Of a Dog,a Box of Chocolates and a Lamp Post
Initially,i typed an entry concerning this "Standstill" that Ive been feeling.I feel as if im in a daze nowadays,unwilling to do certain things that are supposed to be done.Or in a neutral situation that might be better off if i fall either way.Oh well,my computer hung and i had to close Windows Explorer.Which means,that entry is now gone and will never see the light of day.I thought that entry was cool.Oh well,got to deal with the consequence and type a new one.

Being a hot day out and all,nothing seemed right.Your skin seem to melt and merge with the sofa when you watch the television,and when you just sit on your bed your butt feels wet and moist.I was literally melting,and the only thing i thought of that might help me get away from this heat was to turn on the air con and take a good nap.And so I did.

Its amazing how much things go through a human mind before they go to sleep.I wonder how someone can actually fall asleep after thinking through so many things that happened before you close your eyes.I guess nowadays,thats the only time when you find peace within your mind,when you can really calm down and think about the goods and the bads,the ugly and the beautiful things that happened throughout the day.And as for me,i call it the "PreSleep Thoughts".In fact as most might already know,some of the materals you see here comes from those so called "PreSleep Thoughts",and this entry is no exception.

What is my relationship with a her?Or perhaps female in general?Well,of course im not talking about the relationship between me and my mother,or the relationship between me and my neighbour's female dog Lucky.It is the "Likings" kind of relationship i am talking about.Oh well,"PreSleep Emotional Thoughts" might be how this came about.

This relationship can be explained through a simple analogy.It resembles the relationship between a dog and a lamp post.A dog comes around the corner to find the perfect lamp post to dump his load,if you know what i mean.He sniffs and he sniffs,and he finds this perfect lamp post that is not yet taken by other stray dogs.With tears in your eyes you bow to the lamp post,lift your left hind leg and you pee on the foot of the lamp post.After your business is done,you shake up a little and walks away.After some time you return to this same lamp post where you first marked your territory and you do your business again.Well,to allow the smell to retain(Gosh,that was a vivid description.I mightve been a dog in my past life).Everytime you leave,you come back for more.Sometimes when you feel like marking your territory somewhere else,there's always something about this lamp post that brings you back to it.The weirdest thing is,its always there along on the streets alongside other lamp posts,shining brightly in the night and lonely in the day.Foolishly,you go back there all the time.This lamp post has been stained by you a million time,but you dont seem to care.Because your urge and your stubborness seems to prevail in this tug of war in the head.

I know its been some time since everything ended.You know,how long its been since that incident happened.In a way,that lamp post seems to be that incident and i am revisiting this incident over and over again."Why?" is the question i ask myself all the time.Why do i always have to dig up the past?Dig up the past,and all you get is dirty is what they always say.But as for me,this urge of living in that past seems to be pushing me ever forward to that time machine in my head.The "What?" question then surfaces.What would i have done if i were to do this and that.Perhaps never done that or this.And you know why i ask?Because you never told me why.I know somehow that every time i go back to the lamp post,i leave stain in your life.For some reason,thats how i feel.I mean,why would you block me from your MSN if i hadnt stained you before?Its only too obvious for me,but frequently denied.

Perhaps this stray dog should stray somewhere else.The next lamp post in the next street,the next town,the next city,or maybe the next country.But that shiny lamp post always seems to be the best place to be.As a stray dog,you dont know how much warmth you are giving every night when its cold outside.But to you,its just what you are and who you are.Nothing's particularly worth celebrating about,but to me its a little bit of warmth subconsiously.

It all feels like a box of chocolates on Valentine's Day.And as for me,no box of chocolates at my doorstep whichever way i fall.In or out of love.Isnt it sad to realise that when you are in a standstill it makes no difference to change?When you are in a neutral state of mind,there's no desire to move?So you stand idle in the middle of the crossroads and wonder why there are so many paths and so many roads that i might possibly take.Being idle,and being in a standstill might no necessarily be a bad thing.Sometimes,someday,you would wake up like me.To be in a blank and idle state of mind,and stare out into nothingness.Being jaded about who you are and what you are and go into a standstill.Perhaps then you'd realise,"Hey,being in standby mode might not be so bad afterall."

Well painted passion,
You rightly suspect.
Impersonation,
The dumbing down of love.
Jaded in anger,
Love underwhelms you.
No box of chocolates,
Whichever way you fall...
---The Dumbing Down of Loveby Frou Frou

Song of the Moment---Meet Virginia by Train