Of the Ticking Days
As before,the days till the end of the holidays are coming to an end.Technically,it is because of the NS.Yeah,i have to keep stressing on that fact because it has been bugging my mind lately.Only today did i realise that i am heading back tomorrow.I lost count of the days really,and i found myself enjoying too much to be concerned about the ticking days.The days which are ticking away alike the hands on the wall.Its like a rollercoaster for me,feeling "Hey,NS is nothing!" at one point and "Shit it's coming" on other occasions.The truth is,it is coming at a faster pace than ive imagined.

First of all,i apologise for the lack of entries.It is a trend really,to have a serious lack of entries when i am here in Taiwan.Lost in happiness,or perhaps fulfillment when it comes to desires concerning food.I am here for merely a week,and i am already enjoying this.Sometimes,you really wish that time remains where you are,and NS never comes.Even that NS enlistment letter was a hoax and the reminder SMS i recieved today was a mistake.But i guess instead of going on and on about my enlistment date coming closer and closer,why dont i update my life here in Taiwan a little bit.

Its been great,with the days filled with shoppings,food and familiarities.Ive been doing a lot of shoppings lately concerning my prom.Well,it is once in a lifetime after all and i dont intend to waste it.I dont think they will have proms inside the NS,unless we are talking about the gay-boy boot camp.So yesterday my dad brought the lot of us up to Taipei and shoppped for suits and shirts.I already have that Colin Farrell look in mind,and had no intentions of changing it,despite my mother telling me that the colour maroon is a little courageous.Oh well,we got to this shop called Aoyama,which held the record for being the shop that sold the most suit for men in the world between a period of time in which i cannot remember.That was pretty cool,and it was obvious why it had the record.The shop was huge,and being someone shopping suits for the first time i was dumbfounded,lost amidst the suits.Anyway,we picked a suit together at first without asking the price.Turned out,that the suit was a whooping 500 Singapore dollars,with a 10% discount.So i mouthed "Holy shit!" to my dad behind the shop owner's back to my father as i came out from the dressing room.By the way,the dressing room wasnt really a dressing room.It was more like a corner of the shop with curtains in front of you.So there i was taking off my pants and putting on the trousers when the shop owner pulled the curtains open and offered me another more suitable trousers.So,in front of my fellow customers i was exposed with my pants down.Im not sure if anybody other than the shop owner himself saw me,but as i pulled back the curtains i muttered,"Son of a bitch,you are going into my blog."

So we ended up on a 250 dollars suit,which shouldve been more than 500 dollars,but it was on offer as well.We drove around Taipei's streets in my father's big Lexus SUV,and my sister took pictures of the citylights as i pulled back the ceiling of the car to reveal a glass panel,which allows you to see the street lamps from inside the car.I bought my shirt from a G2000 store and the shoes from Lea New.On total,it summed up to about 400 dollars to 500 dollars,with the suit and the shirt at 50% discount.I wore the suit and took some pictures that night,and it turned out great.My aunt thinks it looks matured,but i dont see what's wrong with being that.I really need to buy gel.Damn it.

Today i went to have lunch at "Jing1 Shan1"(Translates to Golden Hill)restaurant to have some Taiwanese goodness.It was great,and with the wind building up on the streets of Taipei the weather became chilly.Wore my coat and had it flying everywhere as i crossed the streets.The lunch was exceptionally good really.I fell asleep on the car shortly after,due to the fact that my aunt dug me up from the bed in the morning after a brief sleep.My sister took shots of the Taipei 101(The tallest building in the world currently)as we drove by it,and some cars on the streets as well.We got to my cousin's place,but they were not in.We stopped over a while,and i started jamming on their guitars for a while.Both of them just started learning,but one of them dropped it after merely a month.I like Andy's sun burst guitar,but it was of pretty low quality(Especially the capo).Anyway,touching a guitar after such a long time feels great.

Alright.Ive got too much to blog really,but i really cannot type everything here.It chiefly concerns NS and other irritating matters that is somehow related to NS.Life just sucks for me,really.Hopefully,i would enjoy the times from now till 9th of December.Hopefully.

Of the Humorous Barber
Alright,so day two of my trip to Taiwan began with a bright sunny day.With that,you start to question what the teachers taught you in the past,and if they were true at all.I thought the Northern Hemisphere is supposed to experience winter in December?It certainly wasnt the case here in Taiwan this morning as i woke up in a puddle of sweat.However,after a brief rain in the morning,the wind started to pick and you could feel the chilly weather starting to build.Talk about the unpredictability of the weather.It's truly uncertain.

As promised,my aunt brought me to a steak restaurant called "Wang2 Ping3".It's supposingly the best steak restaurant in Taiwan.Anyway,the main meal was fifty Singapore dollars.So i shall leave it as that.The appetitizer was great,with some raw vegetables which i gobbled down.Then it was the corn soup in bread,that was fabulous.The steak itself came as a shock,since it was pretty huge and still attached to a piece of bone from the cow.But the waitress(Kindly)explained that only six pieces of such meat can be found on each cow.So if the restaurant sells sixty of those steaks a day,that means ten cows were slaughtered.You do the math.Anyway,the waitress was kind enough to ask us if we were satisfied with the service and food.Also,she explains how we should eat each and every single dish in front of us,which i thought was great compared to the waitors in Singapore.They have easier jobs:Serve the food.That same waitress even started a conversation about babies with another customers there.Haha.To me,it was a rare sight indeed.
After that we got to "Blockbuster" to rent some Dvds,and i rented Cold Mountain,Big Fish and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind(For my mother).Then it was the trip to the funniest barber i have ever met.

I recognised the place once my aunt parked the car outside the place.It wasnt like an ordinary barbershop,with a proper look to it and stuff.It was more like an ordinary apartment at the first floor,with a sign saying that it is a barbershop.The interior was like going into somebody's house,with the mirrors and the chairs the only difference.The couple had two dogs running about everywhere.Im not too sure of the name of its breed,but its pretty common.So i washed my hair,which was the best part of it all.I love to have my hair washed by the barber.I dont know why,but i guess i just love the way they massage your sculp and that strong jet of water hitting your head.You shouldve seen the smile on my face,really.After some brief instructions from my aunt,the barber took the scissors and comb and started waving it above my head.He didnt look like a barber at all to be honest.He is in his fourties,close to fifties.His hair is white,with them tied up to a pigtail.His wife looked ordinary,and nothing much can be described about her.Housewife,perhaps.I had my fingers crossed,and with the "Just left him cut" attitude in my mind i just allowed him to do his thing.I had my eyes closed most of the time.Not because i was scared to see those hair falling to the floor,but its just because i was tired and i had nothing to do.However,this old lady(In her forties)who was there as well saw how the barber was cutting my hair and started asking some questions regarding his technique.That conversation was so funny i kept laughing(The barber obviously knew the lady.Probably some old customer).

Woman,"What are you doing to his hair?Ive never seen that technique before."
Barber,"Just cutting for fun."
Me,"What?Cutting for fun?"
Barber,"Had to say that.Or else she wouldnt understand."
Woman,"But you dont seem to be cutting anything!Just waving it at the tips of his hair."
Barber,"Then what are these black things on the floor?Grass?"
Woman,"Woah,are you cutting your own fingers?"
Barber,"Am i suicidal?"
Woman,"Its just that i havent seen it before."
Barber,"Teenagers like it nowadays,thats why im cutting it."
Woman,"Then why do you give me this LKK(Old and out of style)hairstyle?"
Barber,"I can cut this for you,but you would be the kind of person whom people will point and call you a mad woman when you walk on the streets."
Woman,"Why?"
Barber,"Because his hair is very straight.This technique helps to make straight hair a wavy feeling.If i do this on your naturally curled hair you will look like a mad woman who got her head chewed by a mad dog."
Woman,"Then i will wear a helmet."
Barber,"Then why cut in the first place???How about this.I will shave you bald and you will wear a helmet.Free of charge."

The exact words of the barber had me laughing my head off.It was really funny,the way he said it anyway.The hair was forty bucks,and i paid it for my aunt who initially insisted.Im not quite used to the hairstyle yet,and its really different from my previous hair.But i guess i will get used to it sooner or later.Alright,its getting late.Later.

Song of the Moment---St Patrick's Day by John Mayer

Of the Maiden Voyage
The following account was recorded while the plane was inclined at an angle,soaring through the sky at about 2pm.I got bored,basically.
So my Maiden Voyage began.It started off with a trip to the toilet in one of the numerous toilets in Terminal 1.Yes,it was indeed a weird way to start this solo journey of mine.But what can i say?I had some bowel trouble.

I left the house at 11,a little behind schedule.My sister hitched a ride to the MRT station,and as usual she took her time to change her clothes,comb her hair,pack her bag,you name it.Anyway,the trip to the airport was real quick.Mom went through to procedures,and kept nagging about the passport and tickets.I guess she was really worried about me.The fact that this is my Maiden Voyage seemed to have worried my mother quite a bit.I got into the VIP checkin area by about 1130am,and it was nothing that ive seen before.Instead of the usual queues you have seats and stuff.It is situated away from the actual checkin area,so you feel a little different from the others.After some last minute naggings,i said goodbye to my mother and i went into the Terminal.Dad asked me to head towards the VIP lounge on the second floor.But i didnt have much time with me at that time.Plus the bowel alarm was ringing,i decided to head towards the more important destination:CoffeeBean.It was close by,and i took a while for the Malay guy to make me my Mocha IceBlend,so my trip to the lounge was cancelled(Damn it).

The trip alone was fun really.Sitting on the toilet bowl without having to worry whether your sister is whining about the delay is indeed a great feeling.I didnt even need to walk slowly just to wait for my sister and mother to catch up.You dont know how good that actually felt.So armed with my Ipod,Mocha,passport and boarding board i got to Gate 41D.Of course,on a solo journey like that it'd be nice to have a quality conversation with somebody.It's four hours,and four hours without any verbal conversations is gruelling.So there i was sitting in the waiting room,sucking on the last bit of Mocha while i observed my fellow passengers.As usual,the old,the babies,the kids and the middle aged.Great(At this point,i forgot that i will be taking Business Class).Then i saw a beautiful girl at the corner,but she was with her family.Bummer.Dont you just hate it when people you have a tad bit of interest,travel together with their parents.She was in a plain white tshirt,and blue jeans.A pony tail laid down her back,and a really beautiful smile.She made a stark contrast with her family members.Her father is a typical man in his late fourties.Side=parted oil covered hair and plain white shirt.Her mother is probably in her early fourties,a little detached from the world.The brother,looked like a typical Raffles Institution top scorer.But she was nice,really simply.Like Melvir's MSN nickname,"Simplicity is the greatest sophistication".So true my man,so true.

As i looked around desperately for a potential conversation started a woman in her early thirties sat down with a close male friend of hers.She seemed like a pretty rich woman.Those you expect to see from Meteor Garden.That branded handbag and the stinky perfume was just a clear representation of richness.So there she was talking like nobody's business,and talking about how she had a brief relationship with some rich guy in New York.I guess if i concentrated hard enough,my thought couldve gotten into her thick bling-bling filled skull of hers."Shut up!".So the business class ticket holders went in first,and everybody were pretty surprised to see this young lad going into the business class alone.I mean,most of the ticket holders were businessmen,or Prada bag holders(If you know what i mean).I got onto the plane,gave my boarding pass to the stewardess and asked where my seat was.I was a little stunned when she told me it was upstairs.Upstairs.Holy.Haha.Anyway,so i walked up the stairs with a smile hanging on my face.That might have explained why the other passengers were looking at me with a queer eye.

As soon as i got myself strapped in i was offered a glass of orange juice.A kid was sitting beside me(About 14 years old),and he was with his mother.I wanted to talk,but he seemed to be pretty nervous about my existence.Maybe he's just a plain loner,but who cares(Perhaps my black wardrobe was a little intimidating).Plane took off,and i jot down the first paragraph of this entry(I am currently at my aunt's house with a tummy full of dinner).The flight was great,with the stewardess constantly asking you for services.Instead of having your lunch coming in a tray all at once,they came one by one.Skirmish,main meal,dessert,drinks and so on.Alright,if the Economy class is a motel,this is Fullerton.The skirmish was great,and the meal was great(The fish was particularly good with some traditional Philippino sauce.It was mouth watering.You even get to choose what kind of bread you want.From usual bread,the garlic bread(Ahmad Iskandar...),French loaf etc.The fruits were great.From Papaya,to Bananas,to Apples to Oranges.Cheese covered biscuits with carrot sticks.The dessert was this thing called Chocolate Musso(Or something like that)which tasted a little like icecream,but a little softer.The tea was great,and i gulped down two bowls of it(Yeah,the cup was big enough to be called a bowl).

I finally got to watch I,Robots on the flight.It is rare for me to actually watch a movie that i havent watched before,or worthy the watch.The last time i watched was Matchstick Man,which was great.I didnt sleep this time,and i think i missed quite a big chunk of I,Robot(I watched as Del goes home to visit his mother).I missed it because i had another bowel attack in the lavatory(Aka toilet).The best part about sitting on the second floor is perhaps the view.Not out the window,but the pilots.Cool stuff.Anyway,i wrote a poem on the way.Didnt have a guitar to compose that into a song,but i wrote it anyway.

Dad picked me up from the airport,and we headed to my Aunt's house after shunning away from some traffic jams(It was 6 by the time we headed out of the airport.Peak hour).It is strange to be back here again.I mean,things are so familiar despite the fact that i havent seen everything since a full year ago.It all looks the same,with the same venders around the corner still selling the same food.It is home for me,and everytime i am here i feel happy.Even if it means that i have to visit those relatives of mine(Which can get really frustrating).Anyway,my papers ended.But i still feel a little tensed about things.Its sort of like that "Hey,i should be doing something" feeling that i cant seem to let down.Whatever it is,i think i should give myself a break.Im having a steak lunch with my aunt tomorrow,and it is my treat.Hopefully she'd be happy,and my stomach too.Signing out.;)

Behold the world at 30000 feet.
The white clouds that float like jagged little teeth.
But friendly they are,full of deciet.
Im in my comfort zone now,cant you see?

That stressful place filled with greed.
Yes my friend,that's reality.
Away i fly now,and so i flee.
Upon the plane i sit,above the sea.

Like a thunderstorm,all too brief.
That's my visit home,may it be.
Soon i'd be back,drenched in grief.
Back down there,the whole 30000 feet.

Of the Valentine's Day Deja Vu
If you've been here at my blog long enough,you guys should understand what the title means.If not,go and read what happened on this year's Valentine's Day.The archives are on the right.

Anyway,I feel like this is a bloody Deja Vu.I am sitting at home right after my last paper,blogging again.Whatever happened to the loud club music,the strong alcohol,the laughs and the cheers that is supposed to occur?I have no idea.For some reason,i am still a little tensed about this whole deal with the As.In medical terms,it is called the Side Effects.I guess myself,along with the 18 year old JC students are all traumatized about this examination.Its one of those ordeals that never really leaves you head.A quote from Ripley Scott's "Black Hawk Down" that goes,"Only the Dead have seen the End of War" applies to my situation flawlessly.Perhaps the only way i can get this feeling out of me is to kill myself.Remember that feeling after the Os,when you just cannot let yourself calm down?Yeah,i am feeling that right now.I feel like i should be doing something,but there is really nothing i can do.Besides,i burnt the books and notes.So there isnt anything left for me to study anyway.

Most of my friends are still having papers.My classmates have their own plans with themselves,and with the school located right next to my house it was my one and only option.After all,it was raining like mad after the Geography paper today,and it was already 5pm when we headed out of the hall,so anywhere would be such a turn off.While different cliques headed their opposite ways to begin their mini-celebrations,i turned on my Ipod and blasted The Vines' "Get Free" in my ears as i walked through the rain.What a fitting song indeed,and i found myself screaming to the lyrics of that song while nobody was around(Save for that maniac who was running around the track in the rain).I was dead tired,and i didnt discuss the paper very much with my friends.The paper was fine i guess,and i managed to finish using all the papers without handing the extras down the row.I guess everybody set targets on how much they should write for each exam,and i guess i reached mine.

Sitting home alone,celebrating the freedom with myself is kind of weird.It is odd to see that you are the only person on your MSN list screaming out in joy that the exams are over.Because most of them are still amidst this chaos.So by going "Im Free!" is like saying "Hey,Kick my Ass!".You are basically asking for it.Well,maybe i will find some party boopers and start pulling those strings myself.Just like how i plotted the "Self-Pity" box of Chocolates last Valentine's Day.

Come to think about it,i am living for Taiwan in less than a day's time.This exam still remains surreal to me.In fact,the period from now until the As still seem surreal to me.It is happening,but not quite.I guess i need a reality check somehow,and catch up as soon as possible.My bag's not packed yet.I guess i wouldnt need to many things this time round.My Ipod,checked.Chargers,checked.Notebook(For my writings),checked.Diskettes(With my stories inside),checked.Pens,checked.Handphone,checked.That "I want to Get Out of Here!" attitude,checked.Tickets,checked.I am supposed to be at the airport by 1130am.Well,actually the seats are fixed.I dont even need to get there to book early.But i asked my mom if i can head there early.She understands that i am a solitude/nocturnal animal,she agreed.

So i guess,it is kind of pathetic to be at home right after your damn A level paper.I guess my party starts a little later than the rest,with my trip to Taiwan and the guitar chalet being the highlights.Oh yes,and the outing with Alvin and the Secondary School gang.That'd be fun indeed.Or rather,interesting.Guess i have to start packing now.The next post here would be from me,in Taiwan.Haha.I cant wait to get there and enjoy the TV channels again.Motherland,here i come.

Oh by the way,i was thinking about my hairstyle.Maybe i should go the radical route this time.Dye white.Haha.Well,just a crazy thought from this insanely bored man.For now,goodnight.

Song of the Moment---Vertigo by U2(Un.Dos.Tres.Cartoce!)

Of Familiarities
It suddenly occured to me that i havent blogged at night for the past few days.It is a strange thing,considering how i pride myself for being a nocturnal creature.I guess the nights have been dominated by books and sleep a little too much for me to realise anything at night.Usually,its times at night when i clear my thoughts.Remove the crap,and organise the useful ones(Which most of the time,ends up here).

It's raining again.Its been raining pretty often lately,especially in the night.It's funny my sister has some really immatured and ill informed friends,not knowing that it actually rains in Singapore(Yeah,when my sister told her that it was raining,her friend was stunned and amazed).Mind you,she is twenty years old.Then you start to think about how intellectually disintegrated our youths are.I wonder what her reaction would be if i told her that Singaporeans are humans too.She could just vomit white foam and puke blood everywhere.Symptoms of disbelief.

As a tradition,i like to study at the balcony especially when it is raining.For some reason the sound of rain hitting the metal ledge is distracting in a peaceful way.Its the kind of distraction you are willing to ignore(Kinda weird seeing those two words in the same sentence).Instead of plummeting my face into the Arid and Semi-Arid notes,i watched as the world turned grey in the stillness of the night.The leaves of the plants nodding as the droplets of water hit its surface,and the cold chilly rain drops hitting me like little wake up calls.

It suddenly dawned on me that i am not going to be in that position too often in less than a month's time.NS is evil,in a way.It takes away familiarities.That seat at the balcony that ive grown to be so familiar with,is going to be taken away from me five days a week for the next two years or so.I still remember how grandma and my mother painted the metal ledge together on a sunny afternoon a couple of years back.Its weird how old memories and details start to be remembered and noticed only when time is running out.I used to play toy cars and little action figures amongst the plants and its stems.Always burying my toys in the soil and pouring water over them.Thoughts and memories are coming back,but a tad bit too late.I looked around the balcony,then the house itself.Feeling a tad bit depressed and a little surreal all of a sudden.Things that ive grown to live with,will be gone for my life for two years.Two years.The sight of the sky from the camp in Tekong is going to be so different from the balcony.Especially when your sight is covered in mud,the world seems just a little too brown-ish.The familiarity of the sky,torn from me.Kinda like abortion,isnt it.You,the baby.NS,the metal tongs.Life,the womb.

There are so many things that can be done in two years.And for some reason,the 18 year olds(Mostly)in Singapore are deprived of that chance to do something.Something that may potentially change their lives.Im a people person,and i like to interact with people a lot.It is not uncommon for me to make new friends once in a while.But nowadays,they dont seem to be very important.Its not that these friends are not fun,or interesting to talk to.Its just the time i will be able to spend with these friends will be very limited.The amount of friendship that you can build is very much limited to how much time you are outside of camp.Somehow,a new friendship or a new bond with somebody new doesnt matter anymore.Not in the eve of NS,not when it is staring at me with a wicked smile on its face.I want to enjoy NS.In fact,i have my fingers crossed that i'd like it.After all,time flies when you have fun.The first three months in SRJC was a blast,and it flew by quicker than my memory could store it.I hope i like it,but im not sure if i'd like the familiarity it takes away from me.

My room,so familiar to me.That smell is going to disappear when im back every weekend.Its not going to smell like my room.It's going to smell like any other room.Which is a sad thing,because when familiarity is stripped away from you,you dont feel like you belong to anywhere,anymore.NS strips you of those things,and it is life's stripper(Pun intended).

Song of the Moment---Clarity by John Mayer(Cant stop playing it on the guitar)

Song of the Day:
No Such Thing by John Mayer



"Welcome to the real world"
she said to me kind of condescendingly
"Take a seat, take your life
plot it out in black and white"
Well I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
and the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me
is still hiding up my sleeve

They love to tell you "stay inside the lines"
but something's better on the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
just a lie you've got to rise above

So the good boys and girls take the so-called right track
faded white hats grabbing the credits and making transfers
they read all the books but they can't find the answers
and all of our parents, they're getting older
I wonder if they've wished for anything better
while in their memories, tiny tragedies

they love to tell you "stay inside the lines"
but something's better on the other side

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
just a lie you've got to rise above

I am invincible
I am invincible
I am invincible
as long as I'm alive

I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
just a lie you've got to rise above

I just can't wait till my ten year reunion
I'm gonna bust down the double doors
and when I stand on these tables before you
you will know what all this time was for

As the exams come to an end tomorrow,i thought it was appropriate to post this song.I wonder how our lives would turn out after this day.I mean,you have the ladies who will be taking a long break from now till the results,then to the Universities.Be it local or overseas.For the guys,it can be a little predictable.The future probably would involve mud,sweat,smoke,commands,push ups and a whole body full of aching muscles.Whatever it is,guys' life probably starts two years after tomorrow.Whatever it is,it is what we do in our lives after tomorrow that counts i guess.When reality really starts to kick in,and you find yourself pretty helpless amongst the lions and the wolves.The so called "Real World" out there scares me sometimes.Like the lyrics,i guess the "Real World" is just a lie we have to rise above.No,not that Real World you Matrix fanboys.I guess we dont need to conform to the world sometimes,the world which people deem as the real world.Why cant we follow our own dreams and beliefs sometimes."To Stay inside the Line",but what if it is better on the other side?Well,we all have to take our little step towards the unknown,to know.

Anyway,the end is close.I just wish everybody the best of luck after tomorrow.The great unknown is out there,and it can get a little menacing sometimes.Guess we got to grow out of that child someday and face the impending peril.Damn,i love this song.

Of the Tissue Suspicion
Ever had the feeling that you are followed as you walk down the dark alley in the middle of the night?Or perhaps when you are bathing and you feel as if somebody's peeping in through the windows and you feel naked(Well,you are naked)?Oh,and that childhood fear of a snoring monster under your bed every single night?Well,childhood fears or adult fears,they all originate from one thing.Suspicion.Humans are suspicious of almost everything around us.If you trust people or things too easily,then you are probably the first to be digested in this monstrous world.Basically,you are at the bottom of the food chain.The strong feasts on the weak.Instincts are what we base our suspicions on when we feel that something is wrong.Or the so called "Sixth Sense".But sometimes,they can be wrong.Today,i hope mine was working for the paper.But it was obviously malfunctioning for one of the invigilators.

As i arrived in school,it was nice to know that everybody slacked the weekend away.Let's admit it,it is an encouraging feeling to know everybody is in the same state as yourself.Like what Nisah said before the Econs Paper 3,"I hope everybody is as stupid as me." When you are fat,all you can hope for is that everybody's fatter than you.I guess its human nature to think that way.Never really banked on my Econs Paper 1 and 2 to score.In fact,i dont bank on anything.With that headache running through my head due to the lack of sleep i was in a pretty foul mood.As i sat in the "Circle of Friendship"(Rachel calls the circle we sit in every morning by that name),i kept quiet most of the time.Save for the part when the milipede was crawling towards Rachel and she was trying desperately to fan it away with her file.That was hilarious.Eventually it crawled over the edge and disappeared,with Rachel's fascinated eyes still eyeing the insect.

Anyway,i got into the hall,took out the things i need and strolled to my table.The MCQ was fine,but halfway through the paper i had a stomachache.It was really bad,and i felt like there was a vacuum cleaner sucking my stomach inwards.It was painful,and i almost stabbed myself with the pencil i had in my hands.The feeling went away after a few pain attacks,and i continued.It never returned after a while,and all the way till after Paper 1.There was a 10 minute break in between the papers,so the we sat around and discussed the questions briefly.Paper 2 started,and the attack came once more.I was cursing under my breath,and i reckon Hasif(Who was sitting right next to me)heard my cursing.It was unbearable,and i asked to head to the toilet.Before i did,i took the pack of tissue from LiuYin's table and waved it to her face telling her,"Hey,im borrowing this." I sat down,and the pain slowly faded away.As i sat there i wondered if this is how girls feel every month when "that" comes.As in,if the pain is equivalent.If they are,then i must really take my hat off for the ladies.It is incredible that you guys can take such pain.Maybe that's why the ladies have highly tolerance level for pain statistically.Maybe they are already used to the pain somehow.

Anyway,here comes the tissue incident.As i walked out of the toilet,i was stopped by one of the male invigilators.I was eager to rush back to my table,but he took his time to call me back.So here's the conversation:

Invigilator,"Come here."
Me,"Yes?"
Invigilator,"Whose tissue is that?"
Me,"My friend's."
Invigilator,"Did you ask for permission?"
Me,"Erm.Yeah.I waved it in her face.I hope she knew."
Invigilator,"No,from me."
Me,"Oh,that no."
Invigilator,"Give me the tissue."

With that,he took the pack of tissue and started flipping through the layers.Then i realised that he suspected me of cheating.Cheating.What,do i look like a cheater?Anyway,he even flipped through ply by ply.Yeah,ply by ply.He was hoping to find a note or whatever hidden between the sheets,and was preparing to bar me from subsequent papers.As i stared at this ridiculous guy with bewilderment,i realised that he was using only his index and thumb to check the layers,like he was afraid to have his hand stained or something.For the record,i didnt use the pack of tissue.They had rolls in the toilet and i didnt use it.I shouldve bloody done my business on the tissue so you will suffer the smell all day long.But,it's LiuYin's.Cant do that.As he handed me the tissue,i ran off into the hall quickly.As i did,i mumbled under my breath,"It's tissue,bastard."

The paper ended,and i was still crumbling about Mr Tissue Checker.The guy whose sixth sense obviously malfunctioned and called me a cheater.Well,it was implied anyway.His suspicion went haywire this morning,and his attitude was just provocative.I couldve started a brawl with the invigilators like the Pacers-Pistons game the other day.This time,not throwing paper cups and popcorns.But tissue papers.Bastard.You must add oil to the fire huh(The paper being dog poop)?Or should i say,accusation?

Song of the Moment---3x5(Live Version) by John Mayer ("I love you too,co-ordinated ladies!")

Of John Milton

Kevin Lomax,"Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.Is that it??
John Milton,"Why not? I'm here on the ground with my nose in it since the whole thing began. I've nurtured every sensation man's been inspired to have. I cared about what he wanted and I never judged him. Why? Because I never rejected him, in spite of all his imperfections. I'm a fan of man. I'm a humanist. Maybe the last humanist."

John Milton,"Don't get too cocky my boy. No matter how good you are don't ever let them see you coming. That's the gaffe my friend. You gotta keep yourself small. Innocuous. Be the little guy. You know, the nerd.The leper.Shit-kickin' surfer. Look at me.
[Stops and pauses]
John Milton,"Underestimated from Day One. You'd never think I was a master of the universe, now would ya?"

[On Love]
John Milton,"Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate."

---The Devil's Advocate

Of Simple Conversations
Its Friday,and it marks the day whereby it is less than a week to the end of this whole bullshit.Yeah,im talking about the As.These dreadful days are going to be over soon enough.I didnt sleep too much yesterday night,all thanks to the lack of studies.Foolishly,i left Malthus out of my studies.It came out,and god was i stunned or what.So much for the late nights.Therefore,throughout the paper the only thing keeping me awake and encouraged was the sight of my bed in front of me,and the air con on in my room.Wow,my Euphoria.Incredible.Anyway,the paper was weird.Just plain weird.And i certainly did not complete the paper under normal circumstances.The handphones were vibrating in bags,and one of them had the alarm on.The teacher switched it off,and it turned back on a couple of minutes later.It was seriously distracting.Then came the uneven length of the legs of my table.It was so shaky,that if i place my weight on one side of the table papers would slide off.I thought the money invested into building the new school compound involved better tables for students?So i grabbed my pencil case and papers and hopped to the next empty row.

Oh well,a friend's friend told me that i write too much about school(You know who you are).So i shall not continue after that brief account of what happened.Basically,if Econs Paper 3 was horse poop,this paper was monkey poop.

I treated myself to a deep sleep indeed.After surfing the net for a while and a little tv at noon,and fell into a deep coma with weird dreams.Something about me wandering through a vast swimming pool with a guitar strapped around me.Then some creature with a baby's head and a centipede body.The funniest thing was,i wasnt even scared or anything.I just wandered around the swimming pool with the guitar around me.It was strange really.

I woke up to a call from Samanta.Apparently she bought some pirated game and couldnt get it to work on her computer(You woke me up for that?!).But oh well,since it was about time to wake myself up i didnt see why not.The house was empty then,with the whole house in a dark and gloomy state.Apparently,my mom and sister went out on a secret shopping spree without my knowledge.Oh well,so i logged onto the internet and was surprised to see a very familiar yet distant face there.Rs was online,after seven bloody months she finally decided to come online.

It was some impulsive act i supposed.Or maybe i was just too damn bored in that empty house.Maybe the weather then was just sleep inducing,and everybody went to sleep instead of coming online.Nobody was online except her,and i simply typed a "Hello" in the window i opened.Of course,the first thing i asked was why she vanished from cyberspace for such a long time.She claimed that she was busy.Oh well,busy.We are all busy arent we?Always a very good excuse.But i guess,i shouldnt take the reply with such suspicion.What for,anyway?The conversation was brief and short.Pretty much covered some of the only conversational topics avaliable to my post-sleep brain.Well,despite it being too short to be called a conversation,at least i did not end up going "So how was your day?".That's kind of like the alarm going off in your head,warning you of the upcoming tidal wave of awkwardness(That's a good tip for you Samuel).After seven months,and that was all she could say.Oh well,i guess i shouldnt ask for too much.It just,wouldnt seem natural.

Seven months is a long time for anything to be forgotten.Even the paint on your wall is not going to look as bright as it was seven months later.After she said "Bye" on the window,i sat at the computer wondering about something.Well,something was missing to this whole incident.Perhaps it was the excitement of it all.Maybe its because this conversation was really impulse-induced.I didnt really think much before i started typing anything.It must be my left hand not working right again.Been playing too much guitar(John Mayer's 3x5 is addictive.Isnt it Ahmad?).My joints hurt now,and i cant type straight.Maybe it is all of the above,i dont feel uncomfortable talking to her anymore.At the same time,i dont feel the urge to impress or whatever.I didnt feel like i was talking to someone i liked,nor did i allow any idea of a possible come back on my part.I just,talked like how i talk to anybody on my MSN list.Just a simple and plain conversation i have everyday.I still remember those days when i actually had to plan out what to say to a person.Especially someone like her.I had to brainstorm on the possible conversational topics.Just now,i didnt do it.And it went on fine.

I guess we shouldnt look too far ahead sometimes.Just,a trip over the rocks sometimes can send you rolling down the side of a plateau(Sorry for the Geographical Term).Simple conversations.The ones that are truly appreciated and enjoyable indeed.Anyway,since im crazy over this song now,i might as well post part of the lyrics.So here it is.;)

I'm writing you to
Catch you up on places I've been
You held this letter
Probably got excited, but there's nothing else inside it

Didn't have a camera by my side this time
Hoping I would see the world with both my eyes
Maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm
In the mood to lose my way with words.

Today skies are painted colors of a cowboy's cliche'
And strange how clouds that look like mountains in the sky
are next to mountains anyway

You should have seen that sunrise with your own eyes
it brought me back to life
You'll be with me next time I go outside
No more 3x5s.
Just no more 3x5s.

Guess you had to be there.
Guess you had to be there with me...

Song of the Moment---3x5 by John Mayer

Of the Flight Procedures
Its merely a week till the end of my As.Well,not very encouraging so far.The Economics Paper 3 today didnt do any justice.Well,i guess i must be better off compared to some of my classmates.I was pretty ticked off when i discovered that my pencil was screwed up halfway through the paper.I had to draw the curves with my black pen,and how irritating can that be?So there i was getting my hands stained with pencil lead and black ink.Great.

I guess the paper was alright.I mean,i wasnt too happy after the paper.But at least i didnt pull a long face like i did yesterday.I actually talked after the paper,so i guess that's a change.Or,at least i hope so.Most people were complaining that they didnt have time to finish.For me,i had more things to write.A lot more.But i figured i should move on to the next question.Like Eric said before,better to write something for everything than to bank on merely two questions.That's what i did,and i guess i did my best.So who cares?It's over.For some reason i was trembling before the paper,and my hands were cold.The air conditioning wasnt too cold,and i had my sweater on.But my hands were cold,covered in sweat.When i got the paper,i just flipped to the other side and checked out the question.I was so afraid that i wouldnt be able to pick three questions out of the six.I circled four at first,and then picked the Elasticity question to do.I just kept writing and writing,and wrote short notes on the question paper as my plan.It was untidy,but i didnt have time to lose.Valerie on the other hand was making neat plans on a blank foolscape before she started her paper.No time for that man.Of course,then it was the usual post-paper conversation with Eric at the 105 bus stop as he waited for his mother(Who was awfully late by the way).

Ive been counting down the days to the end of my papers.Instead of counting the number of subjects left i prefer to count by the papers.The feeling of striking papers one by one is great.So right now,i am officially halfway through my exams with merely four papers left.Two Geography Papers and two more Economics Paper.This also means that i have about a week left in Singapore,when my last vacation begins.Kinda like Jesus' last supper i guess.But my supper comes in the form of a vacation abroad alone.Ive been planning on what i want to do before i get onto the plane,on the plane and when i get off.After all,it is my first trip alone.I plan to stroll through the terminal alone before i board the plane.We usually arrive two hours early when we leave Singapore,and then wander around the terminal aimlessly.Im probably going to find the CoffeeBean(Though im not too sure about the location)and by the Ice Blend again.Then head on to the viewing gallery to catch some sleep.Usually the airport is quite empty at that time,with a few air hostess walking about and janitors pushing and pulling vacuum cleaners across the carpetted floor far off.That constant humming sound going through the empty halls,and the occasional announcement over the PA.Its a nice place to be in really.Just,quiet all around.Last year i was fortunate enough to see the planes take off in the rain,and it resembled a thunderstorm from where i was sitting.Truly a breath taking sight.

If i am lucky enough,im not going to share a seat with a jumbo this time.I remember this time when i sat next to a jumbo and he had to go to the toilet(Or Lavatory).He squeezed passed me and his butt barely missing the tip of my nose.That wasnt a good experience at all.Another thing i hate about taking planes is the existence of irritating infants crying their heads off.We are 30000 feet off the face of the Earth,enjoying the beautiful mountain clouds outside the window.Then the kid behind you start to scream for food and the whole image cracks and shatters.Kids just cannot keep their butts still on flights.Kicking your chair once in a while and peeping over the top of your seat to grab a view at the passenger ahead.I usually give them a cold stare and mouth "Go away".I usually take a stroll to the end of the plane and back just to stretch myself a little bit.I guess me and my uncle are the only humans who love the food on the planes.At least the ones on Eva Air.Haha.I love them.And i love the toilets too.It's so compact and everything you need is inside.Too bad for anybody behind me in the queue.I wonder what the inflight movie would be this time.Hopefully its something i havent watched before.Also,i hope to start a conversation with a passenger on the flight.For some reason,my fellow passengers on the plan are always the old grumpy men and women,or young kids wanting to get out of the plane(Why dont you just take a leap out of the window idiot).I dont see a lot of teenagers.At least if i do see one,then the conversation can start off right?Im keeping my fingers crossed.

Then the plane lands,i get off.Following the crowd is the only way you wont get lost in the Taiwanese airport.It can be quite a chore if you do get lost.The guy at the counter recognises me already,and i always say hi to him every year.Haha.It's a fun experience.I hate waiting for my luggage.Its always the last to come out because i usually arrive at the airport early.Which means,my luggages are always at the back.Bummer.Let's hope that the Ipod can kill some of those time.

I cant wait for this trip.Perhaps my last trip overseas before i head on to NS.Then it's probably a two year interval without myself stepping near the airport at all(Great).Sigh,i really love travelling.I just love everything about it.It's like some tribal ritual somehow.The road towards adulthood somehow.Haha.Alright,that's that.My flight procedures.8 more days,and im off.Getting all pumped!

Song of the Moment---You get What you Give by New Radicals

Of 1983(1986)
Different people blog for different reasons.Some blog just to show off their language skills,some blog to tell people about their daily lives,while others blog for the kick of it.For me,i like to blog because it acts as a gateway for me to vent my anger,stress,depression,etc.The more i type,i better i feel sometimes.Its kinda weird really,for myself to be talking to the blog sometimes.Its like a one way conversation,and never getting a reply.I guess,thats why we all need people to listen to us sometimes.

Anyway,for people like me who suffers from short term memory loss,i cant help but to record things down somewhere.In this case,my blog.Its pretty hard for me remember things nowadays,in fact since the beginning.So the blog acts like a caveman's wall,where the happenings in the world around the caveman were painted upon walls.Then you start to wonder why humans like myself record the depressing things down as well.There are so many happier things in life,but it is always the depressing things that make blogs a little more interesting.Oh well,in this entry i am going to post what happened yesterday and today.So here we go.

15th November 2004
As usual,Krishna asked me to study in NYJC again yesterday.Maths paper 2 was coming up,and i knew shit about it really.To tell you the truth,even though i am a freethinker,i prayed before i went to sleep.Yeah,thats how scared i was before i fell asleep yesterday.I was petrified under the sheets.Ahmad joined us a while later,and because the backgates were locked,he had to take the long way round pass the monsoon drains to the front gate.Anyway,we sat down at the tables outside LT4,and was just about to start doing the NJC paper when we realised that the photocopying machines at the canteen were not working.The other machines are on the second level,and the only way up was blocked by a metal gate firmly locked.The only alternative was to climb over the railing at the side of the staircases and onto the railing of the corridor.It seems easier in words,but its tougher in real life.The railings were thin,at least not enough for your feet.A miscalculation would send you tumbling off the edge of the stairs and onto the ground below.Samuel and Ahmad found a thin wooden plank,which acted as a bridge between the stair and the corridors.I guess Ahmad was inspired by Krishna's friend after seeing him climbing from ledge to ledge at CJC.He wanted to be Spiderman of NYJC i guess,and he volunteered to climb over.It was scary indeed,and it was really high up and dangerous.I warned him about SherYing and all his other female eye candies,but his desire to be labelled as Spiderman was great.

So the incredible Ahmad took off his sandals,and climbed over the railing while i filmed the process with Krishna's camera.The rest helped him over of course,but we cheered as he landed on the corridor,alive.A few moments later,we were back on the staircase,filming Ahmad climbing back onto the staircase while i continued filming.It was great to see him on solid ground again,really.

So the day wore on with the heat building up.Despite of the brief rain that occured int he late afternoon the temperature was too high for anybody to tolerate.Krishna and Guan Ming couldnt,and stripped half naked.Of course,nobody were in school so they were willing to show off a little bit.And as for me,i tried to distract myself by burning up my battery in the Ipod.I took a stroll around the running track as well after the rain.The ground was soft and wet,and walking alone on the tracks was a great feeling of solitude.For some reason,it seemed as if it was dawn again.Its one of those times,when the line between dawn and dusk is blurred,and you couldnt figure out whether the day just started or if it is on the way to darkness.Anyhow,we got hungry,and the lot of us ordered Pizza to the school.Samuel(Surprisingly)was kinda enough to offer twenty dollars for the Pizza.We ended up paying merely five dollars each,since the Pizzas,Garlic bread and chicken wings only summed up to 35 dollars.Haha.Thanks Sam.While we waited for the delivery man,we played "Bullshit".Or "Bluff" with the poker cards Krishna always has in his bag.It was a whole lot of fun,and we all took turns to be crowned as the BullShit Kings and Queens.Samuel ended up as the BullShit Princess,but he seemed satisfied.Haha.It was a great way to end the day,the day before the dooms day.A day of petrification lies ahead yet again.What a crock of bullshit indeed.

16th November 2004
I studied into the wee hours yesterday.I know i promised myself to sleep early before every paper,but i couldnt help it.I was just too scared.A new friend of mine Li Xue was kind enough to send over the solutions for Maths Paper 2 2003,and upon seeing the answer keys i was on the verge of suicide.I hate to feel stupid all the bloody time.Oh well,i guess perhaps im not too stupid.People around me are just too damn clever.And Samuel said that if you have a mole on your back,it represents "Luck" or something.Well,i hope you were right Samuel.I need a lot of that.With a quick glance at the notes i was off to school to meet my fate.Everybody was anxious,but Rachel was particularly troubled.Not because of the exam,but about whether she can bring her SpongeBob keychain into the hall.Well,that's a given isnt it?Anyway,so i sat myself down on the table and started the paper at 8am sharp.

The paper sucked so much butt.I hated the paper.My aim was not the pass really,though i constantly stressed in my prayer that a "D" for myself is good enough.However,i just tried to write something for everything.A motto i always tell myself in every exam.It's good enough for me,if i see something for everything.And i tell that,save for question 27.But who cares.I hate Maths.Cant believe i used to love it so much.I guess i have to give it to mom,who made Maths such an interesting subject back in the Primary School days.I was sitting at my place,wishing that im back in the Primary School days,solving problems like "David gives 3 apples to John.How many apples does John have now?".Yeah,go fish.I was staring at odd statistical questions with emptiness in my head.Anyway,so i started thinking about going overseas again.The possibility of me failing the exam,and what i am supposed to do if i do fail it.Like Dellia said,life does not revolve around some stupid grades.But too bad so many people in our society put great emphasis on mere grades.So many things are dependent on it for some,and people are so superficial nowadays it makes me sick.Oh well,seeing the construction workers as i walked home this morning made me wonder if i can make a career out of carrying bricks and operating huge monster trucks and cranes.Well,maybe not.I'd rather stick to my interests and writings.

Anyway,i wonder why i record such entries in blogs.I mean,if i want to remember the nice memories,wouldnt i record the "Goods" instead of the "Bads"?They say that it is stuff like that that acts as a reminder.Mistakes of the past.Oh well,i'd rather not have my reminder hitting me in the forehead in forms of red inks on result slips.Oh well,i hate exams.I hate Maths.I just hate everything about today.Right now,i have a bloody adware lurking around in my computer which i cannot seem to get rid of.Life is such a bitch,and all the bitching must happen in one bloody day.Great.Its raining now.I shall head for bed.Before that,here's a part of the lyrics from John Mayer's "83".Describes my feelings now perfectly(Though 83 should be changed to 86 due to my age.But whatever).

I've these dreams I'm
Walking home.
Home when it used to be.
And everything is
As it was,
Frozen in front of me.

And these days,
I wish I was 6 again.
Oh make me a red cape.
I wanna be Superman.

Oh,if only my life was more like 1983.
All these things would be more like they were at the start of me.
If my life was more like 1983.
I'd plot a course to the source of the purest little part of me.

Of Chemical Reactions
Let's face it.Textbooks and notes are completely useless when you want to gain some precious general knowledge.I mean,by general we expect the knowledge to be practical and useful in our daily lives.General usage of knowledge perhaps.What we learn now,are definitely redundant.In other words,useless.With a twist crudeness,its bullshit.What we need to do,what we really need to do,is to watch channel 10,11 and 12 every single day.Animal Planet,National Geographic and Discovery Channel is all you need for the knowledge of the day.Its enough to fill you up with things,not many people know.Which leads to,the showcase of your brainpower to your peers.Admit it,it feels good.

So there i was watching National Geographic channel with my mom tonight when there was an advertisement that flashed by.Now,i dont take advertisements seriously.But this time there was a sentence that hit me in the forehead.It said:

"What if Love is just a Chemical Reaction?"

Im not a chemistry student.To put the word "Good","Chemistry" and "Me" in the same sentence is just folly.I am perhaps the last person you expect to have those dorky googles on,a tong in my hands and boiling red and blue solutions over the Bunsen Burner(I hope i spelled that right).Hell,all i remember now about Chemistry is the fact that Sodium Chloride is Salt(In which,Krishna "A Student" Dermawan knows not.Haha).It is pathetic,i know.But my life does not revolve around weird colourful solutions that can kill you if you drink them.If you mistake acid for water,you are in for a rollercoaster ride with your guts flipping inside out and outside in.Anyway,i know nuts about chemistry.So you might ask,"Why did that statement hit me like it did?"

Well,i guess its just the whole definition of love everybody has.Im sure you've been asked that same question in more ways than one."What is Love?" Then you come up with some fancy definitions just to win the heart of some girl or whatever.Most people would go,"Oh,you cant explain it." Yeah,we cant.There are so many definitions for this little turn that we often mistake it with something else.For example,sex.Anyway,dont you think the possibility of love being merely a chemical reaction scares you?It totally downgrades the beauty and wonders of love,to a small reaction within our brains that made something tick.Ive read somewhere before,that when you see something pleasent or to your liking,your brain emits this substance(In which,the name is too long to remember)that arouses you.Well,not in that way gentlemen.It just makes you interested in the subject,the object you are seeing.With this assumption in mind,love or liking is merely a signal sent by the brain to the rest of your body.Is it necessary a feeling?Not really.Let's say our technology advances real quick,and in the future we can prevent this substance from sending its signal to the rest of the body.Then we wont be able to love.Be able to like.To have crushes and melt mentally.So,love is not such a powerful thing after all.Its that little tiny bit of chemical in your brain that matters.Without it,you are loveless.

I have my own set of definitions regarding this little word.Of course,i commonly agree that it cannot be explained whatsoever.But i shall give it a try.To me,love is a burden we are willing to bear and a form of stupidity we are willing to take.Well,perhaps thats a close enough definition to some.But a totally different one to the rest.A friend of mine once said that love is evil.Because when you turn "Love" around,it becomes "Evol".Pronounce that,and it sounds like "Evil".In a way,it is evil.But we are willing to accept this evil in our lives.One needs to be naughty once in a while.Haha.Anyway,we dont force ourselve to be willing.It all comes down to this little chemical reaction in our heads.Its sad to learn that really,but we just got to accept things as it is.

They say,that two humans need to have chemistry to like each other.Perhaps the mysterious "Substance" needs to be emitted to the body for both parties just to make that chemistry work.If one does not,then the chemistry fails to exist.Connection fails,you are offline.In a way,it is unfair for both parties.For the one whose brain emitted that substance,it is unfair to like someone and not be liked in return.For the other whose brain malfunctioned,it is unfair as well because your feelings are totally dictated by this little substance in your head.Then,you might be missing out on the right person in your life.But because of thise "Malfunction" within your head,you are not in control of things.Perhaps at a smaller magnitude,but it is definitely unfair as well.

If Chemistry doesnt work,perhaps we should look to Physics."What?" you might ask after you read that sentence.An Arts student going on and on about Physics and Chemistry in his blog.This guy must be doped somehow.Oh well,perhaps i am(Its the time im sure).The first law of Newton states:Every object in a state of uniform motion tends to remain in that state of motion unless an external force is applied to it.Once someone falls in love,he will never stop craving for it.I have a friend(You know who you are)who seems to be craving for it nowadays.Its just evident from his conversations and his entries that he needs some loving.And quick.I guess,once you fall out of a relationship,you start to understand how amazing it is to be in one.Then you want more,and more,and more.I dont know about you,but i dont have the urge right now.Perhaps im in a stop motion.Kinetic Energy?Zero.Im not moving,and im not moved.Yet.You my friend,is moving at 100 miles per hour,and you are missing out on a lot of things in life.Perhaps,going too fast makes you go back a step sometimes.Albert Einstein once had a theory that if an object were to move faster than the speed of light,then that object can actually move back in time.Well,a theory is a theory.Its sprouts from one's imaginations.I mean,how the hell are we supposed to move faster than the speed of light?Not now,anyway.When you go too fast,you actually move a step back.Interesting to note,isnt it?

I guess sometimes the only way to move forward is to take things slow.When the time comes,take charge and take the chances.Dont allow that chemical reaction to occur in your head and let it dictate you.Be your own boss.When that time comes,gain Kinetic Energy.Gain Potential Energy.Make a move,and hope for the best reaction.After all,Newton's Third law states:For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.Either its good,or its bad.Expected,or unexpected.Desirable,or undesirable.Whatever it is,we must take our chances at things,and not let some stupid chemical reactions be the man.

Song of the Moment---Memory by Sugarcult

Song of the Day:
Runaway Train by Soul Asylum



Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
I promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now,
I'm in too deep; there's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just a-drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

And everything seems cut and dried,
Day and night, earth and sky,
Somehow I just don't believe it

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughing at the rain
A little out of touch, a little insane
It's just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train, never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Runaway train, never coming back
Runaway train, tearing up the track
Runaway train, burning in my veins
I run away but it always seems the same

Of the Land of Smurfs



Remember those blue coloured cartoon characters called "Smurfs" which lived in the forest and took naps on huge mushrooms?I was actually there yesterday,at their homeland!Well,technically anyway.I was at Catholic Junior College yesterday,and i didnt see a whole bunch of them anyway.

It was Ahmad Iskandar's great idea to study at CJC.After all,he thought it'll be fun to study in a totally different environment other than our own school.I kinda agreed,but had my reservations.After all,CJC is known for its strict disciplines.No handphones anywhere in school and such.Can be a pain in the ass,really.Anyway,so i got up at 930 and prepared to head on down to the college.It was huge from where i saw it through the bus window.Krishna was at the bus stop sorting out papers,and he led me passed the basketball courts,the infamous grand stand and then the study area.It was all quite in "Smurf Land",with a few of them playing volleyballs on the courts,and a few more in the canteen either studying or eating.We met up with Ben,and we studied a little.Ahmad and Samuel came soon after,and they were met with a big fat lie conjured by Ben,Krishna and myself that Brother Paul(The principal who shares some striking resemblance with Joseph Stalin,the ex-dictator of Russia)wanted to see us,and that i already seen him.Samuel was obviously scared out of his wits,and Ahmad on the other hand was told the secret a few moments later.

As we discussed our papers,Krishna handed me the Maths Paper One while i listened to my Ipod.So he asked,"Hey,Weilien.Question 10 part one.How did you do it?" So i took off my earphones,stared at the functions question and went,"Inverse." Then the table started chuckling and Krishna said,"Its F'(x) you know?Its F Prime X and not F inverse X." Then at that moment,it all dawned on me.In fact,everybody at that table got that question wrong.Everybody did inverse instead of differentiation.As i stared into deep space in bewilderment,Samuel on the other hand found out that he screwed the whole Vectors question up with a wrong Alpha value.All and all,it wasnt a good day to discuss maths.At least not those questions,long over.Bloody hell.

As i went to the toilet with Ahmad i saw a few Ex-Marists at the study area right beside the canteen,and they saw me as well.You shouldve seen that astonished look on their faces,because its just weird to see people from other schools,roaming in yours without anybody stopping us.Well,it was fun i guess.The toilets were pretty eerie i must say,at least the one we went to.At least they had cleaner tables.I did a bit of Maths,on Paper 2 especially.I must say it really helped.Though i didnt do a whole lot,but i think it helped one way or another.

The tour around the school was fun.Krishna showed us the badly battered classroom of his.Holes in the projection screen,notice boards and ceilings.Results of broomsticks being thrown,metal bars from under the table being thrown and stuff.Well,that really reminded me of Maris Stella,where shit like that frequently happened.I guess,CJC couldve been a better place for me after all,as i confessed to Ahmad later on.It feels more at home i guess,with the chaos around me.I guess we all need a little chaos here and there to keep our school life fun and exciting,and not that peaceful and dead place like NYJC.Yes,its peaceful.But its just bloody boring there.You can rot just by sitting there for half an hour.Anyway,Krishna's friend was crazy enough to climb from the first floor to the fourth by jumping and climbing onto ledges at the side of corridors.He is nuts,i must say.And like the Marists they talked porn while doing their work in the study area.Now that's what im talking about.The good old days.Haha.Smurf Land reminded me so much of Maris Stella,that chaotic land of the insane.

After my visit to Smurf Land,the lot of us went to Orchard.Krishna wanted to return a book,and Ahmad wanted to buy blank discs.Well,Ahmad and I ended up eating some Korean food at the food court at the basement level of Takashimaya while the rest left.Finding food is not all that difficult there really.Finding a seat,that's a trick.It took us about ten minutes to find a seat in the corner of the whole food court,and it was really uncomfortable.Oh well,so i went to buy the BBQ Beef set for the both of us,and i treated him to dinner.He then treated me to Chocolate Ice Blend at CoffeeBean,so i guess we are even.Haha.A surprise visit by Dellia at the Coffeebean came as a shock,just as we were about to leave that place.Since Ahmad had an urgent date with the toilet,i stayed for a while to talk to her.It was kinda weird to see her dressed up all formal,since she just finished her work.Her mom was downstairs at some shop going through mounts of clothes,so our conversation was really brief.Oh well,better than nothing i guess.It was all fun.

The best thing about Ipods is the ability to kill time as you travel on long bus trips.I was fortunate enough to grab a seat right at the front of the bus,which tailed Ahmad's 132 for a while.I hate going home from town on bus,especially at peak hours.You are really lucky if you find a seat,and you are really lucky if you dont share it with some old cracky man with a weird smell or some Indian worker who just finished his work at some construction site.Fortunately for me,i took the seat for my own.And Ipod was perhaps my greatest companion then.Oh well,save for the conversation with Dellia on the way home.Haha.Thanks girl,that killed a whole bunch of time.

Song of the Moment---The Way We Are by Lene Marlin

Of the White Nazi
For some reasons,things are popping up around me nowadays to remind me of the "Retardedness" of National Service.You know those things in life,which you never really took heed of?Then one day it just dawns on you,and suddenly that thing is so bloody important in your life.Like,you wouldnt even bother to remember the number for the ambulance.But when that unlucky day comes,suddenly it becomes so bloody important.Like the above scenario,anything to do with NS never really dawned on me as anything important.Then the days passed,and the months went by.The letter came and the days start to tick away as the enlistment date draws near.Every little thing concerning NS start to take a space in your life.As if they are cutting your queue while you are queuing up for movie tickets.They just push and shove around,and try to find a space in your life.Make themselves seem significant.

There i was surfing through the channels when a chinese talkshow was on.They were talking about how girls would run away from their boyfriends,when the guys shave their heads and get ready to hold some machine guys and rifles in the army.Usually,i would just watch it for the kick of it.Its a bloody funny show anyway,and i dont see why i shouldnt watch it.But when i watched that,it just struck me as something important.Well,i cannot relate to the guys in the show anyway.The ones whose girlfriends ran away from them while they were in camp.One of them had his girlfriend running away with his best buddy,and got married.Ouch.Haha.That's a pain in the ass.Anyway,i cannot relate because i dont have a bloody girlfriend.But like i give a rats ass about it.Its no big deal.Like Dudley said in his profile,"Single and Unavaliable".Way to go man.Way to go.

Its a different feeling to be rejected in camp and to be rejection under normal circumstances.Of course,when we are talking about "Breaking Up" its never under normal circumstances.But you get what i mean.NS is a detachment from the normal,the usual life.So whatever happens outside of camp IS reality,the normal life.In other words,the normal circumstance.Anyway,it just reminded me of a scene from "Schindler's List".Sorry for all the references from this movie by the way.There's a scene where the German soldier pulls the men and the women apart,and forced them to get in line.Those who ran away were shot in the back,or dragged back to the line and shot.Dont you see a trend here?The government is like the German soldier,separating the guys from the girls.I mean,its like a break up being forced to happen.Sounds kinda romantic huh?Like Romeo and Juliet.But no,its not that nice in reality.They shave your head,make you crawl through mud,then say goodbye to your girlfriends.This,is evil.They are the evil-doers.

I guess those guys whose girlfriends ran away,wouldnt have broken up with them if NS did not come into their lives.I mean,they could live happily ever after without the intrusion of the bloody Nazi rat.Then he comes along and breaks couples up.You can see it as a test somehow.Devotion of both parties(Usually the ladies).But i guess,with that long a time apart its hard to keep "Devotion" and "Faith" in mind.Sometimes,we cannot always blame the ladies.We should blame those white shirt government people.Or the so called PAP rats.How many countries in the world are still having compulsory national service?I mean,its as stupid as America using the electorial voting system.Its just,bullshit.Who is going to fight Singapore?Remember how Singapore came under Japanese occupation after a mere week or so?Yeah.So i dont see the significance of an army.Lets say Malaysia's pissed off with Singapore and decides to bomb it.Do you think we can do anything about it?A bomb at the water pipes,the natural gas pipe and Singapore will be gone in a few days.

Anyway,its sad to see couples breaking up because of external forces.Not every couple is as lucky as WanJun and her boyfriend.Having a lot less hair and a lot less time didnt decrease the liking between one another for that couple.Those Nazi Rats should be shot and killed.Also,when you are in the army and your girlfriend runs away,its just a totally different thing altogether.There,you dont really have people to talk to.Yeah,bunkmates you say.But people talks.And people laughs.You cannot call her,and you cannot meet her.So there you are like,like an ant in a frying pan desperate to get out.But you cant.Why do you think there are so many suicides in camps.I bet there are in NS,its just that nobody acknowledges that fact.Breaking up in camp is just a totally different story.Its a depression in an abyss.Its deeper than deep,colder than cold.

Im just glad i dont have someone to worry about when i go into NS.Im not going to worry about my girlfriend running away while i am crawling through mud and bushes.My girlfriend is currently my guitars,and unless they are stolen they are here to stay.Its a burden like i said,to have a girlfriend(Or boyfriend for the ladies).I guess,pros and cons.Goods and Bads.Pretty and Ugly.It all adds up.Damn.Why cant i be an Indonesian like Krishna?I'd like to go on a diet,so i can fit into his pocket while he goes to Germany.Bloody bastard!Haha.

Song of the Moment---Not Myself by John Mayer

Of Petrification

"The More You know,the More you Know you Dont Know."

That's a quote i heard on the radio last year(Or the year before the last)from Jamie Yeo when she ended her show.Well,its so true under normal circumstances.They say that the beauty of studying lies between the pages,the satisfaction you get after you learn something new.And the more you learn,the greater and wider the world becomes.Well,all too true.Well,today wasnt such a pleasent scenario.In other words,not a normal circumstance.Its the A levels.The maths paper.And do you know what that means?That means,its time for me to face my fears and be in a state of petrification.

Ive never passed maths.And by that,i mean ive always been failing.So you know how i felt when i woke up this morning in my bed,feeling dreadful and all.They say that last minute studying doesnt help.I beg to differ.I studied "Unemployment" for Prelims and got 17/25 for that question.Last minute stuff helps!Anyway,so there i was flipping through my guidebook(Or the Bible,according to Jasmine)and realised that i forgot a lot of things.And they say that the more you know the more you know you dont know.I mean,i thought learning is a form of enjoyment?Well,supposingly i guess.And guess what,it is not today.Definitely not.Seeing things for the first time an hour before the paper is NOT fun.Its NOT enjoyment.And its definitely NOT enriching.

What the hell,i took my sweater,grabbed my Ipod and left the house with the guidebook in my hands.I reached school pretty early,and was pretty shocked by the number of people who already arrived.Sitting beside the hall with my classmates was alright,since friends always help to calm an anxious soul.But there i was asking Nisah about how to find the range for a function.Oh my god.I thought Functions is supposed to be one of the easiest topics.More information came in,and there i was sitting on the crowd with the guidebook in my hands,petrified.You know how the informations just start pouring in right before the exam.It started raining,and Nisah said,"Its like a blessing from God".Well,that's a beautiful way to put it Nisah.But i prefer to interpret it as "The Weeping of God".Well,sort of like warning me about the nightmare that is about the come.Oh well,petrification here i come.

The paper was weird,with weird questions.I mean,there was a question that goes "Name this type of Parallelogram"(Or something along that line).Ok,that's like asking me giving me the answer before i answer it.Well,the only other type of Parallelogram i know is a Rhombus.So i wrote that,and apparently i got that right.I guess luck was with me all the way,most of the time anyway.I actually got the "Odd Numbers" question correct.At least i got the same answer with Samantha,which is VERY encouraging indeed.And as for the rest,i dont think i want to think about it.Not right now anyway.

Before me is a seven day break.Then comes ANOTHER maths paper.Petrification continues,and i expect myself to be stunned once more.Feel my heart pound against my chest and heat building up in my sweater as my pen trembled in my cold palm.Oh my,i can just imagine myself sweating,and white foam flowing out of my mouth.Signs of petrification.It is a disease,a terminal one.One that ends your career and puts a brick wall on your road to victory.Damn these psychological bullshit.Damn.

Song of the Moment---White Houses by Vanessa Carlton(Yes,another chick song)

Of the Villain in Disguise

Assumptions
The beauty can be the ugly.
The graceful can be a villainy.
The divine can be a devilry.
Assumptions,can be a dangerous thing.

The sweetness can be poison.
The feeling can be treason.
Assumptions without reasons,
Living can be loathsome.

That's all i have to say about my feelings now.Yes,that's it.Goodnight.

Of the Star's History
Yet again,i sat at my balcony tonight and pondered over the Maths questions.Weird,they dont make sense.Well,they never did.Nothing clicked between me and Maths,nothing.Oh well,so i stared up into the cloudless sky for a while.It is a windy night,and i had my trusty sweater on once more.Wisps of clouds,thin as cotton floating about in the sky,and amongst them mingled tiny little stars blinking through.Then i remembered something i heard on a casette tape mom bought me and my sister when were were kids.It was one of those educational tapes which teach you about scientific facts and stuff.I think they were interesting at the very least,at least it changed the way i look at stars sometimes.

The reason why a star always seems to be blinking at you is because its always far away.And the light from these stars travels a long distance between they reach the Earth.In the process,they flicker and blink until they reach the Earth.

Also,due to the physical distance between the Earth and the stars,some of the stars might have already been destroyed years ago.Light takes time to travel in space,and we are talking about distances measured in lightyears.By the time the light reaches Earth,the star couldve been hit by an asteroid,spun out of orbit,or blown up by extra terrestrials.Whatever it is,we are basically witnessing the "History of Stars" everytime we see one of those in the sky.It is a time machine to the past,simply by lifting your head up and looking at them.

When we see the stars,we ponder over them.We admire their beauty and their grace.The contrast between the infinite darkness and the bright starlights.Then you come to wonder,why are we only admiring the past and not looking forward to the future?Appreciating things,only after they are gone?That's human for you.That's us,the homosapiens.Only to treasure the lost.Appreciate the gone.Love the past.Regret the present.Worry the future.Sometimes,one wrong move on the chess board might cause your king to be corned by a bishop and a pawn.Whatever it is,it may spell death.Its checkmate.Sometimes,you just wish to turn back the hands of time.Perhaps,undo some of the wrongs.Say what you want to say.Do what you shouldve,couldve,wouldve done.Regrets,we are all guilty of that.It should be considered a sin,and carved on the ark as the 11th commandment.My dog died last year,perhaps around December or November.After she died,i started to think about how cute she was.The way she played dead when my aunt comes home.The way she ran under the sofa whenever she tries to escape my aunt's slippers.The way she crawls at my pants when i come home.Its weird,that she was only missed when she was gone.It was expected.Her death,that is.She was old.Very old.For a dog anyway.Her death was marked,and everyday seemed like the last.Perhaps,if i realised that i couldve done a lot of things for her.She never seemed happy in the later part of her life.Tail down.Eyes blunt.Thin and just plain sad all the time.I always gave the excuse,"She's old." Maybe,i shouldnt have done so.Now that she's gone,i start to regret.Think about the food that i couldve left in her little bowl after dinner.Those times when i couldve helped to bathe her,but didnt.Its a sad thing,to treasure the lost,long gone things in our lives.

To whom it may concern,sometimes i just dont want to make decisions.To make choices.Like what Tim Park said in Passage 2 for my A Levels GP Paper 2.Choices,are a burden."Can humans really trust their minds to make right choices?" he asked.How do we know for sure,that the decision our minds make are the right ones?Regrets.We cannot run away from them.It is a curse,that perhaps the gods placed on us.My answer,is of no importance.At least not now.Because the decisions i make now might become the regrets in the future.And when you are long gone from my life,i will start to treasure you more.Crave for your presence.And you know what?I hate to regret.I hate regrets.And most of all,i hate the feeling of regrets.I dont trust my mind,and further more i dont trust myself to make a decision like that.Not before you make up your mind.

You sounded as if i am selfish.That i am pushing the responsibility,the blame.But i never did.I really dont want to make a decision now.I dont want to admire the starlight,knowing that it is the past.Appreciating it only after it disappeared.I want to be sure,that the star still exists.That perhaps in the future i might change my mind.I dont want to close all doors now,with a fatal mistake that i might make.Because rejects stink.They really do(You'd know Ahmad).I never understood,but i do now.I know now.Rejections are never happy.Perhaps its because you never tried,and you dont know.I dont want to give rejections.I dont want to have acceptance.I dont want anything,to have nothing.I dont want to make decisions now,because in the future i might regret as well.By then,only too late to realise your value.

Its a hard thing,to decide which star to admire and which not to.After all,we dont know which one was destroyed and which one is not.I guess,all we can do is to sit on this field of grass and watch as they go by the sky.For a brief moment,just admire their beauty.To gasp in awe.

Song of the Moment---Runaway Train by Soul Asylum

Song of the Day:
I am Your Angel by Celine Dion featuring R.Kelly



No Mountains too high, for you to climb
All you have to do is have some climbing faith, oh yeah
No rivers too wide, for you to make it across
All you have to do is believe it when you pray

And then you will see, the morning will come
And everyday will be bright as the sun
All of your fears cast them on me
I just want you to see...

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel

I saw the teardrops, and I heard you cry
All you need is time, seek me and you shall find
You have everything and you're still lonely
It doesn't have to be this way, let me show you a better day

And then you will see, the morning will come
And all of your days will be bright as the sun
So all of your fears, just cast them on me
How can I make you see...



I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel

And when it's time to face the storm
I'll be right by your side
Grace will keep up safe and warm
And I know we will survive

And when it seems as if your end is drawing near
Don't you dare give up the fight
Just put your trust beyond the sky...

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel

Of the Autumn Wind
Man,it rained like mad yesterday.Just to my liking.Haha.Well,as i pulled the clothes in and closed the glass doors at my balcony,i got ready for bed as the rain continued to pour.What comes after the rain,is priceless.No,im not talking about the bugs.Its the cold breeze that flows through the window at night.I was just listening to John William's "The Reunion" and "Schindler's List" when i came up with the poem below.Sorry,its not exactly my best work.It fact,its pretty cheesy.But oh well,its my blog.My poem.My imagination.So bite me.

A sudden chill,
A cold autumn breeze.
Listening to that sound,
Of soft old violin.

Then the fingers danced,
Upon the black and yellow,
Notes that are already lost in the days,
On the same old piano.

The rain came and went.
A grey veil it pulled over us all,
That quietly let out a scent,
Hinting the coming of the fall.

As winter comes,autumn goes.
The leaves fall,and the snow drifts.
Wherever the sorrow goes,the wind follows.
Floats away with the endless grieves.

Beneath the frozen ice,
The river still flows.
Decide our fate and roll a dice,
Fall into the hole and let the wind blow.

Everything pauses,everything stops.
That's winter for you,a great stand-still.
Where everything ends with a great fullstop,
And the innocence remains,calm and still.

Of the Phantasmagorical Times
Some many things are happening around me now,it just seems surreal.Almost dream-like.The As,my little incident with a friend(Nothing bad,really),my schedule after the As,all have a dream-like quality to them.Making them almost unreal.Its like i am in a dream right now,wondering if i should wake up now or continue on in this endless coma.

Phantasmagoric.A word too long for short-tongued people like Samuel(Haha).Well,i figured it is a perfect word to describe my life right now.I mean,its not exactly a nightmare or whatever.Its just a stage of my life i have to walk.Everybody will and must.Its just,surreal?Anyway,it means:

1a)A fantastic sequence of haphazardly associative imagery, as seen in dreams or fever.
b)A constantly changing scene composed of numerous elements.
2)Fantastic imagery as represented in art.

Let's start with the As.Well,a few months ago in the earlier parts of 2004,i wouldve been laughing at anybody who claims that they are studying for the A levels.Of course,ever since we started on this dreadful journey on the Road of Education,we are in fact aiming for the As.Oh well,but studying that early in the year labels you with the name.And that is,"Enthu".Right now,if you are not studying for the As or at least worrying about it,you are labelled with the name.And that is,"DareDevil".Because,if you are not doing so,you can say bye bye to your future.Yeah,that includes career,life,money,wife,kids,cars,condominiums,you name it.It all seemed like a dream back in J1,or even the first part of J2.A dream,or perhaps a nightmare.A level seems like a gathering cloud far away,with lightning cracking the distant skies open.And you,standing in the middle of a field unharmed."Oh well,its far away.Its not gonna come anytime soon." Well guess what,its here.Here and now.Before you know it,your hair is standing up,you are burnt,electrocuted,half dead and struggling for dear life.Today is the first day of the As.For me,at least.The science people probably had their taste of the "Lightning" last week with the practical exams.Oh well,its new to me anyway.It doesnt taste good definitely.Not that i screwed it up or anything,in fact i feel like i did it the way i always do.I didnt do too well,but not too bad either.Well,time will tell i guess?I have seven papers ahead of me,and i cant wait to get things done.Over and done with them.This period of time,so fantastical.The silence before a battle.The deep breath before the plunge.All so quiet with your heart pounding against your chest so hard,things just seem phantasmagorical somehow.

Ever dreamt that you are running for your life for something?Or perhaps chasing a bus,or running down the railway with the train coming up behind.Yeah,that's perhaps the best analogy as to how rushed my post-As schedule is.If you read my blog,you shouldve noticed the two week calendar i posted for myself.Well,im not sure if i am going to follow it with discipline or whatever.In fact,i might just bomb CMPB and declare freedom to all 18 year olds.Anyhow,it all feels like a dream as well.To be in a rush for something.A rush for my life?Perhaps.It seems like i am,trying to enjoy every bit of it before i face my impending doom.There was a movie i watched a long time ago,which i forgot the name.It talks about a man who discovered that he was infected with a terminal illness.So for the next six months he tries his best to live life to the fullest.Well,i dont have six months.I have two weeks.But i do have a disease that needs a cure.I consider NS my allergy,and its making me sneeze.Before that,im gonna live life to the fullest with my friends.Farewell to them all,and head into the jungle.Its almost dream like as well.I remember back in Secondary School when we were talking about NS.Chian Yee,Jefferson,Clement and I were talking about NS.It all seemed like a distant thing,as far as death(That's if you equate NS to death).Its here,and its now.The sneezing begins,and the allergic reactions begin as well.But for now,i am going to hold my nose with tweezers and my fears concealed with a smile.

Then there's,the "Incident".Everyone likes to be liked."What's the harm for being liked?" you may ask.Its like being splashed by a bucket of water.No,no harm done.You just feel cold.But on the other hand,you feel awake.Everybody knows,that the greatest feeling in the world is to love someone,and be loved in return.Ah,how philosophical.Almost too good to be true.It stinks sometimes to reject,even after you've been rejected yourself.There's a proverb that goes,"Dont do unto others,as others would undo to you".Well,i guess perhaps i know why she did it to me.I dont know,i felt guilt.Immerse amount of guilt,especially after what i found about.What she("She" does not refer to Rs)did for me was just,unbelieveable.Its not because it's out of this world or whatever.Oh wait,perhaps my world.No one ever did that for me before,so i guess i am touched.Really touched.With a tad bit of happiness i guess.But when the time comes for my reaction and answer,i hesitated.I didnt know what to say.Because whatever i say is going to hurt her,however way i put it.Its like cutting someone with a penknife and a butcherknife.Its not going to make much of a difference.Pain is pain.Hurt is hurt.Wound is wound.I didnt know how to put it,so i never told her.She knew,but never really accepted it.She asked me not to feel guilty about it,and that i should be happy.To live a happy life,is what she wants me to be.But when someone cries for you,when someone is sad for your departure,how are you supposed to feel happy with that in mind?Perhaps the least i can do,is to feel guilt.To immerse myself in this guilt of rejection.

Dont worry,its not going to affect my studies whatsoever.I feel guilt,perhaps because of the things you did under my nose.I couldve done so many things,things that could make you happier.Talk to you a little more,call you a little more often.Little things like that i guess?But i didnt.If i had known it earlier,i might have done so.I guess,its all too late.Blame it on my instincts,because i saw it all too soon.I guess,a little too soon for the both of us.For once,i didnt have an answer regarding this.I was dumbfounded,and didnt know what to say.I thought perhaps by reading the draft she sent would answer some question.But it created more.I dont have the answer,and i dont think i will have one anything soon.Despite that,i still enjoy the times talking to you.Still love the way you laugh on the phone.I am still your friend,talking to you.Laughing with you.But deep down,a sense of guilt.I feel like i am cheating you somehow,and you see it.But you dont acknowledge it.You hear,but you dont listen.Its all too confusing right now,for me to give any definitely judgement to this matter.I am keeping my doors opened,perhaps someday you can step in.Perhaps you might walk away from this opened door yourself and never to return.Whatever the outcome,i shall remain here on my balcony every night and ponder over the answer that i shall give you.Maybe a day,a week,a month or a year.An answer i shall give,and you shall know.Be it a wound,or a scar.I dont know what damage i would make.But the least i can do,is to hurt myself as well in the process.

This is all too dream-like.Ive never had this experience before.Its all too new i guess.Well,here comes the end of this entry.The Phantasmagorical Times,intriguing and confusing.Is it not?

Song of the Moment---The Reunion by John Williams

Of the Revamped Days
Definition for Revamp:
re.vamp
tr.v. re.vamped, re.vamp.ing, re.vamps
1.To patch up or restore; renovate.
2.To revise or reconstruct (a manuscript, for example).
3.To vamp (a shoe) anew.

n.
The act or an instance of revamping; a complete reorganization or revision.

Today i felt as if im back in the Good O'Days.The Secondary School days.I never realised until a friend told me.The A levels is coming,and it feels surreal.Its merely two days away,and to be honest i dont think anybody can be fully sure that they are ready for it.I guess no matter how hard you train yourself,nobody can stop a running train from bearing down the tracks.

Today i went to school to study again.I started with GP Paper 2,and it was a paper i did before.A long time ago anyway,and it was pretty hard.I didnt do too well,considering how screwed up the answer key is.I wonder how the answers in the answer keys are determined.By teachers,right?I wonder if they ever considered human flaws.I mean,its unlike Maths where there's a definite answer and at the most two methods of working things out.This is different,and i wonder how the teachers can mark these answers according to a specific answer key.This is "English" we are talking about here?Weird.

Anyway,they had lunch in the canteen and i continued with TJC maths paper 1 soon after.It was a good paper i guess,unlike the VJC paper.Like Krishna said,"TJC Paper is good because it makes you think,but it doesnt make you blur.VJC makes you think and makes you blur."Well,i agree with you man.Haha.I like the TJC Paper.I like it so much im gonna do it again later.Haha.Anyway,we held on to that drive until about 530pm and hell broke lose.We just started playing cards and stuff.Oh well,that's usually what we do when we need a break whatsoever.Anyway,i was playing cards when Krishna suddenly asked me,"Say stop." So i asked him to stop,and he pressed the "Send" button on my handphone.Message was sent,and it was to Nathaniel.A "I Love you" message.Great prank Mr Dermawan.Good one.

"Revenge!" i yelled in my mind,and grabbed his handphone.Typed a confession message and sent it to his crush(Whose name shall be kept secret).She replied,and they exchanged sms-es for a while.Surprisingly,she didnt sound surprised or whatever.But like Krishna said,she already knew that he like her.Oh well,so the time wore on and we grew bored.I came up with a forfeit,and it was that the loser shall have his handphone handed to me(And mine handed to someone if i were to lose),and i shall type a "Confession" message as well and send it to a girl.Of course,our common target was Samuel Ong.Haha.Well,Ben Tan and Krishna being the king and Prince(Or Queen) of TaiDee,we were pretty sure that Samuel's going down.However,the unlucky me lost.Oh well,we brought the game to round two and targetted Samuel once more.Again,a success.Haha.So i took Samuel's phone and ran out of the classroom while Ben garbbed him.He chased after me,and i ran down the stairs to the fourth floor.He came after me faster than i thought,and i made a dash for my life back up the stairs on the other side of the corridors.As i got back up i saw Ben at the end of the corridor waiting for me to pass him the handphone,like those trekkers would on the tracks during a relay race.I placed the handphone in his hand and he dashed off,leaving Samuel with a horrific look on his face.On the way,he kept begging for mercy.It was really funny,and i was panting like mad since i havent been running in ages.

Ben passed me the phone moments later and i took off running again.As i ran i changed my name in his phone book to the girl's.Then with his phone i messaged myself.Of course,to Samuel it would look like as if i sent her the message.I gave him back the phone,and told him that i messaged "I am Gay".He was on the verge of dying by then,and was scratching his hair and pacing around the room all panicked and stuff.I then used my phone and messaged his phone with a "Really?".Haha.Well,he found out that it was me,and breathed a sigh of relief.Of course,im not that evil.Samuel after all is my friend.Dont mess with me and i wnt mess with you.Hear that?Mr Dermawan?

Anyway,we called it a day soon after.We went to the toilet and Samuel had a little incident inside that was just,disgusting.I guess he was still traumatized by what i did to him just now.Hands must have been shaking huh?Haha.Anyway,he "solved" the problem in his own unique way,and obviously that didnt work very well.It looked worse,and i was laughing at him.Krishna took out his facial foam and applied it all over his face,so he was white all over.

Krishna:Samuel,you look like you just had a huge *Beep*
Weilien: If his pants look like he just *Beep*,then your face look like you just had a *Beep*.

Anyway,today reminded me a lot about my Secondary School days.I told a friend about it online,and she told me that it sounded like a bunch of Secondary School kids.I guess,the four of us together ARE in fact,Secondary School kids.It was really fun,as if the "Good O'Days" have been revamped,right before the A levels starts.Its a breath of fresh air i guess.How i miss the good old days,when we just run down the corridors without any troubles.Well,save for the risk of being whacked by Dennis Koh,or running into an opening classroom door.Besides that,no worries.No problems.Just run.Its been great guys,i dont know how many more of this "Revamping" we will get,but its definitely been cool.Haha.

Song of the Moment---Theme from October Sky by Mark Isham