Of Speechlessness
Garden State has one of the best movie sountracks ever.I just downloaded a couple of songs from that soundtrack and was hooked.Collin Hay's "I Dont Think I'll Ever Get Over You" must be one of the best moody songs i have ever heard.Remember how the little things in life which never meant anything,suddenly takes a great leap and take on top spot in the priority list?This song wouldnt have meant something to me,if it wasnt for my friends' departure.

This afternoon before i went to bed,was the time when i really thought about their absence.I wonder who i am supposed to catch a movie with from now on,or who to talk to when i found some interesting bits about a movie.For some reason,things seem to be breaking apart nowadays.It was just me,and my thoughts bouncing off the walls as i looked up at the ceiling.I never had anybody of importance leaving me.My grandparents died,but i was never close to them.Death never occured to me as a "Next Door Neighbour" issue.Not even departure.They never were too close for comfort,and always keeping a safe distance from me.Like a small boy hiding under the tin roof,looking at the storm far away in the mountains and wrapping himself with the big yellow raincoat.Always too far for considerations,and never closer enough to bother.But right now,when everything is falling into place,i seem to feel like i am caught off guard.When we parted at the Somerset MRT station,it never dawned on me that that might easily have been the last time im going to see that guy ever again.

We all have our goodbyes.Day by day,we say goodbye to people and welcome new ones into our lives.But his goodbye to the lot of us seems to be particularly long.It's like when you are on a holiday trip to Thailand,and you find your pocket rid of cash and credit cards because someone just hooked it out without your knowledge.Then this vacation becomes a long and dreadful one.Similarly,with so many goodbyes in such a short period of time,it does seem like a long goodbye.Like an extended version of a movie(Or extended cut in technical terms),sometimes the movie simply becomes a drag with bad editing being evident(Watch Amadeus).

Before i started this entry at 140am,i really didnt know how i should structure it.There are just things that are going through my head so fast.Too fast for me to put them down in words.His departure to me is a big deal,but i just dont know how big a deal it is until he really is gone.I know it is going to be a tough road ahead of me,but i just dont know how tough it would be.It's that fear of the unknown that scares us all sometimes,but when you are really in that unknown place,you'd then know how scary it actually is.I dont know how i am supposed to cope with things after he leaves.Life goes on of course,it never stops.It never pauses for anything,and it never halts.What we pray for in life,really is to have memories that are able to withstand the test of time and live on forever in our minds.We meet more friends,but the old ones are the friends that truly stays with you.New songs are heard every single day on the radio,but it is the old classics that stays with you.That actually means something.

Im sure in our hearts,we all have our unwillingness.Dont you just hate changes,especially when it is inevitable.You feel helpless,and amidst the helplessness of it all we have to endure the pain of separation.I dont know what the hell is going to happen at the airport really.The decision was made between Sam,Ben,Mad and myself all too sudden and spontaneously that i actually forgot to find out ther Terminal at first.

Im out of words.There's something raging inside me that is eager to burst out right now,but for some reason a force is keeping it in.I dont know why,but i feel like tearing myself apart,or destroying something close at hand.I am basically speechless right now.I am typing without actually thinking about what i am going to type.My mind is blank,because i dont know what is going to hit me when tomorrow really comes.God i hate this who separation thing.It is things like that in life that makes it so unbearable sometimes.It is why people go "Life Sucks" all the time.Because there are so many things that go against your will all the time.When was the last time something actually went according to plan,and you were happy about it?I shall stop talking.Really.In fact,i never really had anything to talk about in the first place.Here's two songs that might perhaps describe my feelings at best.John Mayer's "Wheel" and Collin Hay's "I Dont Think I'll Ever Get Over You".

Wheel

People have the right to fly
And when it gets compromised
Their hearts say "Move along"
Their minds say "Gotcha heart"
Let's move it along.
Let's move it along.

And airports
See it all the time
With someone's last goodbye
Blends in with someone's sigh

I Dont Think I'll Ever Get Over You

I drink good coffee every morning
comes from a place thats far away
and when i'm done i feel like talking
without you here there is less to say

I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
what is closer to the truth
but if I lived til I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

no longer moved to drink strong whiskey
I shook the hand of time and I knew
that if I lived til I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

If I lived til I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

Well,that's it my friend.Here comes the end of our fellowship.I dont know if this chapter of my life shall continue.If this script of ours will ever be finished.But this unfinished piece of work was a great read,and im hoping for your return so that we can all finish it.Good luck man.

Song of the Moment---I Dont Think I'll Ever Get Over You by Collin Hay