Of Suppose
Today's Saturday.Once again,half of it was taken up by guitar practise.Not that i hate them or anything.Most of all,i hate teaching some individuals from my section.Not that they are arrogant,or people with attitude problems.They cannot play guitar.Thats fine.They are not making an effort to learn those.Ive already complained that to a fellow guitarist online just a few moments ago.Therefore i shall spare the readers from much more ramblings and complaints.Anyway,I got home at 5+,and Dad brought us to that Japanese restaurant at East Coast.Its called,"Sento" if im not wrong.The good looking waitress is gone,sadly.She used to be there all the time,running here and there welcoming customers the moment they step into the doors.With her hair tied up and the tradition Japanese costume she looked really good.For a moment i forgot about my food.Anyway,i had this bowl of rice.However,Im not quite sure of the name of it.It had shredded egg,raw fish and fish eggs.Holy.That's awesome!I finished by bowl,and others couldnt finish theirs.Dad did,and he shared a mini-steamboat with me.Mom couldnt finish her fried prawn,so i ate that.Sister couldnt finish those fried chicken.I ate that too.In the end,i got a little of everything and was the big winner of the night.As soon i got home i turned on my computer.Nowadays,coming online at around 8pm has become a daily routine.Why is that so?Thats when she normally logs on.So i would sit there and wait for her to come online.If she comes at all.Sometimes,like tonight,the wait was unbearable.Boring.Visiting the same website i visited ten minutes ago,listening to the same songs over and over,despite having over 100 songs.Watch the same video over and over again,reading blogs and more blogs.Of course,the ComingSoon Boards helped to kill some time,but most of the time i would be doing something else,away from my computer,only to stumble back into my seat whenever i hear someone logging onto Msn."Damn!" i say when i finds out that it is actually someone else.Sometimes I'll talk to them,to kill time of course.If im lucky we can go on for hours.On nights like these,are the driest nights.Lonliest nights.With my chin on my palm,and eyes on her nickname,how i wish it might just turn green.However,its been a while since it did.Though i never tried to talk to her whatsoever,at least when she's online,i know what she's doing.Right?So what if you know,you might ask.I dont know myself either.Its probably a form of satisfaction?Haha.Obsession perhaps.However way you see it,i dont really care.Everday i come online,you are not around.And when you come,i keep silent in the corner of your list.Sometimes,i wonder why i desire your name to pop up so much.Its bloody stupid to most,and to myself sometimes.Its becoming a routine job already.I guess thats bad.I read on Valerie's blog,that nights like tonight,are nights when thoughts start to swirl and spun.Yeah,they do.(Look below.Perfect example.And thanks Krishna,for the compliment.)Its amazing how boredom can do to you,like i always say.Waiting is painful,patience is an irritating word.Patience are for monks in temples and shrines,not for me.Argh.Seeing how the clock tick by,and how the numbers change every minute,i begin to change my wallpaper from one to the next.As boredom grew,my knowledge about my computer grew as well.I finally figured out how to change the music when i turn on my computer.I waited.And waited.And waited.And its,1.37am now.You are not around.I dont suppose you would anytime soon.I dont think you might message me when you do.I dont suppose that i might do the same,too.I dont suppose waiting for you is the right thing.I dont suppose by waiting for you migt prove anything.I dont suppose you even know how much time i have spent on you.I dont suppose you care.I dont suppose that i should let you know.I suppose i should stop this now.I suppose its late,and i want to sleep.I suppose this is indeed one of those nights,when thoughts swirls.Thoughts spuns.Supposingly,you came online right now.Supposingly you messaged me.Supposingly we are having a great conversation as i speak.Supposingly,you care.Supposingly,I am not as depressed as i should be.Supposingly this is all a nightmare.My dad asked me on the car today,what would i do if I broke up with my girlfriend.As if i have one in the first place.I just kept silent.I asked him why he asked that question.He said,"Well,just curious."I looked out through the window as the streetlights zipped pass the car.As i looked out,i saw a mother carrying a child in her arms in the car beside ours.The kid was crying,and she was wiping tears off her rosy cheeks.No matter how her mother tried to tease her,she kept crying.I couldnt hear her scream,nor could i hear her sobbing.Through the windows,everything was a blurry silence.From the outside,everything was calm.On the inside,everything was in a mess.She was screaming.No one outside could hear.

Then,softly,i said,

"Well,I suppose..."

And i kept silent again.Dad never asked again.I suppose he understood what i said.I suppose i got my point across.As i got out of the car,i stared at the evening moon.I wonder if you are looking at it too.

I suppose,you are not.

Song of the Moment---Original Sin by Elton John