Of the Star's History
Yet again,i sat at my balcony tonight and pondered over the Maths questions.Weird,they dont make sense.Well,they never did.Nothing clicked between me and Maths,nothing.Oh well,so i stared up into the cloudless sky for a while.It is a windy night,and i had my trusty sweater on once more.Wisps of clouds,thin as cotton floating about in the sky,and amongst them mingled tiny little stars blinking through.Then i remembered something i heard on a casette tape mom bought me and my sister when were were kids.It was one of those educational tapes which teach you about scientific facts and stuff.I think they were interesting at the very least,at least it changed the way i look at stars sometimes.

The reason why a star always seems to be blinking at you is because its always far away.And the light from these stars travels a long distance between they reach the Earth.In the process,they flicker and blink until they reach the Earth.

Also,due to the physical distance between the Earth and the stars,some of the stars might have already been destroyed years ago.Light takes time to travel in space,and we are talking about distances measured in lightyears.By the time the light reaches Earth,the star couldve been hit by an asteroid,spun out of orbit,or blown up by extra terrestrials.Whatever it is,we are basically witnessing the "History of Stars" everytime we see one of those in the sky.It is a time machine to the past,simply by lifting your head up and looking at them.

When we see the stars,we ponder over them.We admire their beauty and their grace.The contrast between the infinite darkness and the bright starlights.Then you come to wonder,why are we only admiring the past and not looking forward to the future?Appreciating things,only after they are gone?That's human for you.That's us,the homosapiens.Only to treasure the lost.Appreciate the gone.Love the past.Regret the present.Worry the future.Sometimes,one wrong move on the chess board might cause your king to be corned by a bishop and a pawn.Whatever it is,it may spell death.Its checkmate.Sometimes,you just wish to turn back the hands of time.Perhaps,undo some of the wrongs.Say what you want to say.Do what you shouldve,couldve,wouldve done.Regrets,we are all guilty of that.It should be considered a sin,and carved on the ark as the 11th commandment.My dog died last year,perhaps around December or November.After she died,i started to think about how cute she was.The way she played dead when my aunt comes home.The way she ran under the sofa whenever she tries to escape my aunt's slippers.The way she crawls at my pants when i come home.Its weird,that she was only missed when she was gone.It was expected.Her death,that is.She was old.Very old.For a dog anyway.Her death was marked,and everyday seemed like the last.Perhaps,if i realised that i couldve done a lot of things for her.She never seemed happy in the later part of her life.Tail down.Eyes blunt.Thin and just plain sad all the time.I always gave the excuse,"She's old." Maybe,i shouldnt have done so.Now that she's gone,i start to regret.Think about the food that i couldve left in her little bowl after dinner.Those times when i couldve helped to bathe her,but didnt.Its a sad thing,to treasure the lost,long gone things in our lives.

To whom it may concern,sometimes i just dont want to make decisions.To make choices.Like what Tim Park said in Passage 2 for my A Levels GP Paper 2.Choices,are a burden."Can humans really trust their minds to make right choices?" he asked.How do we know for sure,that the decision our minds make are the right ones?Regrets.We cannot run away from them.It is a curse,that perhaps the gods placed on us.My answer,is of no importance.At least not now.Because the decisions i make now might become the regrets in the future.And when you are long gone from my life,i will start to treasure you more.Crave for your presence.And you know what?I hate to regret.I hate regrets.And most of all,i hate the feeling of regrets.I dont trust my mind,and further more i dont trust myself to make a decision like that.Not before you make up your mind.

You sounded as if i am selfish.That i am pushing the responsibility,the blame.But i never did.I really dont want to make a decision now.I dont want to admire the starlight,knowing that it is the past.Appreciating it only after it disappeared.I want to be sure,that the star still exists.That perhaps in the future i might change my mind.I dont want to close all doors now,with a fatal mistake that i might make.Because rejects stink.They really do(You'd know Ahmad).I never understood,but i do now.I know now.Rejections are never happy.Perhaps its because you never tried,and you dont know.I dont want to give rejections.I dont want to have acceptance.I dont want anything,to have nothing.I dont want to make decisions now,because in the future i might regret as well.By then,only too late to realise your value.

Its a hard thing,to decide which star to admire and which not to.After all,we dont know which one was destroyed and which one is not.I guess,all we can do is to sit on this field of grass and watch as they go by the sky.For a brief moment,just admire their beauty.To gasp in awe.

Song of the Moment---Runaway Train by Soul Asylum