Of the Engaged Calls from the Lonely
Lonliness,its like a disease.It strikes,when you are least aware of it.It strikes when you are at the rock bottom of life.It strikes,where it hurts the most.However,unlike diseases,it happens without much reasons behind it.Sometimes,a mere sight of a couple sitting at the side of the river,might just trigger that little lonliness button deep within.Perhaps,jealousy as well.When you see one of your friend sitting together with his or her friends,talking and laughing.You feel lonely.You ask yourself why you are not treated the same way as him or her.Late at night,alone in your room,with your thoughts bouncing off the four walls,you start to wonder why you are all alone,lonely.Though you do have friends,though you do have people to talk to.However,when you are at need,when you need someone to talk to you most,those calls to your friends are often,engaged.Then when you hang up your phone,you go down the list of friends you have in your mind,wonder who you can call next.But your list goes out,its blank and empty after the last name.You start to feel cold,you feel the night is long.Too long.You start to cry.Yes,I understand how you feel.

I read on a blog just now.A friend of mine.And think twice if you think i will give you the address,or her name.No,dont look at the links on the right.She's not there.Try harder.Anyway,Im not lonely or anything.Haha.In fact Im enjoying life now.Save for the everlasting splinter in my butt:School.When i read the entry,i was pretty surprised,or shocked to be honest.I see her around in school,always laughing,always joking,always with her friends,happy.However,in her latest entry she transformed into "DoorGirl".One who locked all the doors around her world and threw away the key.Allowing the silence and the lonliness to consume her inner soul.Its weird and in a sense,creepy to discover a totally different side of someone,sometimes.Somehow,you feel as if they are lying to you when they meet you.Putting on that mask to decieve the world about what she truly feels.But then again,i understand that feeling.Why would anybody deliberately show their sadness to the world?She mentioned about how she sees people in school,hanging around with their own group of friends,enjoying the accompany of the people in their little social circle.How she felt when she sees that they have a wall to lay on when all else takes the worst turn.How they have friends,who would listen to their woes,who would lend them a shoulder,or perhaps a pat on the shoulder.Then,turning her head aside to see who's there for her.Cold air,creeping up her back.She said this one her blog,"When you actually call upon that help,you find that the helpline is always engaged.".Its true how people would say things like,"Hey,call me if you need me." or "Everything's going to be alright,you have me here." and things like that.Then when they really do call you,you give excuses that you are busy.You say that you have your own problems.You,basically give reasons and excuses so as to get you to hang up.Empty promises,dont you just hate those.Thinking back on those early Secondary School days,when i was the sandbag of the class,its not hard to feel how she felt.To run away home to cry in my blanket,wondering why you dont have someone there to defend you,to protect you,to stand up for you.You fall back,and land hard.When you expect a helping hand to stop the fall,and it isnt there,the fall becomes particularly painful.Somehow,it becomes harder to crawl back up.For some reason,the weight of the world falls upon your chest.Your eyes start to swell,then tears start to roll.Everybody needs somebody to hold on to.Nobody can stand on a MRT train without holding on the handle or the railing for too long,can they?A jerk of the train would definitely send you flying towards the floor.You wish to have someone in mind,just one person in mind,so that when you need somebody,his or her phone number will automatically appear in your head.You dont need to think twice.Suddenly,the rest of the names on the list of friends become unimportant.Whoever said you need to be partners in a relationship in order to be in that role.Even friends can do that.Right?I guess,all you need to do,is ask.I live in Taiwan,and Earthquakes happens once in a while for me.My mother always told me to grab whichever pillow or blanket i can find and just cover my head with it,in case the roof collapses.Whichever pillow is mine,not necessarily my own.(My drool covered pillow,that is.)Who cares who's there when you feel lonely?Just grab someone,anyone,and tell him/her that you need to talk to someone.Old people,have mid life crisis.I guess we teenagers have our own crisis too.Oh well,its how we deal with it.Thats the trick.Just open your mouth next time,when you need somebody.Running home from school is not the way.Why have your tears hit the cold hard floor when it can dry up on somebody's shirt?:)Just my two cent's worth.Just a thought of mine.Cheer up.=)

Do You Know Lonely?

Have you seen lonely, do you know of him
Has he ever come in and grasped your heart
Draining from it, all the warmth it holds inside
Leaving you cold, empty, hurting and in despair

Filling you full of emotions, all acting at once
Each struggling with the other to be released
Then, one by one they begin to flow in spasms
You're so physically drained, you can not move

For days you lay, staring out a bedroom window
Not really looking, not really seeing, just gazing
Your eyelids heavy, start to slip and gently close
Loneliness unpacks and waits for you in silence

Song of the Moment---Someday Out of the Blue by Elton John