Of Idle
Besides the times spent reading "The Da Vinci Code" by Dan Brown these days,most of the time were spent being in a state of idle.Despite Prom 2004 being one of the most sorted after,most looked forward event of the year by my peers,it didnt stir up enough dust to make the day worthy of remembrance within my mind.I must say,that it was good.In fact,it was fun.But it wasnt great.Then you start to wonder the significance of the prom,and how much value it is going to represent when you are 30 years old.It couldve easily been called the "PhotoTaking Session in Nice Gowns and Suits" instead of "Dinner And Dance" with a fancy theme of "Starry Night" which was not properly followed by the organisers anyway.Besides the big banner that hung from the stage,there was no dress code whatsoever that related to the theme,and i think i am pretty safe to say that the host definitely did not follow the theme all too strictly with his cheap jokes.

These days were a blur to me.The last days are the days im living right now.And more often than not,details are usually neglected during the hectic times.Light the passing street and neon lights flashing by the car window,they leave a trail of light and disappears once you travel far enough.Like a veil being pulled over my eyes these days,nothing registered.Ever since i sent Krishna off things slowly came to a drag.For some reason,the gang expected me to cry when i send Krishna off."Mad!" was my comment when Samuel told me that.His reasoning was that i am the closest to Krishna,and as a result i topped the list when it comes to the people who has the potential to cry at the airport.Of course,i didnt.His class were there,and were nice enough to make a enlarged photo of Krishna and XP together.Well,i guess that gives him something to wank to when he's immersed in the boredom of homeland Indonesia.Before he left,he gave us all hugs and we gave him our best wishes.He left reminders and good luck to us as well.The sad thing was probably the fact that no girls saw him off that day.But i guess that cards and the messages on MSN were enough to keep that guy smiling from Indonesia to Germany.We got onto the MRT soon after he left,and to be honest nothing seemed to have changed just yet.Samuel,Ahmad,Ben and I played cards as we waited for the MRT to leave the platform.It all seemed too familiar,and i guess the full impact was still far off and has yet to reach our own planets yet.Before that,life goes on.

After that was when the blurry feeling started to grow.It mightve been the sore legs both Ahmad and I had while hunting for his tie for the prom.It took us awhile to finally settle on a brown tie at John Littles.But the search did not end in vain,considering how i managed to seek out information concerning the Martin guitar Mr Wong mentioned about that was under one thousand dollars and of decent quality(City Music at Park Lane).The stroll home that day was kinda weird.It was drizzling that night.It drizzles every night nowadays,and in the afternoons too.The prom next day did not cheer me up all too much.The sight of Krishna leaving lingered in my thoughts as i crossed the busy streets and unlocked the back gate alone.I didnt know why,but everything bounced off mind everytime they try to enter.I guess it must have got something to do with the NS enlistment date.I know it.Ive got a gut feeling on this.I just know it.

Monday,the day of the prom.It did not start too cheerfully.The morning i woke up to was a wet one,with the rain splattering on my window and the air smelling like a moist January afternoon.The day worsened when i couldnt find the camcorder which i intended to take pictures with at the prom.It turned out,that my sister(In Taiwan as i speak)took both her digital camera and the camcorder back to Taiwan.As a chaser of celebrities(Or Idols)herself it is not hard to come up with a reason as to why she brought both cameras back.When asked why she did what she did,she simply replied,"I dont know." She also asked me to take photos with my friends' cameras,and wait for them to transfer the pictures to me.I dont think she even had the right mind to consider how my friends have other friends too,and that they cannot have half the memory card dominated by my pictures.After all,selfishness is a term that appears in your dictionary.Not mine.Moreover,this is like crashing your car into somebody else's,and asking that person to fix the car himself.Or,killing somebody's baby and go,"Make another one." I was furious that morning,and i had my fist clenched the whole way to Ahmad's house.According to my mother,my sister asked her friend for help when i was already gone.She borrowed a camera from her friend and asked me to head to her house and take it.I appreciate the trouble you went through my dear sister,but a simply "Sorry" couldve solved everything.I guess the word "Selfishness" was too long for words like "Sorry" to fit into that tiny dictionary of course.Instead of making me feel a little better,i swear i almost cut my own palm with my nails when i clenched the fist even harder.

Ahmad took a shot at being a hair stylist at his place after a brief wash of my hair at his place.Well,he messed my hair up.But who can i blame?I didnt really expect him to replicate what the humorous barber did in Taiwan,considering the difference between the length of my hair and his.But then again,i wanted to save money.And seeing how Ahmad does his hair usually,i was his Guinea Pig for the Moment(Ahmad,you better not get used to it).We headed down to Compass Point afterwards,with the row of Salons at the fourth floor.We picked one,and went in.I gave some instructions,and the girl nodded her head.Ahmad had a guy tending to his head,while a girl tending to mine.Of course,when it comes to a situation where you are sitting down and a person is standing up with a pair of razor sharp scissors in his or her hand,it is better to not argue with that person and let the person do his job.So i closed my eyes after those brief instructions,and allowed her to tend to my hair.When i opened my eyes,i was utterly shocked by the transformation she did to my hair.It was,a mess.Bushy,i later commented.Initially i said,"Spike the back".But she clearly did not follow the instructions and had my hair all combed to the front.It was horrendous,and she actually said,"You shouldve cut." Well,WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME THAT I SHOULD CUT THEN?Besides,if i could spike my hair,my mother could spike my hair,the stylist in Taiwan could style my hair,i dont see why you couldnt.As Ahmad chewed on his crappy crab thing,i was mumbling away concerning the hair.I called myself "FlatTop" afterwards.

We prepared a little,and was out of the house by 550pm.The trip was brief,and the driver was complaining away about how irritating the ERP system is yada yada.We had a brief conversation,and here it is:

Driver,"Why didnt you guys take the MRT?It is faster and cheaper."
Myself,"It's raining,and we figured a cab is better."
Driver,"You shouldve taken a cab.It's really cheaper,trust me."
Myself,"But it's kinda weird to be in an MRT in a suit and tie isnt it?"
Driver,"No lah!You shouldve went to Japan!You see those teenagers with spiked up hair,corsets and weird costumes taking the train.You guys are nothing compared to them!"
[That comment was later followed by a weird hand gesture,which meant that we were a small fry compared to the Japanese]
Myself,"But,we are not in Japan?"
Driver,"Same lah!"
Myself,"How is it the same with different cultures?"
Driver,"It's the same lah!"

A toad at the bottom of a well i thought.It's different,bastard.

The venue at Swissotel was empty,with Ahmad's friend Glen and Terence wandering around with a few friends of theirs.Of course,i continued to crumble about my hair.FlatTop i was,and i intended to deal with the mess myself.The plan was to wash off the spray,put some water,find some gasoline and burn the god damn salon.

More people started to arrive,and they were astounding.Of course,i am talking about the ladies here.To be honest,the guys paled in comparison when you measure them on the "Glamour" scale.The girls looked different definitely,with some of them totally unrecognisable.The others took a step towards the gothic side,and applied a tad bit too much eyeshades around their eyes.I guess they were trying to go for the Avril Lavigne look without the tie.But i guess they shouldve checked the calendar which read 6th of Decemeber,instead of 31st of October.Beside some of the oddities amongst the crowd,the rest of the girls were amazing.The girls from my class were either beautiful,astounding or simply different from their usual looks.I myself never really liked the gothic look,but WenLai's make up and hair blended in real well with the gothic theme.Others worth mentioning were LiuYin,WanJun(Which recieved the howling treatment from the perverted host),Bernice and the reluctant Shariffah.

Once again,the idle side of me hit and i found myself drifting through the ceremony.I guess it mightve been the fact that i didnt have a camera by my side that time.And no,i didnt hope to see the world through both my eyes(Referance to John Mayer's "3x5").Let me summarise the evening in brief.It involved some stupid games(In which WanJun was humiliated in a way),a gay/perverted/lame host who was paid to sell his stupidity,and prom king and queen without the royal twist.Of course,they were handsome and beautiful.But they didnt feel right for the title.Hell,i think Samantha(Drama Club)shouldve been prom queen instead.But if she were to do anything that the prom queen candidates were asked to do on stage(Which included,squeezing your breasts together,shaking your butts,sticking our your tongue and throwing flying kisses around according to the demostration by the screwed up host),my impression of her wouldve crumbled and disintegrated.Like i said,it was a blur and the food was no more than awful.I bet if the leftovers were sent to some ELDC,it wouldve supplied them with 3 months worth of food.Or gather them on an empty field and call it "Mount de Surplus"(Which meant Mount Leftover in French).

The phototaking session was really the event most people were looking forward to.But not me,exactly.Not that i didnt want to take pictures or whatever.It's just that when you dont have a camera yourself,it is hard for you to actually enjoy taking pictures.Part of the excitement in taking photographs is capturing memories that you'd like to capture.But i didnt have the tool to do it,and therefore i found myself wandering through the crowd alone waiting for people to take pictures with.Basically,i couldnt say,"Hey can you take pictures with me?" because i didnt have a damn camera.All thanks to my sister.But thankfully,i took a whole lot of pictures all thanks to the Marists in the school,the class's girls,the Guitar Club and some other friends of mine.The Marists actually gathered together and took a group picture,which was later followed by the Maris School song led by Dudley Kow,the former choir boy himself.The phototaking session lasted for a long time(Which felt far longer and better than the ceremony itself).Samuel and TGM joined us after their work at the Orchard Hotel,complaining how they were mistreated by the "Captains" at the hotel's restaurant,serving food and drinks non-stop for five straight hours for a mere 27 dollars.Of course,not to mention IBM(You'd know Sam.How's that arm of yours anyway?).

I took a hell lot of photos i must say,and they can be found in Picture Gallery Two on the right hand side of this blog.Of course,im still waiting for people to send me more photos.When my sister asked me to show her the pictures,i purposely said,"i dont have any!" She must have felt guilty.Damn,im bad.So sue me.

The day ended with a brief farewell to my friends in the cab as it sped down the expressway(And past a half dead motorist on the road)with Samuel,Terence and their classmate.Samuel offered to pay for the ride,but of course we paid a bit of it.It was still raining,and i counted the days to my NS enlistment date once more.Then while i crossed the then empty street at 1230am,Krishna's blog entry floated into my mind.

The following is a part of Krishna's entry on December 3rd.

I was at Orchard Road, and it was bustling with people. The Chrismas decorations were up, the whole town area lit up so brightly. There were Chrismas Trees that jiggled, there were angels hung over the streets, with ornamental lights, making the whole scene look like a rainbow. There were girls and guys everywhere. Normally, I would've been really happy to be in the middle of the crowd, coz the whole thing felt so great! Yet, tonight, it felt really heartbreaking. This was the last time that I'm gonna see the Friday Night Lights of Orchard road, and it was just so gorgeous. It's like the whole thing was set up for me, and everyone came out to see me... and I'm glad that I'm leaving with such a gorgeous picture in my mind.

Everything was a tad bit clearer to me all of a sudden.It was so heartbreaking all of a sudden,with the realisation that some of the things that i was seeing,might be the last time i am going to see them for the next two years.The sky is going to be so different from the foliage of the trees at Tekong,and the ground so much softer,with the smell of wet mud and nightcrawlers.Due to that,i couldnt control my emotions all too well.I didnt cry or whatever,but i got irritated really easily these days.I didnt know why,but i was just pissed off at everything around me.Particular apology to Amenda by the way.This is just so quick,and it is tearing me apart so quick that im not even feeling the pain.Im just in a blur.A trance.Idle.Just staring into blank space and waiting for the day itself to come.I guess in some situations,we have a set of emotions that should bear.But nowadays,i feel nothing.Neither here nor there.Happy or sad.Depressed or joyful.Im just,here.Nowhere.Be it a day before Friday or a month,i dont feel the difference now.I just feel like the last days of my life here will be spent with me idling.Wasting my time away,and watching as the hands of time ticks by.Just,counting the days.

Siti offered to buy my something for my Christmas this year.Again.But all i said was:

"The best gift you can give me is to pray for me.Just pray."

I guess on the outside,i am kneeling before the sky praying.Thinking hard,and murmuring prayers under my breath.But inside,i am screaming so loud.As defeaning as it is,i cannot hear myself no more.

Song of the Moment---Blue Eyes by Cary Brothers.