Of the Swing
Switching the lights off leaving the night light on top of my cupboard,my room was instantly transformed into a space with a moody feel.Thats what i like to do on Friday nights.Lock my door,and just enjoy my little privacy.Play a little guitar in the semi-dark room,and surf the net for relaxing times.Perhaps a little movie on my computer will help ease the stress level,which had been building up for the past week.And it is only the first week mind you.If this goes on and Fridays are removed from the calendar i might suffer from a mental breakdown in a week or two.Thankfully,there will be a five day consecutive holuday coming up.I am really looking forward to that.And so i was in my room,affected by the mood of it all,i logged into my Friendster account.Nowadays,people seem to have lost interest in Friendster.Not that i am surprised or anything.People posting compliments and nice things about you in testimonials,and finding old friends and such,might be fun for the first couple of months.Sometimes,it might even become a competition between friends,as to who gets more friends,or more testimonials.After a while all the testimonials seem like a fake.They are saying,"Hey,i wrote one for you.Write back." or "There,i wrote one for you.Happy?".The truth is,i am not sure how many people actually put in effort to type a truthful and real testimonial.Friendster has lost its attractiveness in me.However,it seems to be the only link between me and her nowadays.I would log on to my account just to see her pictures,if they changed at all.Check out her testimonials,her friends,the last time she logged in.Her profile was never filled up,and pictures seem to be those few over and over again.Friendster had become a bridge between me and her.The only place where i get a pinch of satisfaction.She ended her common tests yesterday,and her friends went out with her to Orchard.Saw her picture updated,with her friends all squeezed inside the neoprint machine.She was awkwardly squeezed to the corner since her friend was pretty big in size.I recognised her instantly.Though i dont know her name,Rs and I used to sit with her in the Aquarium and talk about school.I call her "Teddy",since she looks like one.To be frank,she's fat.In a cute way that is.And everytime i see her i will call her "Teddy".Anyway,she was in the photo as well,and took up half the space avaliable for the 4 others.I went into her photo gallery,and simply stared at her photo for the longest time i know.Studying her eyes,her hair,her smile,as if i was a adventurer,discovering a new species of monkeys.Filled with amazement and awe.A Surge of Sadness filled me once more.As the song "The Rose" played over my computer,i started to think about things.Just,things.I dont think i remember much that went through my mind then.It was muffled and blurred.I dont remember much.All i knew was,i felt this sour feeling creeping up my nose.My attention was broken by that "Ding Dong" sound when someone messages you on Msn.It was a friend of mine,whose name i will keep disclosed.She told me she was sad and needed someone to talk to.She told me about her problem,though to be honest i was expecting something much worse than what she told me but,a problem is a problem.When a friend of yours comes to you and asks for a listening ear,you better dig those wax out and listen.Especially when the problem is coming from a person of the opposite sex.I helped her search the net for information,to solve her problems.Sadly,i didnt find any.I got pretty desperate,until she told me it was alright.Oh well,so we talked and talked through the night.She told me that i am the only person that is worth talking to,and that i am a good listener.She also said that when i searched the net for her for information on her problem,she knew that i was a friend to be kept for a long long time.I was extremely pleased with that comment.That made my day,thanks.(Or something close to the mark.If you are reading,forgive me for my forgetfulness.I did not save the conversation like i said i would.Haha.)Well,that was pleasent to know.Ive always wanted to be the listener of people,or the emotional support.I guess i'll at least have one on my list now.Which got me thinking,that the one person in this world that i wish to say that to me,is treating me as a normal friend.Perhaps much less than that.All i wish,is for her to call me,or message me,and tell me that she wants to talk.Anything at all,i'll be there to talk to her.I dont mind if my phonebill flies skyhigh.If you feel better,just call me.Like i told my friend earlier.Even if you are telling your woes to a deaf and blind man,the fact that you spoke it out,it will make you feel better.(And that applies for all friends.Give me a call eh?Im pretty free anyway.)Back to the point.All i wish,is that maybe one day she'll be willing to share her problems with me,and mine with her.To give each other advices,even though we might be worlds apart in terms of personality and character.I know,it might be impossible between us.In fact,it IS impossible.I dont expect myself to be THE most important person in your life.That place is already taken by your family i presume.All i am asking,is to be your ear when you need to speak,your shoulder when you need to cry,your dustbin when you need to complain,and your friend when you want to share something funny that happened in school.I dont want to be the "other" friend,the disposable friend,the "Hi-Bye" friend.Often i try to come out from the gloom,and try to help you whenever i could.But you seem to shut yourself out from me.Perhaps only me.Help me to help you,please.I just want to be like Bob Harris from "Lost in Translation".To be there when you are bored,and both of us can run through the streets on Tokyo and do stupid things ust to keep each other company.Oh well,what my friend said earlier really made my heart skip a beat.But frankly,that wouldve sounded nicer if it was uttered from between her lips.My friends are sick of me going on and on about how much i miss her,how sad i am about her.Everytime i dive into a moodswing,half my friends wouldve half guessed that its about her.I must admit,most of the time it IS in fact,about her.They are tired to listen to that same old story,and i am sick of repeating it.Of course,it is not a pleasent story to begin with.Even i am tired of it.The paradox,is that i want to leave this behind,and yet i cant.Reluctance took me.I dont know what to do.Get over it,some says.Maybe one day.Maybe.Right now,i am on a swing.Swinging back and forth,with her standing before me.I reach other to grab her when i swing forth,and when i swing back she seems so far away.Sometimes,i lean out too far and almost fall off the swing.My life seems to be revolving around this swing of mine.Going back and forth,round and round the same topic over and over again.The swing of life,of love,of her.It is making me so dizzy,so dizzy.

Quotes of the Day:
Bob,'Can you keep a secret? I'm trying to organize a prison break. We have to first get out of this bar, then the hotel, then the city, and then the country. Are you in or you out?'
Charlotte,'Im in.'

Charlotte,'I just don't know what I'm supposed to be.'
Bob,'You'll figure that out. The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you. '

Photographer,'Are you drinking?No?
Bob,'Am i drinking?Right after i am done.'

Charlotte,'You're probably just having a mid-life crisis. Did you buy a Porsche yet?'

Bob,'For relaxing times, make it Suntory time.'

Bob,'What kind of restaurant makes you cook your own food?'

Bob,'You want more mysterious? I'll just try and think where the hells the whiskey.'

Charlotte,'Let's never come here again because it will never be as much fun.'

Bob,'I don't want to leave.'
Charlotte,'So don't. Stay here with me. We'll start a jazz band.'

Premium Fantasy Woman,'Mr Kazu sent me, premium fantasy. My stockings. Rip them.'
[Sounds like Lip them.Bob stares at her,confused.]
Premium Fantasy Woman,'Rip my stockings. Yes Please, rip them.'
Bob,'What?'
Premium Fantasy Woman,'My stockings!Rip them!'
Bob,'What?Lick them?Lip them?What?'
Premium Fantasy Woman,'Rip my stockings!'
Bob,'Rip them.You want me to rip your stockings.'
[As Bob reluctantly starts to rip her stockings,she starts rolling around on the floor, waving her legs in the air]
Premium Fantasy Woman,'Oh Mr Harris! Don't touch me! Mr Bob Harris! Just rip my stocking!'

[Bob stops the car in the middle of the road upon seeing Charlotte crossing the road.He jumps out of the car and chased after her.As spunned her around,he hugged her and smiled.He puts his mouth to her ear,and whispered to her.She cried,and he kissed her softly,and left her in the crowd.]
---'Lost in Translation'(2003)

Song of the Moment---Power of Love by Celine Dion