Of Scattered Thoughts
Ive been finding it hard to express myself lately.Not just through words,but other aspects.When asked about opinions and questions on a subject i will go blank on it.I dont know why,but thoughts that i used to have scattered and fled from my mind nowadays.Scattered and hopefully not lost whatsoever.I feel like i need a gathering of thoughts once more,about anything and everything that is happening right now.All jumbled up and twisted,manipulated and distorted they are.Like the day when i was on the Mrt train.I feel like i am squatting in the corner of a big room,with people all talking and laughing around me.It is getting hard to breath,and its getting hard to see.It is blurry,and i am finding it hard to see my fingers or anything outside a one metre radius from me.Then the sound begins to drown my thoughts and the scattered and ran.Now the voices and sound began to turn into murmurs and muffled noise.Like a woofer being turned way too loud,its pounding against the side of my head and i am covering my ears so hard they hurt.I start to scream,and scream and i grab my chest so hard.My ribs expands and my heart pounded against them,and soon after air was escaping from my lungs faster and faster.I let out another silent scream and then fell into a deep dream.All was silent,and i found myself looking at a dark room,not knowing what to do,or what to think,or how to react.Thoughts left and i am now left alone to face whatever might reveal itself from the shelter of the shadows beyond.And that scares me.Thoughts leads to dreams,to motivations,to the thing that drives you.Without them,you are nothing but an empty shell.I try so hard to regain those lost thoughts,and perhaps here in the Secret Garden of mine,maybe i can find them again in this Paradise of Lost Thoughts.Thats the reason why this blog exists in the first place,isnt it.I guess we all go through this stage in life,the stage where we are lost,blurred.We all need to gather our thoughts once in a while i guess.Sort of like spring cleaning,sweep out the dirt and welcome the new year.Its one of those "Once-in-a-while" things that we all must go through?Find the key and open the gate to the Secret Garden again,perhaps there you will find what you lost long time ago.I desire to find the lost and found so much,to get out of that room,that train.Away from the crowd to that garden of mine.Where the birds sing,mornings are ever so clear and clean,with the leaves washed by the midnight dew,the night quiet and the sound of crikets hiding in the bushes.Stars glimmer,and the moon hangs.A small waterfall in the distance flows down and hits upon the rocks.And perhaps over the rocks and under a tree,a quiet and soft spot upon dead leaves,i can quietly think,start all over again,whilst the music playing on my blog now repeats over and over again somewhere in the corner.Just some random thoughts from my mind.Yep.Dont read too much into it.I dont sound suicidal do i?Haha.No i am not,yet.

Song of the Moment---Blue by LeAnn Rimes