Of the Grey Havens
The following is an abstract from Chapter IX of The Lord of the Rings,The Return of the King.

"As they came to the gates Cirdan the Shipwright came forth to greet them.Very tall he was,and his beard was long,and he was grey and old,save that his eyes were keen as stars;and he looked at them and bowed,and said:'All is now ready.'

Then Cirdan led them to the Havens,and there was a white ship lying,and upon the quay beside a great grey horse stood a figure robed all in white awaiting them.As he turned and came towards them Frodo saw that Gandalf now wore openly on his hand the Third Ring,Narya the Great,and the stone upon it was red as fire.Then those who were to go were glad,for they knew that Gandalf also would take the ship with them.

But Sam was now sorrowful at heart,and it seemed to him that if the parting would be bitter,more grievous still would be the long road home alone.But even as they stood there,and the Elves were going abroad,and all was being made ready to depart,up rode Merry and Pippin in great haste.And amid his tears Pippin laughed.
'You tried to give us a slip once before and failed,Frodo,' he said.'This time you have nearly succeeded,but you have failed again.It was not Sam,though,that gave you away this time,but Gandalf himself!'

'Yes,'said Gandalf;'for it will be better to ride back three together than one alone.Well,here at least,dear friends,on the shores of the Sea comes the end of our fellowship in Middle-Earth.Go in peace!I will not say:do not weep;for not all tears are an evil.'

Then Frodo kissed Merry and Pippin,and last of all Sam,and went aboard;and the sails were drawn up,and the wind blew,and slowly the ship slipped away down the long grey firth;and the light of the glass of Galadriel that Frodo bore glimmered and was lost.And the ship went out into the High Sea and passed on into the West,until at last on a night of rain Frodo smelled a sweet fragrance on the air and heard the sound of singing that came over the water.And then it seemed to him that as in his dream in the house of Bombadil,the grey rain-curtain turned all to silver glass and was rolled back,and he beheld white shores and beyond them a far green country under a swift sunrise.

But to Sam the evening deepened to darkness as he stood at the Haven;and as he looked at the grey sea he saw only a shadow on the waters that was soon lost in the West.There still he stood far into the night,hearing only the sigh and murmur of the waves on the shores of Middle-Earth,and the sound of them sank deep into his heart.Beside him stood Merry and Pippin,and they were silent."

This short abstract from "The Grey Havens" chapter totally describes my feelings now.There are so many people leaving around me nowadays.Its just that feeling of departure that worries me.Like i said before,it is inevitable for people to depart and pursue their own dreams and life.But i guess i never really expected a complete detachment from the original social life that we shared.Agatha and Dini are not in Indonesia,and will probably never return to Singapore.Ever.Which means the Guitar Outings from this day onwards,will have two people short.It is pretty sad to see them leave.After all,they've been through the thicks and the thins at the club.The terror of Tomas,the pain at the tips of our fingers after each guitar practises,as well as the glorious moments we had on stage after each performances.They've been through it all with the bunch of us,and it has been a great ride through.Its been fun girls,and i will never forget it.

Then there's Krishna,who will be leaving for Indonesia,then Germany this coming Sunday.Let's face it.This guy is the guy who has been through the thickest and thinnest of our lives together.The O levels,the A levels,the sun tanning,the conversations on the overhead bridge,phone calls etc.He's been one of my longest lasting friends in life,and i never really saw this day coming.We all know that this is going to come,sooner or later.But it never was "Sooner" in my mind.Perhaps you got over this departure thing a long time ago,convincing yourself that since it is going to end soon there's no harm preparing yourself for it.But i guess,the people who are left behind takes the heaviest blow all the time.Because nobody likes to be left behind.Like Sam,seeing Frodo off at the Grey Havens.I guess it is the feeling of you never coming back,that's keeping me from telling myself that "This is going to be ok".I know there's always the internet,but now i have to think hard when it comes to the right person to go to the movies with.I just want to say that you've been a huge brick in my life man.I hate to see you go,but i guess you have to leave things and people behind.To you,perhaps the dinner tonight served as a closure to things.But i guess to me,Samuel,Ben Tan and a whole lot of people,that dinner was not merely a closure,but the beginning of a new life one way or another.I guess to many of us,there will never be a closure to this sort of things.All i have to say,and should say is good luck and take care of yourself out there.Dont take up Nazism,and do remember the goods and the bads we had in Maris Stella and JC.There will never be a closure,but a break in paragraphs for the people left behind.A fullstop never seems to exist in our minds,but a chapter waiting to be finished.After all,you are not Jesus,and you will not have the last supper with us.There will always be a next supper,be it years from today.Good luck man.

Then there's me and my departure from everyone.I know that i am not the only one leaving from this life of mine.So many guys my age or older will be leaving their lives and moving on to the next phase.Im just too comfortable here,and too many things i want to do that will be left undone for the next two years,and maybe for the rest of my life.After the chalet at Changi,i really had a deep feeling in my mind that i am so going to miss the life here.They are such a wonderful bunch of people,that are so important in my life as well.This time,i will be the one leaving them and not the other way round.The worst of all,is that i am not willing to leave.Compared to the above two examples,i would kill to stay.But that doesnt seem to be an option for me really.Like the message XinYu sent to me yesterday,that's exactly how i feel for the club,but never the guts or the mind to say it straight.That is the life i have now,and that is the life i wont have for the next two years or so.So many things that i will be leaving behind,and by the time i return in two year so many things wouldve changed.Unlikely,to the better.I really want to stay here.I really want to.Even if i know that i will come out from NS a tad bit closer to being a man.I really want to stay here.Where i am.Right now.No one leaving,and no one left behind.

This is different from leaving Primary school and Secondary School.Because there,you are still within the education system.You dont leave that place,and as a result you dont loose full contacts.But now,this is a pursue of life.University is a pursue of life,rather than an education for me.Because it marks what you do in life,and people really go their separate ways and never come back for some.Even if they do,a totally different person awaits and distance grows.

Life sucks really.It sucks people out of your life,and you out of it too.Then sometimes,they throw you back into the life that you are so unfamiliar with.With a week left to my enlistment date,the unwillingness grows.Sometimes,i feel like breaking down and just tear my face off.But the facts of life is keeping me from doing so,and hating it so much more.Life is like the Grey Havens,where you are either Sam or Frodo.However unwilling you are,the ship is going to take you away from where you belong.Be it Singapore,home,friends or the Shire.

However,the distination is not Valinor like in the books.Perhaps the same life with a twist of unwillingness.That sour feeling,and that hatred for the nature of life that you hold so deep in your heart.I know i am pessimistic,but like the departure of everybody and myself,it is inevitable...