Of the Devil Inside
They say that within each and everyone of us lives a mini-me.A smaller version of yourself.I have no idea where that crazy idea originated,but i guess everybody thought that the idea of the Earth being a sphere was anything but fact.It's just a bedside story i guess,an idea used to inspire little kids at night.As fanciful as it is,humans can often manipulate innocent tales into their own evil designs.

Let's say a Mini-You lives inside of your head.Then it is also right to assume that a bunch of Mini-Friends live inside of it as well.You know,all the people that you know in your life must have a place inside of that brain of yours?So in a way,a little world now exists in that head.A world to call your own.I guess that's also how dreams come about.Maybe,in a fantastical way i guess.It is then not a surprise that a devil lives inside of you as well.Of course,a devil never shows his true form.He hides,and he waits.He shows when need be,and he lurks in the dark.Waiting for the right time to strike.And as for me,i am not the type of person who would normally unlease the "Beast" inside.The darker side of myself.The part of me whom i hate the most.Perhaps you can say,i hate so see myself that way.But i guess under abnormal situations and circumstances,the chains to the doors of the dungeon where the "Devil" lies can easily be broken by a blunt blade.Field camp can be a tool,powerful enough to provoke this devil inside.

I just got back from field camp,and if were to describe myself with two words,they would be "Torn" and "Tattered".Indeed,i feel like a rag doll.I feel like i am a doll pulled off the shelf by a toddler who just had her first milk teeth stuck in her gum.Naturally,you would start chewing things with that new teeth of yours.Anything.From couches,to cushions.From your dad's feet to that doll on the shelf.Yeah,i feel like i have my limbs torn apart and head spunned upside down.But then again,i got through this ordeal.I survived,and i guess i should be thankful to be here in one piece to tell the tale.

Like a grandfather beside the fire place,telling old grandfather stories to his grandchildren,here i am again to tell tales of my journey to the forgotten parts of Singapore.Well,no warm fire and warm milk here ladies and gentlemen.Just you and the computer screen for now.So bear with the discomfort.

For some reason,field camp stresses you out.The sergeants kept emphasizing on the fact that Field Camp is going to be a memorable experience.Oh well,i thought i heard that in the video when we saw the introductory video to NS on the first day of enlistenment.The "bullshit-ness" of that video was later confirmed by platoon sergeant David.So you see,nothing here is memorable.Well,that is if you relate the word "Memorable" to "Good memories".Because nightmares can be memorable too.They stay with you and haunts you.Field camp to me brought out the ugly side of me.Really.I just hated myself in that week.Stress does a lot of things to you.I found myself pushing my friends(Not literally)whenever i am in a hurry to accomplish something.I get angry easily,and i felt so much more depressed.Ningshan noticed that change and asked me about it one night before dinner.I wasnt awared that people actually noticed this change,but personally i felt it.And it's not just me.Everybody seemed to have unleashed that beast and was shouting at each other.You see a completely different side of somebody.Perhaps the true self,but you'd never know.

I never thought that i would live through field camp and live to tell about it.After all i went in with a bad headache,a swirling head and a nose that lost control.And in my mind i knew that field camp was not going to make me feel much better physically.I headed to the first camp site anyway,with the area covered with LaLangs if that's how you spell it.The accursed thing about that camp site was the fact that it was covered with Mimosa too.You know,those cute grass that closes its leaves everytime you touch them.Those plants at the side of the roads that never fails to bring up a glimmer of fascination in children's eyes.Anyway,along the stem of a Mimosa are torns that sticks out like the horns of the Devil.And in a way,maybe Mimosa is the creation of the Devil himself.As told,we were asked to prone down whenever we are contacted by the enemy.So with one hand we are supposed to support our body while the rest of it kicks out behind.So whenever i do that on the field i'd go,"Contac...F**k!!!" That is when i proned into a sea of Mimosa.So you see,it shouldnt be a surprise if you were to meet me on the streets with scratches all over my palm.I will smile and whisper softly,"Mimosa."

The second site was better.In fact,it was great.It was the oil palm plantation.The trees were lined up in neat rows,and basically you can see all the way to the edge of the plantation if you were to stand between two trees.The sunlight was never strong enough to peep through those dense leaves above,and at night the area would be shrouded with a thin layer of mist.The smell of the night floating softly in the air,and the crickets in the corner of the woods singing way into the night.Lying in the tent with your eyes closed and the world asleep,it can become a sort of enjoyment amidst the mess.Usually i would take a Ziploc bag and stuff dirty clothes in it so that it becomes a pillow.But i found the SBO to be more of a comfort than anything else.The nights can be blistering cold,and it chills you to the bone.Without a blanket and thoughts to keep you warm,it can get pretty unbearable at times.But i guess everybody just had to suck it right in and tuck yourself in with the rifle between your thighs.You suddenly feel like you are in the middle of nowhere.Just,a corner of the world left forgotten.Forsakened by the world or something.And we were the men on the side.The long forgotten race of some lost empire.

The third camp site was at this Rubber Tree plantation.That site was particularly dreadful not because of the site itself but the march before.Im not too sure if the march itself was long enough to break our limbs and hope,but the slopes were indeed the killers of this murder.Or should i say,massacre?The site was covered with tall grass.Probably the height of your legs all the way up your thighs.The ground was uneven,and hidden amidst the grasses were grasshoppers the size of your thumb and spiders of different colors and sizes.Those sent some discomfort amongst the more timid recruits,but i couldnt care more for those nightcrawlers.After setting up the tent and sat down on the spider infected area and had my combat rations.Combat rations are cooked food packed up in tightly sealed bags.They are supposed to be able to last up to months,which also meant that it tasted like shit.I heard that those rations were improved over the years,and that if we were enlisted a year earlier the food wouldve been so bad that when you tear open the seal the smell itself is enough to make your hurl three days worth of food out of your guts.The truth is,the food is less than decent,and not to mention they are luke warm.You know how disgusting luke warm food can get.But i must say that the pasta i ate were not bad.Save for the Satay Pasta which was a curse from hell.Like Phoebe said in an episode of friends,"This is the kind of food they serve in hell!" Indeed,it did not taste good.I wonder if it consisted the daily nutrition need of the recruits.Especially when your everyday breakfast are biscuits,and most of the recruits eat Maggie Mees as dinners everyday.Let's say Malaysia plots an attack on us suddenly and we are supposed to fight back.Alright,let's face it.The Malaysians can come with bamboo spears and still thrash us flat.Health was obviously not the factor here.Whatever happened to the welfare.

By the end of Field Camp i was shagged mentally,though not so must physically.Save for the extreme discomfort with the wet uniforms and the mud covered boots from the trench digging the day before.Allow me to add that the recruits were forced to dig our own graves,literally.The rubber planatation looked like a decent place to dig trenches initially.With the soft soil below of feets it was clearly a good spot to dig.The sergeants asked us to dig holes(I forgot the technical name)in the ground so we could sleep in it over the night.Oh well,that was fine and the boys got to work with their blades.We started digging downwards,and we came across remnants of the past.As you might have already heard,Pulau Tekong used to be a Malay Village.So it shouldnt be a surprise if you come across a old hut or "Kampong".Anyway,so we started digging and some of us found marbles,shoes,and i myself found pieces of broken pots and china.Even the nightcrawlers that i accidentally shaved into half did not bother me that much until a recruit a couple of metres away came upon something that made everybody uneasy and queasy.He found a tombstone,and it was buried in the soil with the top sticking up.And apparently that was not the only tombstone he found.All around us,recruits started finding more and more of these old tombstones with their surfaces already corroded away.But the general shape could still be seen clearly,with the top tapered and the size of them similar to the tombstones ive seen at the back of my school back in the Secondary School Days.Point to note,Maris Stella is surrounded by cemeteries.Christian on one said,Malay on one side and a crematorium on the other.So you see,the night life around my old school was pretty happening.And still is,i suppose.Anyway,so as you lay in the holes you dug yourself at night looking up into the night sky,you start to feel a little creepy all of a sudden.After all,somebody might have been in that exact spot.The ground was wet,and i had my jacket on.Chewing on the nightsnacks provided,and i stared up into the star dotted sky above and the trees that threatened to hide the moon.It was a beautiful sight.A scene that look like the chapters of a Tim Burton book.Pretty gothic and beautiful all at the same time.In my mind i said this to myself,"So this is how you guys feel like six feet under huh?" Of course,i wasnt six feet under.But i guess that was the closes i could get.With the wild boars lurking around the woods,it was pretty hard to sleep initially.But the sound of crickets soon took over my thoughts,and i found myself dreaming of home and beautiful streetlights dancing across my eyes...

Back to camp,i was totally spent.The last mission of the day was BIC.Im not too sure what that meant,but basically it involved a lot of crawling under barbwires and over hard rocks and sand.Over head,real bullets zipped by.But of course,you wont get shot even if you stand up,but the sergeants kept asking us to keep our heads down.Point to note,the machine gun that was shooting those damn bullets was mounted five metres above the ground.Unless you bought some out-of-this-world high heels or you lived beside a nuclear power plant,im sure you are not tall enough to reach those bullets.Sergeants seem to be very stupid liars,and liars who use threats to scare the recruits.And i thought they said something about "No Discipline by fear".Oh yes,liars.I said it myself.Oh my memory!It is failing me as i speak.

As for the overview of the field camp,i found the ugly side of me.The devil inside.I hated myself at times,and you really find yourself getting tensed pissed off at the most minor things.Things that wouldve been just a "Laugh it Off" matter.For some reason that never occured to me.I hated myself,and on the boat back to the mainland i swore never to be like this again.Field Camp was bad in many ways.To be honest,i dont think it taught me much about myself.I dont feel like ive gained much from it.Not intelligence,or even experience.In fact,i would hardly consider this trip an experience.It's just that thing that provokes you deep inside,and it hooks out that dirty side and throws it at the people around you.I hated it.Seriously.But after a good night sleep and some home food by my mother i guess i am perfectly fine now.Hopefully i can go back to camp and start anew.Chinese New Year is around the corner and i cant wait for the long break ahead.It's going to be an amazing holiday,and i am not going to let the troubles of NS hinder me from any enjoyments anymore.Here is me,signing out.Ta.

Song of the Moment---Breakaway by John Mayer

Song of the Day:
Something's Missing by John Mayer



I'm not alone, I wish I was.
Cause then I'd know, I was down because
I couldn't find, a friend around
To love me like, they do right now.
They do right now.

I'm dizzy from the shopping malls
I searched for joy, but I bought it all
It doesn't help the hunger pains
and a thirst I'd have to drown first to ever satiate

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I don't know what it is
At all

When autumn comes, it doesnt ask.
It just walks in, where it left you last.
And you never know, when it starts
Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I don't know what it is
At all

I can't be sure that this state of mind, is not of my own design
I wish there was an over the counter test, for loneliness.
For loneliness like this.

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is

Something's different
And i don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is

Friends -check-
Money -check-
A well slept -check-
Opposite sex -check-
Guitar -check-
Microphone -check-
Messages waiting for me, when i come home -check-

How come everything I think I need, always comes with batteries
What do you think it means

How come everything I think I need, always comes with batteries
What do you think it means

Of The Elysian Fields

"...The Elysian Fields,or Elysium,would be closest to what most people consider "heaven" to be like.The Elysian Fields were described as a wonderful place, where everything was delightful.There were soft green meadows,lovely groves,a delicious life-giving air, sunlight that glowed a soft purple,and everyone was happy and peaceful.The sound of music played on pipes and lyres filled the air.Banquets occurred whenever the inhabitants desired..."

The Elysian Fields is the creation of the Greek Mythology.A place where the great and good lived after their deaths.Also known as the Isle of the Blessed,it is ruled by Rhadamanthys,according to Homer's Odyssey.A place one would consider "Heaven".A place sorted after by all,and hard to let go when the time comes.As mentioned in the myth,these fortunate ones could choose to go back to Earth if they wished,but few elected to give up the pleasure they had found here.It is "Temptation Island" if you are keen on reality TV shows.Sort of like the line from The Eagles' "Hotel California" which goes:

"You can check out anytime you like but you can never leave..."

As for myself,i have my own definitions as to what my own Elysian Fields should look like.I dont need the soft green meadows,lovely groves,delicious life-giving air or whatever.Well,that's nice indeed.But with industrialisation and urbanisation taking place around you,you can bet that you wont find a place that even comes close to that description.Maybe one day on an distant island in the middle of nowhere.Of course,provided that it was not swept away by the Tsunami.I wouldnt mind having those lovely groves and banquets around really.But i guess,physically that is impossible in our age.Most people seek not the physical pleasure nowadays,but rather the spiritual and mental satisfaction they gain.Perhaps a place in their heads that resembles the Elysian Fields.The ideal place that comes close in their dreamlands.And as for me,the enjoyable yet brief meetings with my friend during my book outs can be considered my ideal land of peace.The Elysian Fields i have in mind.

I have a system that i follow everytime.I try to anyway.I book out every week,which means that i have to give time to my family and friends.You got to have a balance between this two huge components of your life.So personally,i focus on them alternatively.Like,this week i would hang out with my friends out in town,then the next would be spent with my family so on and so forth.You get the picture.As time goes by slowly in camp,you start to realise that anything in the outside world suddenly becomes so extraordinarily unfamiliar and new.Like a friend of mine said,when you are in boot camp for a few weeks in a row,any female organisms are good looking on the streets.So to all red blooded men out there,do keep your eyes off those cute female doggies hanging around the blocks.Anyway,everything starts to mean something to me all of a sudden.It's like,i can derive enjoyment out of the most boring activities you can think of on Earth.Like,sitting at home and watch crappy movies back from the 70s.No offence to the movies in that era,but they just dont appeal.Oh well,suddenly everything seems so exciting and new.Even my sister looks a bunch better now that ive seen her from another perspective.Amazing how a departure can do to you(I highly recommend this to troubled couples).

Over the past few book outs,i had a couple of chances to meet up with old friends,and make some new ones along the way.I still remember vividly the mini gathering the guitar club people had at the Breakz Restaurant(I think that is the spelling).Only five person went,but i enjoyed it anyway.Maybe it's because it was the last day of 2004,or perhaps it was because of the fact that i love the guitar club members so much,that meeting was particularly enjoyable as compared to our other meetings.It was memorable,and i found myself lost in time.Spending the night at the restaurant with the ladies,my buddy Ahmad and JingLiang was real fun indeed.Then we strolled through the streets and admired the city lights still clinging upon the trees after Christmas.A year back,i wouldnt even have noticed the lights.They never triggered any form of fascination inside of me.But this time,it was a little different.I didnt know what it was,but i found myself smiling as i looked into the lights.In my friends' company,i felt like i am on Cloud #9,a place where i want to be.Then we took bus 133 together back home,and coincidentally as the bus stopped by a traffic light the clock struck midnight.We had a countdown,a mini-celebration,and just as we were about to end the day fireworks sprung up from the side of the streets and into the air,as if it was celebrating the birth of the new day of the new year.Fireworks never looked so beautiful until then.It was brief and short,and the bus sped off before it finished,but i sure had a lot of fun on the 133 double decker.

Last Saturday was a gathering with some friends at Serene's.Her birthday was coming,and her family organised a barbeque at her house.She invited my SRJC class,Secondary School class(PLMGSS) and her JC class(TPJC) as well.However,everybody from my class(1s24)was working back then.How coincidental isnt it.I know how Serene felt really.I mean,if i were her i wouldve jumped into the 2 metre deep pool and hope that my lungs would fill up with water.Just bloody drown myself as soon as possible.I mean,it's just plain awkward for such situations to occur.Thankfully,i was present and so was Siang Hong.Do not fret Serene.With this two around you can stop worrying about the venue being cold and boring throughout the night.And as promised,we had a blast there with the ladies.It's not like we didnt want to mingle with other fellow male counterparts,but because there were no male there at all.Well,maybe Serene's Dad and her classmate who was busying himself with the pit.Personally i never really liked to mix around with girls that are too...Well,girl-like.Too much girl talk can really kill you.Those "Oh i miss you!" bullshit followed by a long hug can really make you feel queasy.For me,anyway.So i talked to her TPJC friends,who were really nice people.And may i add that they are good looking as well(Just to make Adrian jealous and pissed)?

Im not too sure of the other two girls' names,but one was called Esther,and Serene's cousin is called WanLing.Both extremely nice people to talk to and certainly very easy to click with.Even Esther herself was wondering how come she was able to click so easily with Siang Hong and myself.Well,being a Marist for four years really thought us a lifeskill not easy forgotten and ever so practical.The Sociability within us.We joked and laughed all through the night,and we talked about anything other the Saturday Night sky.Maybe it was that tad bit of desperation within,but i was attracted to them in a way.Oh well,i should really start to read "1001 Ways to Curb Yourself".Perhaps it was the feeling i got when i talked to them.So comfortable and so easy,and everything about it was just right.Like how NingShan made a comment on Varun a few weeks ago in the bunk.Touche,i tell you.It was right on the mark.Perfect.

I guess as my life continues in the army,my standards of a Elysian Field changes.Before this,what existed in the Elysian Fields within my mind tends to be dream-like.A little out of reach,and completely unattainable.But right now,it seems as if the standards are not too far off at all.Just a simple gathering with the people i know can become a part of the Elysian Fields.My own Elysian Fields.A friend of mine once had a MSN nickname that went "Simplicity is the greatest Sophistication".I guess in this case,a simple meet up with friends can bring me a step closer to heaven.The Elysian Fields beyond the shores of River Oceanus.A place which i can call my own.

Like everybody else,parting from this beautiful land is a difficult task.But i have to,or else i would be considered AWOL(Away WithOut Leave)and charged in a military court.Followed by DB(Detention Barracks)later.It sucks to leave,but what can i say?Rules are rules.I know they are meant to be broken,but not this rule.No,no way.It's a brief parting,but i guess we'll soon meet each other soon enough.

I dont meet fantastical scenary,or singing elves and fairies.Fields of flowers or a cool summer breeze.All i need is my friends,and that they join me in my Elysium.That is my Elysian Fields,and as simple as it sounds i love it that way.Brief moments spent with these amazing people is exactly what i need.The realm of the blessed,and with them around,the blessed is me.

Everytime i meet my friends,i picture the scene from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind when Clementine and Joel lies on the frozen lake and stares up into the sky.Then Joel whispers to Clementine...

"I could die right now,Clem.I'm just...happy.I've never felt that before.I'm just exactly where I want to be..."

That single line,and my feelings of the Elysium.

Touche.

Song of the Moment---Tracing by John Mayer

Of the Brink

"I dreamed i saw a great wave,climbing over green lands and above the hills.I stood upon the brink,it was utterly dark in the abyss before my feet.A light shone behind me,but i could not turn.I could only stand there,waiting..."

A line from the Extended Edition of The Return of the King by Eowyn.It was supposed to be a line for Faramir in the books,but i guess Faramir wouldnt mind giving it to his wife.Anyway,a description of the dream i seem to be able to relate.The quiet yet brief moments looking at the dark sea before me on the fifth floor of building 44 triggered the memory of this line.

BMT started,and to be honest things are running faster than usual right now.If you've watched "The Time Machine",you wouldve noticed the cool effects used in the movie when Alexander Hartdegen fast-forwards the time.That's exactly how the situation is like in camp now.I must add,that the trainings remain the same.I still feel that it is rather slack relative to the army life a couple of years back.The most tiring thing about the trainings is the fact that they are so crammed up together like tuna in a can.Just compacted up and squeezed together.Everything's supposed to be finished within a certain time frame,and they dont care if it eats into your free time or not despite proclaiming how much they respect them.To be honest,the army is just a big propaganda bullshit with a bunch of lies.Adrian in particular,feels queasy everytime he chances upon a propagandising poster stuck onto walls in the platoon office that reads,"Care for Soldiers".It is both ironic and Eye-Roll inducing.You hardly get more than 15 minutes of break between each training,and your day starts at 530am and ends around 1010pm on average.That leaves about 20 minutes of free time before lights out.And that includes washing up,brushing your teeth,changing into more comfortable clothes and calling your girlfriends.All of that in 20 minutes,and one can really find it hard to breathe.Personally,i am a victim of this hectic system.After the IPPT(Sort of like the Napfa),i was totally shagged.I gave it my all,and the results were desirable i must say.However,i was not given any breaks in between.It was closly followed by intense body contact trainings,first aid tests under baking hot sun and swimming lessons.By the end of everything i was suffering from a cracking forehead and a bad throat.I wonder if the people in the army ever realised that you cannot defend your country with sick soldiers practically everywhere.It is sensible,isnt it?

This is also why i am back home right now while everybody else is in camp training.I am down with a bad flu,and the MO(Medical Officers)gave me a medical leave back home.In a way,i am happy that i am home right before field camp.At least i get to have a breather before anything starts.But the downside of things is that i am going to miss a lot of lessons.But hell,im not going to give a shit about it.It's not like i want to go home anyway.Seriously,i wouldve stayed.Anyhow,since i am here i might as well give an update on things.

Back to the main topic,i feel as if i am on the brink of life.The edge of everything that i have grown to know.The army is like a hole on the road,and when you drive pass this hole your wheel gets stuck inside.The bad news is not the fact that you are stuck,but the fact that you are going to be stuck in this hole for two years.Imagine if you are in a Formula One race track and Michael Schumacher gets stuck in a hole like that while everybody else is speeding by.I bet even the world number one is going to erupt like a volcano.It is like a break in life,and this break is causing me to lose precious time.So much can be done within this year or two,and i am here doing things like that.Usually the word "Break" would mean a rest from something.But not in this case.Ironically,"Break" here literally means a detachment from your everyday life.It is frustrating in a way,when you come out from camp and surprised at home much you missed out from the outside world.True enough,Tekong does remind me of an alienated world.A twilight zone perhaps,that stands between the real world and the dream world.It shares nothing common with the real world that lies beyond the dark sea.Oh yes,the night sky.Something the twilight zone possesses that is worthy of remembrance.A short note i jotted down in camp concerning the beauty of it all:

"...This place is still so cold in the mornings,and the city lights are still so close to us over and across the sea.That dark void in between,the line of divergence between surrealism and reality.That darkness reflecting all but the most beautiful sight:The stars.The sparkling lights in the skies forms a line with the city lights,guiding me home like the Northern Star..."

Like Eowyn,before me lies a void.An abyss that falls into nothingness.Ahead of me,destruction of beauty and what you used to know.The light is behind,but you cannot turn.You just have to face the oncoming wave.This is so coincidental.How my situation seems to fit the Tsunami incident a month or so ago.I guess the people must have felt so helpless when the great waves came.So small against the force of Mother Nature.They just had to face it,even with full knowledge that they wont be able to handle it.And as for me,im not too sure if i am going to survive army life.Sure enough,i am probably going to survive physically.I am going to walk out of this bruised and scratched.Wounds can heal,but im more worried and concerned over my mental health.How it is going to jump back to life.I really want to stay away from this brink of life.The edge of reality.Standing on the edge makes you unknown.The chances of you being forgotten gradually increases.Think about it,the unwanted things you have in your house are often stuffed up in the corner right?How many of those things can you clearly remember at the tip of your fingers?With me being in the edge of life itself,i wonder how anybody can be remembered this way.How the pushing of me to the edge is going to make me more "Man" like how the army promises to make us.I dont feel more patriotic(Im not a Singaporean in the first place),and i dont feel more disciplined.I dont feel that NS changed anything in me yet,not mentally anyway.

It is strange how we are all on the same plane,but the difference between the centre and the brink can have so vast a difference.It's just the difference in positioning,but the attention you get can be totally different.The centre of attention are often harder to forget as compared to those at the edge.The brink of life itself.As though i am left on the edge to rot and gather thus,it can get really tough living by myself alone on the island.Beneath the sweat hides the anguish,and beneath the helmet and the field packs sits a man that is on the edge of everything,eager to break free.

I guess in everyone of us,lies a person that sits on the edge.In your life you encounter this man sitting on the edge,and you become him or her for a while.Then you start to realise how fortunate you are to be back in the centre.Fingers crossed.

Song of the Moment---Walk on the Ocean by Toad The Wet Sprocket

Of the One Month Report
Millions of apologies to my friends and the readers of this blog for my absence.As many of you guys already know,i was forced to join the army a month's time back.Oh well,that was a pain in the ass.I had a couple of book out days amidst the screwed up timetable,but never really the mood to blog.Most of the free time i had was spent on eating,sleeping and hanging out with family and friends.Suddenly,blogging dropped out of the top five spot on the "Priority List",falling behind the activities mentioned above.

So how was the army like you ask?Lets put it this way.Before i entered,i expected a whole tub of poop being thrown on me.However,i recieved only a bucket of it.My point is,i expected much worse.I probably expected myself to pick option E on my "NS Questionaire".And that is,to kill myself.Oh well,things werent too bad.I love my platoon mates.They are a great bunch of people i must say.The call to CMPB from my mother was comforting,especially after she told me that the people in my platoon would consist of predominently.That was a relief on my part,because that meant that frequency wouldnt be a problem.Come to think about it,the worst day of army life from day one till now,was day one itself.Im not too sure why,but i hated the first day.The master sergent actually screamed at the recruits on the first day.But he really is a pretty nice guy and so full of bull.The first taste of NS life was when Platoon Sergent of Platoon 3 screamed at the recruits for not being able to differentiate between left and right.That particular scream was followed by a string of hokkien vulgarities.Then it was the oath taking session in the auditorium,which started off in an awful mood because of the screaming above,as well as the expected trainings coming up.Of course,since our parents were present the video shown was full of propaganda bull."Unforgettable and Memorable experience" it said.As Platoon Sergent of Platoon 1(David Song)later confirmed,it is a whole lot of bullshit.I remember how my dad waved to me as he walked towards his seat.But i pulled a long face,and was in an awful mood.I forgot what went through my mind.Fear,perhaps a little bit of sadness mingled amongst a whole lot of emotions.It was a emotion generating session,and i felt so alone.The lunch that followed didnt cheer me up at all.

The first night was far from good as well.As expected,none of us could sleep that night.Personally,i kept rolling around on the extremely uncomfortable pillow,and staring out into the cold night sky outside the window.Thoughts swirled,and i didnt have someone to talk to back then.Slowly,i started to write in my notebook.Poems and short phrases over the two weeks.I slowly got to know my bunkmates,and they are great people as well.This is how the recruits are distributed on Tekong.We are divided into companies,and i am from Orion.Basically the order runs alphabetically ,excluding some letters like "Q" and "X"(Probably because they were too stupid to come up with cool company names for those letters).Then each company is divided into four platoons,and i am in platoon four.Then each platoon is then divided into sections,and then beds.Each section should consist about 10 to 13 recruits.But because i am in the last section(Section 4),we only have seven.

Bed one is Christopher(Or Ho Wah).He has a baby face,and is commonly known throughout the platoon as "Ho Wah" or "Baby".Always the target for us to bully,and a might set a tad bit too innocent for a 18 year old.When asked some personal questions about girls,he couldnt answer them all.When asked about the people in his school,he knew none.He is a nice guy,but acting cute has a limit Christopher!Bed three is Varun(Or Varun the Great as he likes to call himself).This Indian man from Sri Lanka has a screwed up attitude.He is a nice guy ultimately,but he can get very cranky sometimes.Almost too grumpy,and sometimes very naggy.A little too old for his age,and i am not talking about maturity here.Pushing responsibilities is what he does best,and can be really lazy when it comes to personal trainings.Surprisingly,despite being the laziest recruit in my bunk he managed to improve on his pullup counts.That pissed me off a little bit,but i guess his record is not going to hold for too long.He is the toilet IC,and due to that he made a couple of enemies here and there every morning when he locks the toilet to prepare it for area cleaning.Especially the more urgent cases of bladder movements.Bed four is Ravi.He is the man.On first look,you wouldnt expect him to be too wild or friendl.He has a stern face,and the physique to match it.He was in the NCC,and the he naturally had a rough idea of what to expect in camp."The sergents here are peanuts compared to the ones at my school".Oh well,perhaps.Anyway,he is a nice guy.Definitely somebody you can count on.Next would be NingShan,the all too serious man of the bunk.I respect this guy to a certain expect,because of his clear mind and knowledge.After all,he was from Raffles' Institution(But screwed up and went to CJC).If we are able to elect a leader of each section,it wouldve been him.But for some reason he seems to be the leader of himself,and not the crowd as a whole.He commands,but never forceful.Being the serious guy of the platoon can be both beneficial and detrimental to his road to OCS.Bed six is Gary,the Mr Nice Guy.Very quiet,and always in thoughts with himself.He is somebody whom you would consider to be a nerd back in school,but in the army nobody cares about your history.Not too much anyway.Very organised he is,and never fails to help.Bed seven is Adrian,probably the guy who clicks the most with myself.He is a nice guy,and a nice girlfriend Trisha to match up.Our bunk has twelve beds,and six on each side.He is the seventh person of the bunk and thus,he sleeps on one side of the room while everybody else sleeps on the other.It can get a little creepy and lonely in the middle of the night if you place yourself in his shoes(Or bed).He would drag his mattress in between myself and Varun and spend the night talking to me.Of course,i would usually initiate the "Go to Sleep" command towards the end of our D&M(Or Deep and Meaningful Conversations).He is a nice guy as well,and probably somebody i can rely on(Hopefully).But please try harder not to delay everybody by being the last guy out of the bunk everytime alright?

I have to say that my sergents are pretty nice.Coincidentally,four out of five of them have their names starting with "J".Platoon Sergent is Jude,and the rest of the sergents are Jonathan,Jasbir,Leonard and John who got transfered to Ninja just the day before yesterday.Leonard is a pain in the ass,and so is Jude.They are the unreasonable ones,though they always have the "I hate to be unreasonable" phrase lingering around their lips,it often contradicts to their actions.I mean,my section was late for fall in one day alongside a dozen other recruits,and we were forced to go for Guard Duty(Which turned out to be quite a fun experience later on).I mean,some others who were early that day,have been constantly late on the other days.I guess it all comes down to luck,and that is a very important factor to consider in the army.If you are lucky enough,you can escape without any serious scoldings or whatever.Leonard is the gay,supposingly.He is two-faced(Alongside Jude),and always pulling a face in front of us.The worst thing is,both their jokes are never funny.Not that i want to complain,but NS men really have to update their joke books and seriously consider seeking aid from their young cousins or sons,because they are not going to get many girlfriends(Or boyfriends)in the future with cheap jokes they are pulling.Seriously,stop trying.

Jonathan,Jasbir and John are great sergents.They get pissed off when needed to,and fun when needed to as well.I guess every sergents should look up to them.When not in training,Jasbir and John would come up to our bunks and talk to us personally about NS life and check out on our physical and mental health.And i thought that is the job of the platoon sergent?No wonder i have more respect for the other sergents as compared to Jude.He doesnt know how to control his mood,and when he is pissed he calls us "Idiots".Yeah,so that is the worst insult you can come up with?Grow some brains,go home and have a cup of coffee,calm yourself down and read the "1001 Insults" book before you book in again.Seriously,you dont have my respect and the authority you are supposed to have.What a shame.

Despite the immaturity,i have to say that my sergents are still decent as compared to the others.David Song,DeWei and other sergents can be crazy at times.They always have something up their sleeves to put you in the deepest pits of hell.Thank god i have no relations to them whatsoever,or else i wouldve been six feet under after a week or so(And that is being generous).

The trainings can be tough and demanding,but not as tough as i thought.I guess i over-estimated the toughness of the army.I guess partially,the reason for it is because this is a new system,and the sergents themselves are new to them.Moreover,they have placed more emphasis on welfare and the health of the recruits rather than the full emphasis they had on fitness a year ago(They never had chefs last year in the cookhouse).Due to that,i dont even think BMT(Basic Military Training)is going to be as hard as it used to be.Sergent Jonathan was saying how slack PTP is,when he himself went through PTP a year ago.Well,things clearly changed.And im pretty sure BMT is not going to be as tough as before.Im just going to face things with a smile and a joke.Dust myself off and walk on.Just like when i was in the march yesterday in the pouring rain with my field pack,SBO,helmet and rifle.I hate marches,and with the distance gradually increasing over the weeks i dread it even more.Thankfully(Sarcastically),it rained yesterday.We were drenched and cold,and the march was not cancelled.It didnt lighten my mood at all,but being the joker of the platoon i tried to cheer myself up by cheering up everybody else.So i led songs,and i joked along the way.And at the end of the day,the march didnt seem too long at all.Though i was drenched,and i was awfully cold,i actually felt good after the march.The first time that i actually felt good after one.Truly a good feeling to have.

On Tekong,everything is a tad bit too far away.Home is inside,with the planes taking off from the airport just across the channel.I can see the airport tower,only a tad bit bigger than the width of my pinky in the distance,and the planes soaring above the facility now and again.Reality never fails to detach,and you feel like you are in a different dimension all of a sudden.No televisions,and no newspapers.Nothing from the outside world,and the lot of us are usually ill-informed.Mr John Lim's death in New Zealand came as a shock only after a fellow recruit told me about it.Then there is the Tsunami that claimed over 100000 lives around Asia.All these sudden incidents just came upon me like the Tsunami itself.Too sudden,and a little difficult to handle.Too many things happening around the world,with a veil pulled over our eyes by the army.I was thinking about the difference between the army and the prison the other day,and you'd be surprised at the similarities.I guess the sergents are wardens without patons.Most importantly,i miss my family and friends.Well,i am handling the distance between me and my friends pretty well i must say.Better than i expected myself to.There's always the handphone to kill time,and they are just a scroll and a few buttons away on the phone.In army,i really realised that i have friends that are truly the building blocks of my life.I love my mom,and i love my dad.I love my sister,and all the concerns from my other friends.XinYu's kind supplies of food and drinks was touching,and i was dumbfounded on that rainy day.Everytime i open the drawer in my cupboard in camp,i see the clothes and the food prepared for me by my family and friends,a surge of warmth fills me up."A bit of home..." i always mutter to myself.

One great thing about Tekong is the night skies.The constellations are amazing in the morning.The lines you can draw,and the shapes you can form from the stars in the sky are endless.The variety of cloud formations you can see are astounding and breathtaking.Ive never seen such a beautiful sky in my life,and despite the cold mornings on Tekong and the blistering cold winds,i risk getting a flu just to take a look up into the sky.Amazing,i tell you.Simply amazing.

It is Sunday,and i will be booking in again later at 8pm.It's not going to be too bad for me,because ive made so many friends there.It sucks to leave everybody behind,but i guess it's all going to be fun.To learn something new i guess,and that's being optimistic.No point being pessimistic about things really,and just laugh things off when things take the 'wrong-est'turn.Until the next book out,this is me signing out.;)

A song to describe my feelings about my life right now.Very fitting,and very soothing.I love the tone of the song,and i hope you guys like it.My thoughts towards the numerous that died during the Tsunami,Mr John Lim and his wife,my detached life,my friends and family,and everything else...

Across the Universe
By Fiona Apple

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind,
Possessing and caressing me.
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
That call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box they
Tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Sounds of laughter shades of earth are ringing
Through my open ears inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a
Million suns, it calls me on and on
Across the universe
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Jai guru de va, jai guru de va
Jai guru de va, jai guru de va
Jai guru de va.

Jai guru de va, jai guru de va.

Song of the Moment---Across the Universe by Fiona Apple