Of Death and being Independent
Hmm.Here's the picture.My grandfather's not in a very good shape in taiwan.Heard that he fell into a coma due to some brain tumor or something.Well,so he's in a coma right now and my father's already there taking care of him.And as for my mother,she might be leaving me to go there to take care of him as well.Therefore,me and my sister will be stuck here in Singapore,while they work their butts of trying to make my grandfather feel better.For some reason,im not feeling sad or anything,like when my grandmother died.I guess the distance has to be the only reason.Ive been away for too long,and any news of a death of a relative seems more like "Just another death" kinda thing.Its kinda weird to feel this way,since the so called "proper" way to feel is to grieve about it.Instead of being dismayed by the news,im pretty pissed and irritated that my mom has to go back to taiwan and leave us behind.Not that i object to it,its just that my mother's motive of going back is pretty stupid.She said that since nobody in my father's family died before they wont know what to do when that time really comes.Please.My father has a huge family,very rich family too.Im sure they'll figure out what to do.Even if they dont,they'll probably use their hard earned cash to employ someone for advices.I dont even think you need to be their chief advisors.And as for emotional support,fine i agree with that.But you are leaving TOMORROW?Im sure dad can hold up without your emotional support for a couple of days longer?I dont know.Im just pretty frustrated over that.Other than that,life goes on.Pretty boring to be honest.I guess this is one of those times when i get to test my limits,how i can survive without my parents,and having to live with my horrendous sister for a week or two.Honestly,im looking forward to it.Interesting to see how the house might turn out without my mother's constant watch over the cleanliness of the house.Oh well,nothing is certain right now.My mom left us once before to look after my grandmother,who was dying from cancer at that time.That was a totally different scenario since dad was still around to take care of us.This time both of them will be away.Just me,and my sister.Great.And the other time,my mom was pretty sure that grandma was gonna die.Cancer and all,cant be cured.Oh well,we'll just wait and see.Of course i hope everything turns out fine.However,to be honest,if things takes the wrong turn and the worst happens,i probably wont feel a thing.Argh.Sometimes i hate myself for feeling the way i feel,and that is,to not feel anything.He's your grandfather,at least feel something?I dont know.My memories of my grandfather,this old man who cant hear properly,always sitting too close to the television with volumes up too loud.Always giving me fruits and money.(Yes he stashed a lot under his pillow.)Oh,and always speaking to me in his dialect that i dont necessarily understand.Thats about all i remember about my grandfather.I see him once or twice every year.And everytime,we seldom talk.Just a nod in the head or a wave.Cant be helped,since i live overseas and stuff.Anyway,my friend said its normal to feel nothing,especially when i am away most of the time.Oh well,i guess i should continue to live this way.In the mean time,i should brace myself for the transformation.Into Mr Independent.Haha.I'll be able to blash my hi fi system when nobody's at home.Heaven.Of course,my grandfather will be in my prayers.;)

Quotes of the Day:
Alonzo Harris,'I'm the reason they build prisons.'

Alonzo Harris,'To be truly effective, a good narcotics agent must know and love narcotics. In fact, a good narcotics agent should have narcotics in his blood. '
Jake Hoyt,'Are you gonna smoke that?'
Alonzo Harris,'No,you are.'

Roger,'Here's a joke, boy. One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to shit, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the fuck's your problem?'
Jake Hoyt,'That's messed up. That wasn't funny. '
Alonzo Harris,'Then why are you cackling like a jackal?'
Jake Hoyt,'I dont know.'
Roger,'Figure that joke out and you'll figure the streets out.'

Alonzo Harris,'You hear that, homey? You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home? Huh?'

Alonzo Harris,'You get the wolf to protect the sheep. And it takes a wolf to get a wolf.'

Alonzo Harris,'Take that dick and stick it up that funky little ass of yours, bitch. Damn, I'm thirsty.You want a beer?'
---'Training Day'(2001)

Song of the Moment---I Will Remember You by Sarah Mclachlan