Of the Certificate of the Forgotten
I was talking to a friend of mine a while ago.He asked me if i am happy now,that everything is over.By everything,i mean whatever that has got to do with her.He said,"Moving on is good.As long as you are happy,right?".That question never occured,and i paused my fingers on my keyboards for a while.Stunned,i was.Perhaps caught unnoticed.Yeah,am i or am i not happy.After much thought,i replied,"But i am not."

It is true,that i am not a happier person than i was a few months ago.I dont feel much different,and thats bad i guess.I shouldve known,that forgetting wouldnt make much of a difference,so i might as well have done it a long time ago.I still wake up in the morning feeling suicidal,i still eat my food and enjoy it to the very last grain of rice,i still go to the toilet and read a book or a magazine every single time,i still go to bed at night thinking about how my parents might think that im gay.(Not that they are suspicious,but having a son not attached at the tender age of 18 isnt a very usual thing is it?A possible answer to that question might be homosexuality.)I still do the same old thing everyday,and forgetting isnt doing much of a difference.They say,that you cannot lose what you never got.Yeah,thats so true.So very true.Perhaps thats why everything's the same.I see her online once in a while,and then i tell myself,"So what?".Her name no longer raises an eyebrow,and her newly uploaded pictures no longer excites me.The truth is,i feel that i do not have a purpose after i chose to forget.I mean,i used to do things with her in my mind.Thinking that maybe i can tell her about this,maybe i can buy her this and that,maybe i can bring her here.Nowadays,i do things without her in my mind.Yeah,that kinda sucks.To have nothing in sight,and not purpose in doing things.Point of advice:Perhaps i shall find other purposes.True,very true.When did doing things need to have purpose anyway?I mean,i can do things because i like to do it,because i want to do it,because i love to do it.Who cares,if she is going to benefit from it in any way or not?Friends still tell me stuff about her.Common reply?"I dont care.I dont want to."Sounds cold,so different from what i was.Yet,everything's the same.

Lately i have been having the weirdest dreams,and they are not pretty.I find myself sitting in bed late at night,startled.Yesterday night i dreamt of huge orange coloured spiders crawling everywhere in this lecture hall.I was inside,and one of them grabbed me from the back.Im not afraid of spiders really,but giant ones yes.I opened my eyes and almost fell off the bed,literally.Anybody ever had that experience?And then it'll take me a while to get back to sleep.Maybe that dream will come back again.Yeah,i am a scary cat in some ways.Last time,when i am scared of going back to sleep,or cannot go to sleep,i think about the possibilities of dreaming about you,since that is the only where i can see you nowadays.Now,i dont care if i do or not.And nights after nightmares are endless.It takes forever for me to sleep,and most of all,i am unwilling to.

I have been too engulfed in forgetting you nowadays,that i actually forgot that it has been a year since i last saw you.I missed that day this year,and it is weird that i dont care.Yeah,i didnt care.Screw it,i dont want to care.Life is so different and yet all so similar before and after.I am still holding the Certificate of Forgotten in my hands right now,and i am smiling at it.

Yeah.Smiling at it.I wonder how long this will last.I wonder...

Quotes of the day:
William Wallace,"There's a difference between us. You think the people of this land exist to provide you with position. I think your position exists to provide those people with freedom. And I go to make sure that they have it."

William Wallace,"Lower your flags and march straight back to England, stopping at every home to beg forgiveness for a hundred years of theft, rape, and murder. Do this and your men shall live. Do it not, and every one of you will die today."

William Wallace,"Before we let you leave, your commander must cross that field, present himself before this army, put his head between his legs, and kiss his own arse."

English Commander,"I hope you washed your ass this morning, it's about to be kissed by a king."

Malcolm Wallace,"It's our wits that make us men."

William Wallace,"Sons of Scotland, I am William Wallace."
Soldier,"William Wallace is 7 feet tall."
William Wallace,"Yes, I've heard. He kills men by the hundreds, and if he were here he'd consume the English with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse. I am William Wallace, and I see a whole army of my countrymen here in defiance of tyranny. You have come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What will you do with that freedom? Will you fight?"
Soldier,"Against that?No!We run!And we will live."
William Wallace,"Aye, fight and you may die, run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade all of that from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take away our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!!!!!"

William Wallace,"Every man dies, not every man really lives."

LongShanks,"Bring me Wallace. Alive if possible, dead... just as good."

[To Longshanks,who was then too sick to speak.He lies in his bed while the Queen whispers to him.]
Princess Isabelle,"You see? Death comes to us all. But before it comes to you, know this: your blood dies with you. A child who is not of your line grows in my belly. Your son will not sit long on the throne. I swear it."

LongShanks,"Archers."
English Commander,"Beg your pardon sire, but won't we hit our own troops?"
LongShanks,"Yes,but we'll hit theirs as well.We have reserves.Attack."

LongShanks,"Not the archers. My scouts tell me their archers are miles away and no threat to us. Arrows cost money. Use up the Irish. Their dead cost nothing."

[William Wallace is dreaming, and sees the spirit of his dead wife]
William Wallace,"I'm dreaming."
Murron,"Yes, you are. And you must wake, William."
William Wallace,"I don't want to wake. I want to stay here with you."

Royal Magistrate,"The prisoner wishes to say a word."
[Before he's being beheaded.]
William Wallace," Freedom!!!!!!!!!"
---"BraveHeart"(1995)

Song of the Moment---Flying by Joe Hisaishi,from the "Spirited Away" Sountrack