nowhere.Just,a corner of the world left forgotten.Forsakened by the world or something.And we were the men on the side.The long forgotten race of some lost empire.

The third camp site was at this Rubber Tree plantation.That site was particularly dreadful not because of the site itself but the march before.Im not too sure if the march itself was long enough to break our limbs and hope,but the slopes were indeed the killers of this murder.Or should i say,massacre?The site was covered with tall grass.Probably the height of your legs all the way up your thighs.The ground was uneven,and hidden amidst the grasses were grasshoppers the size of your thumb and spiders of different colors and sizes.Those sent some discomfort amongst the more timid recruits,but i couldnt care more for those nightcrawlers.After setting up the tent and sat down on the spider infected area and had my combat rations.Combat rations are cooked food packed up in tightly sealed bags.They are supposed to be able to last up to months,which also meant that it tasted like shit.I heard that those rations were improved over the years,and that if we were enlisted a year earlier the food wouldve been so bad that when you tear open the seal the smell itself is enough to make your hurl three days worth of food out of your guts.The truth is,the food is less than decent,and not to mention they are luke warm.You know how disgusting luke warm food can get.But i must say that the pasta i ate were not bad.Save for the Satay Pasta which was a curse from hell.Like Phoebe said in an episode of friends,"This is the kind of food they serve in hell!" Indeed,it did not taste good.I wonder if it consisted the daily nutrition need of the recruits.Especially when your everyday breakfast are biscuits,and most of the recruits eat Maggie Mees as dinners everyday.Let's say Malaysia plots an attack on us suddenly and we are supposed to fight back.Alright,let's face it.The Malaysians can come with bamboo spears and still thrash us flat.Health was obviously not the factor here.Whatever happened to the welfare.

By the end of Field Camp i was shagged mentally,though not so must physically.Save for the extreme discomfort with the wet uniforms and the mud covered boots from the trench digging the day before.Allow me to add that the recruits were forced to dig our own graves,literally.The rubber planatation looked like a decent place to dig trenches initially.With the soft soil below of feets it was clearly a good spot to dig.The sergeants asked us to dig holes(I forgot the technical name)in the ground so we could sleep in it over the night.Oh well,that was fine and the boys got to work with their blades.We started digging downwards,and we came across remnants of the past.As you might have already heard,Pulau Tekong used to be a Malay Village.So it shouldnt be a surprise if you come across a old hut or "Kampong".Anyway,so we started digging and some of us found marbles,shoes,and i myself found pieces of broken pots and china.Even the nightcrawlers that i accidentally shaved into half did not bother me that much until a recruit a couple of metres away came upon something that made everybody uneasy and queasy.He found a tombstone,and it was buried in the soil with the top sticking up.And apparently that was not the only tombstone he found.All around us,recruits started finding more and more of these old tombstones with their surfaces already corroded away.But the general shape could still be seen clearly,with the top tapered and the size of them similar to the tombstones ive seen at the back of my school back in the Secondary School Days.Point to note,Maris Stella is surrounded by cemeteries.Christian on one said,Malay on one side and a crematorium on the other.So you see,the night life around my old school was pretty happening.And still is,i suppose.Anyway,so as you lay in the holes you dug yourself at night looking up into the night sky,you start to feel a little creepy all of a sudden.After all,somebody might have been in that exact spot.The ground was wet,and i had my jacket on.Chewing on the nightsnacks provided,and i stared up into the star dotted sky above and the trees that threatened to hide the moon.It was a beautiful sight.A scene that look like the chapters of a Tim Burton book.Pretty gothic and beautiful all at the same time.In my mind i said this to myself,"So this is how you guys feel like six feet under huh?" Of course,i wasnt six feet under.But i guess that was the closes i could get.With the wild boars lurking around the woods,it was pretty hard to sleep initially.But the sound of crickets soon took over my thoughts,and i found myself dreaming of home and beautiful streetlights dancing across my eyes...

Back to camp,i was totally spent.The last mission of the day was BIC.Im not too sure what that meant,but basically it involved a lot of crawling under barbwires and over hard rocks and sand.Over head,real bullets zipped by.But of course,you wont get shot even if you stand up,but the sergeants kept asking us to keep our heads down.Point to note,the machine gun that was shooting those damn bullets was mounted five metres above the ground.Unless you bought some out-of-this-world high heels or you lived beside a nuclear power plant,im sure you are not tall enough to reach those bullets.Sergeants seem to be very stupid liars,and liars who use threats to scare the recruits.And i thought they said something about "No Discipline by fear".Oh yes,liars.I said it myself.Oh my memory!It is failing me as i speak.

As for the overview of the field camp,i found the ugly side of me.The devil inside.I hated myself at times,and you really find yourself getting tensed pissed off at the most minor things.Things that wouldve been just a "Laugh it Off" matter.For some reason that never occured to me.I hated myself,and on the boat back to the mainland i swore never to be like this again.Field Camp was bad in many ways.To be honest,i dont think it taught me much about myself.I dont feel like ive gained much from it.Not intelligence,or even experience.In fact,i would hardly consider this trip an experience.It's just that thing that provokes you deep inside,and it hooks out that dirty side and throws it at the people around you.I hated it.Seriously.But after a good night sleep and some home food by my mother i guess i am perfectly fine now.Hopefully i can go back to camp and start anew.Chinese New Year is around the corner and i cant wait for the long break ahead.It's going to be an amazing holiday,and i am not going to let the troubles of NS hinder me from any enjoyments anymore.Here is me,signing out.Ta.

Song of the Moment---Breakaway by John Mayer