Of the Letter of Spontaneity
Is it just me,or does everybody do things out of spontaneity?Some things anyway.To do things without thinking,to do things due to an impulsive behaviour.Perhaps,there is a reason to whatever you just did.Just like Joel rushing onto the opposite platform and taking the train to Montack.Subconsciously,it all seemed right.Spontanious reactions might seem stupid at times,but for some reason it all makes perfect sense when you lay it all out subconsciously.

The four consecutive days of honeymoon aka the National Days holiday,was really a resting period for me.Not that i did not do anything for my studies whatsoever,but i really spent more time sleeping than doing anything else.Staying back in school till 8pm everyday is no joke.Anyway,so Monday night at around 2am i was doing my work in front of my computer with the night light on.As some of you might know,when that light is on my room turns into a eerie yet warming atmosphere.Yeah,it is a weird choice of word to use in the same sentence,but it has that weird feeling to it.Its like a really beautiful haunted mansion.You dont really feel scared,just creepy(No one died here,mind you).The essentials for doing maths:Calculator,pen,pencil,liquid paper,notepad,guidebook,homework,an undying spirit of learning.So there i was minding my own business doing endless sums when i finally got tired of them at 230am.It might have been the time when i had that spontanious reaction within,or perhaps it was something else that motivated me to do something.

My mom has this habit of giving me waste papers with a blank page on one side,so i can put all of them together in one bunch and use them as a notepad.Save paper,and a larger space for workings.Two birds with a stone eh?I flipped to a page,and started writing a letter to Rs.Why?I dont know why.I just kept writing and writing.The guitar piece by Justin King was on repeat mode,but i didnt care really.It just played and played while i scribbled away.I wasnt quite sure what i wrote at that time.Things came into my mind and i just wrote it.I wrote the letter as if i was really going to post it out,or perhaps somebody really might read it somehow.Of course,that was not my intention.But what was my intention anyway?Spontaneity kicked in.By the time it was 3am,i had the page full of words written in pencil.It was literally filled with words and there was no place for me to sign off.It was really about how i felt at that moment,and what i wanted and needed to tell you,despite that distance i have to overcome.Perhaps things that i need to know,that was never told in full or with total honesty.Things,that might not have necessarily made sense verbally but through text,or it mightve been too personal that it couldve sent shivers down your spine when heard.All of those,were written in this spontaneous letter of mine,and until today i still have no clue why i wrote that.It didnt have an envelope,it didnt have a stamp.I didnt have a proper beginning,and never had a proper end.By the time i was done,the back of my right hand was covered by lead dust.My table and my keyboards also had those stains,which took me a while to clean off.Staring at the letter under the dim night light,it all seemed like a bunch of words mixed together and jumbled up into a page.It didnt seem much like a letter,but had a striking resemblance to my thoughts.Perhaps i should post this sometime when i am old.When i am half dead in my bed breathing from a tube.Right now,it remains in the stack of waste papers on my Woofer.I might throw it away without knowing it sometime,or i might erase the letter for more workings.Whatever it is,i wouldnt regreat.It was after all,a letter of spontaneity...

"......I dont know why im writing this for,no one is going to read it.Not you,not anyone.Perhaps only the paper and the pencil with a memory that lasts.This is the letter that i am not going to send.It shall remain where it is:In this stack of paper without it being ever sent to your mailbox.I dont deny,that perhaps subconsiously you are still around.But it hurts to realise that i do not have one in yours,and it penetrates so deep.So now i wonder,if i would ever have a reply subconsciously by you.Perhaps not,and never...

Yours Truly,

Weilien

aka The Guy No More than a Memory"

Song of the Moment---Blinded by Third Eye Blind