Of Death and being Independent
Hmm.Here's the picture.My grandfather's not in a very good shape in taiwan.Heard that he fell into a coma due to some brain tumor or something.Well,so he's in a coma right now and my father's already there taking care of him.And as for my mother,she might be leaving me to go there to take care of him as well.Therefore,me and my sister will be stuck here in Singapore,while they work their butts of trying to make my grandfather feel better.For some reason,im not feeling sad or anything,like when my grandmother died.I guess the distance has to be the only reason.Ive been away for too long,and any news of a death of a relative seems more like "Just another death" kinda thing.Its kinda weird to feel this way,since the so called "proper" way to feel is to grieve about it.Instead of being dismayed by the news,im pretty pissed and irritated that my mom has to go back to taiwan and leave us behind.Not that i object to it,its just that my mother's motive of going back is pretty stupid.She said that since nobody in my father's family died before they wont know what to do when that time really comes.Please.My father has a huge family,very rich family too.Im sure they'll figure out what to do.Even if they dont,they'll probably use their hard earned cash to employ someone for advices.I dont even think you need to be their chief advisors.And as for emotional support,fine i agree with that.But you are leaving TOMORROW?Im sure dad can hold up without your emotional support for a couple of days longer?I dont know.Im just pretty frustrated over that.Other than that,life goes on.Pretty boring to be honest.I guess this is one of those times when i get to test my limits,how i can survive without my parents,and having to live with my horrendous sister for a week or two.Honestly,im looking forward to it.Interesting to see how the house might turn out without my mother's constant watch over the cleanliness of the house.Oh well,nothing is certain right now.My mom left us once before to look after my grandmother,who was dying from cancer at that time.That was a totally different scenario since dad was still around to take care of us.This time both of them will be away.Just me,and my sister.Great.And the other time,my mom was pretty sure that grandma was gonna die.Cancer and all,cant be cured.Oh well,we'll just wait and see.Of course i hope everything turns out fine.However,to be honest,if things takes the wrong turn and the worst happens,i probably wont feel a thing.Argh.Sometimes i hate myself for feeling the way i feel,and that is,to not feel anything.He's your grandfather,at least feel something?I dont know.My memories of my grandfather,this old man who cant hear properly,always sitting too close to the television with volumes up too loud.Always giving me fruits and money.(Yes he stashed a lot under his pillow.)Oh,and always speaking to me in his dialect that i dont necessarily understand.Thats about all i remember about my grandfather.I see him once or twice every year.And everytime,we seldom talk.Just a nod in the head or a wave.Cant be helped,since i live overseas and stuff.Anyway,my friend said its normal to feel nothing,especially when i am away most of the time.Oh well,i guess i should continue to live this way.In the mean time,i should brace myself for the transformation.Into Mr Independent.Haha.I'll be able to blash my hi fi system when nobody's at home.Heaven.Of course,my grandfather will be in my prayers.;)

Quotes of the Day:
Alonzo Harris,'I'm the reason they build prisons.'

Alonzo Harris,'To be truly effective, a good narcotics agent must know and love narcotics. In fact, a good narcotics agent should have narcotics in his blood. '
Jake Hoyt,'Are you gonna smoke that?'
Alonzo Harris,'No,you are.'

Roger,'Here's a joke, boy. One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to shit, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the fuck's your problem?'
Jake Hoyt,'That's messed up. That wasn't funny. '
Alonzo Harris,'Then why are you cackling like a jackal?'
Jake Hoyt,'I dont know.'
Roger,'Figure that joke out and you'll figure the streets out.'

Alonzo Harris,'You hear that, homey? You wanna go to jail or you wanna go home? Huh?'

Alonzo Harris,'You get the wolf to protect the sheep. And it takes a wolf to get a wolf.'

Alonzo Harris,'Take that dick and stick it up that funky little ass of yours, bitch. Damn, I'm thirsty.You want a beer?'
---'Training Day'(2001)

Song of the Moment---I Will Remember You by Sarah Mclachlan

Of Sketching You and the Teary Eyes
I was in the mood of doing something i love just now.Went to her Friendster's account for no apparent reasons and checked out her photos which ive seen over a million time.Im still pissed over what happened yesterday,or rather just now.But im trying not to think about it,since what is done is done.Like Hanwei said,"That judges are tweaked."(If thats the spelling.)Well,he said that they were biased towards chinese traditional performances since they are chinese teachers.My mom said that they got to have a multi racial winner,and since there's only one Malay performing and no indians are performing,she gotta win.Sorta like Miss Universe.The organising country has to have its representative winning something.Oh well,how am i feeling?Im not sad.Im pissed.Or i was pissed.Now im just thinking about how unfair things are.So many other people deserved that top prize and im sure that they deserved better.Oh well.To do something you love,to compete in something you have a passion in.The last thing you want to happen is to fail in that.And i failed,because i tapped my feet,i made a joke.(Yes,thats true.)Everything is now back to reality.And now,i have passion to nothing,interest in nothing else now.I love the feeling of anticipating for a competition,especially one which i am interested and good in.But to lose,is like a rock falling into your path,then tell you that the road is out,please take another route round.If you think that road is too far,quit.Sigh.Anyway,i was moody just now,so i figured if i do something i like i might just feel and inch or two better.So i took out my sketchbook and pencil.I tapped the tip of the pencil on the smooth blank surface of the paper,wondering what i should draw.Looking around the room,nothing seemed to interest me much until i laid my eyes on the monitor screen.She updated her friendster picture and it has her younger sister as well as her mother's picture up there.Her sis looks extremely cute with that wide grin on her face and her long her which resembled her sister's.Her mother looked typical,and she looked tired somehow.Trying to force a smile at the camera.She mustve been through a lot,and that can be seen from her eyes.Though old,tired,but still bright.Rs was carrying her sister in her arms,and oh my god.That picture was so touching i couldnt stop looking at her.She felt so homely,just like the way i imagined her to be.Perhaps my first impression havent been wrong after all.So i pushed out the lead from the pencil and started sketching her face,her hair.I drew her mother and her sister without breaking a sweat.For some reason,drawing people that i dont know seems much easier.Or should i say,people that you dont have feelings towards?Anyway,so i drew everyong and left Rs's face.I drew,and erased.Drew,and erased.Drew once more,and erased again.One more time maybe,i erased again.I kept erasing that the tip of the eraser was now black,and my pencil lead had to be changed twice.The paper was rubbed and worn out,that its on the verge of breaking.I coulndt draw her face,no matter how hard i tried.It was so hard.When it comes to sketching,whenever i put my heart to something,it will never work.I tried imaging her face and drawing it down with my memory,until i realised that i dont remember her face anymore.I dont remember how her hair used to rest comfortably on her shoulder,how magical her voice was to my ears.How deep and mysterious her eyes was,and how bright that smile was.I couldnt recall nor remember.I stared into memory of blankness,and opened another window of her picture and zoomed in.I still couldnt figure out how to draw.Everything else's done except for her face,and its left empty.It felt empty,like an unfinished work.Why is your face so difficult to draw?They say the hardest thing to draw is what you havent seen before.I havent seen a real angel i suppose.I looked at your picture through my monitor,and started having teary eyes.I wonder how long since i last saw you.3 more months and it will make a year.A year.What an awful word to start off with.The painful feeling of time came back,and for a moment,i realised that i was grabbing my chest while my forehead rested on the computer table.I was staring at the ground into nothingness.Looking at her mother,i wonder if she knows that she gave birth to someone that changed another person's life.I wonder if her sister realises how lucky she is to have such a wonderful sister,who laughs and jokes with you and takes care of you even when you pull her hair and hit her.I wonder if anybody on the streets that walks pass you realise that they just met the greatest woman alive.I wonder if they realised that.When you serve food to them at Sakae Sushi,do they realise that they are served by the most beautiful and astounding girl?And that she's so kind and unique that she defines the face of heaven?Im glad that i saw that.But now,im forgetting it.I forgot how the face of heaven looks like,sounded like,felt like.Only through a bloody monitor is where i will regain my memory and perhaps catch a glimpse of a moment back in time when all i need to do is to walk to your classroom to see you.I have 7 pictures of you,and thats all i got.I dont have much of you with me.In fact,some of the most precious things i have from you are fading with time.Memories of you.They are fading,disappearing,diminishing.Soon,gone.And these damn pictures are the only things that can remind me about you.They helped me through this grueling year,told me not to miss you so much,told me how close you are to me yet so far away.Taught me to be strong,and that you are always watching over me like my guardian angel.I sworn to be your guardian angel remember?But have i done that for you?I regret so much that i didnt.I hate myself for the plain fact that i couldnt be there when you needed someone.I made empty promises and the one person i dont want to lie to is the one person i forgot to keep my promise.All i want is to have someone to hold me and tell me that everything's gonna be all right.Now that i need you most,you are nothing more than a picture smiling back at me and a blank face on my sketching book.I teared tonight.And i couldnt help it.Getting a little emotional today.I was so tempted to tell you about me getting into the finals.I so wanted to tell you everything about me.I want to run to your house now and knock on your door.I want to tell you everything.I want to share my happiness and your woes.But have i really done that.I am only sharing that with the cold smooth monitor screen.I cant feel you through the screen,perhaps a little warmth left.Perhaps ive been using too long.So i wiped off my tears,and closed my sketch book.Placed some rock music into the cd player and started playing it.Screw it if my neighbour thinks its disturbing.I dont give a flying crap.When will i be able to draw your face?When will i ever sketch you like the way you are?When will i remember again?Perhaps another year,two more years.Perhaps 10,or forever.But i will wait.No matter how long that would be,i will wait till the day you smile at me again,wave at me again,talk to me again.If that day never comes,i will continue to feel your presence through the computer screen,that blank smile,that cold face.Alone in my room,with the lamp on.Lights closed and the house quiet.Your picture on my monitor,and the guy in front of it,thinking of you.Thats what i will do when i feel lonely again.When i need you around.When i need to open my box of memories,i will do that.........

Song of the Moment---Dont Know Why by Norah Jones

Of being Back at One
Hmm.Talentime's over.I lost.Yay.Hmm.Me and Rachel practised and practised and practised even more.Every breaks,every free periods to do this.Thank you for your time Rachel.Greatly appreciated.Oh well.So this morning was as usual.After we were released from school me and Rachel stayed back to rehearse for the talentime.Since we were there early the student lounge was pretty empty,and since the piano was taken up and Rachel was tired,she took a short nap on the couch while i practised the song.We practised a little while more and went down to the canteen to grab some food.Met KenYee there,and we ate together on the same table.Even then,i was practising.Rachel and i went to my place to choose our costumes.She brought this white tube with this red sleeveless top.And i chose this white Bums T-shirt and this black pants.Argh.They didnt match,but what the hell.Rachel locked herself in the toilet to dress up while JiaYing and Bernice came over to my house.Bernice said Rachel was renovating my toilet,which was why she stayed inside the toilet for so long.Argh.I was in a damn hurry when Krishna dropped by,and was shocked by the number of girls in my room.Oh well Krishna.haha.i gave him Samuel's Pe Shirt and my school pants and with a blink of the eyes,he transformed into a nyjcian.Haha.Interesting.My sister was transformed 4 years younger after she wore my guitar T-shirt.Haha.Thanks sis,for being there.So Rachel,Bernice,JiaYing,my sister,Krishna and I headed for school after everyone changed.Rachel had so much makeup,she wiped them off with her barehands.She's a little insane.Haha.We reached school and practised even more.5 O'clock approaches and i am getting really nervous.Sitting on the seats while seeing the LT fill up with people is not a very fun thing to experience.Especially when you are the 4th to perform later on.Argh.I revised the lyrics over and over again,and tried the chords on my guitar over and over again.MeiJian came,and she was unprepared.Due to pressure,she cried in front of all the contestants and that kinda shocked me.I leaped down and squatted in front of her and asked Sam what was wrong.Well,she wanted to back out from the competition since she was unprepared.So i held her legs,(Yeah,legs.)and told her,"This competition will have so much lesser sparks if you are not around.Dont quit.When you believe,somehow you will.You will when you believe.Isnt that part of the song that you are gonna sing later?"and i handed her a pack of tissue courtesy of Krishna."Tissue to the rescue~" i said as i wiped off her tears.She gave a short chuckle and started crying again.Well,she was the last to perform,so she had about one hour to prepare.So i urged her to go practise while we did our thing.Competition started.The first group was the rock band.They had a guitarist,2 people on the keyboards,one drummer and a guy on violin.Weird combination i must say.Great music they played,however,the vocalist was pretty horrible.And i am not the only one who said that.Well,she got the crowd pretty high though.Since it's a japanese song i think her singing could be excused.Its not easy to sing them anyway?However,the drummer and the violin guy were exceptionally well i must say.The guitar sorta fell short compared to them.Second up was this group of people performing some pop song.I didnt get to watch them since i rushed to backstage to prepare for my performance coming up after the next.i waited anxiously as their song finished.Loud cheers.Gulp.Samantha,Jessie,Valerie and Corinna went out onto the stage next.After their dedication Samantha started her "Thousand Miles" intro.Im pretty damn sure that that recieved a couple of gasps from the crowd,since it's not exactly easy to play that piece.However,there seemed to be some problem with Sam's microphone and i couldnt hear her sing.Im not sure why,but while i was backstage i couldnt hear any of their singings.It was distant and muffled.I stood there with Rachel and we exchanged words of encouragement.MeiJian came,as well as Jessen to give us some support.Also,that nyjc girl whom im not exactly sure of her name.I shook her hand anyway.Who's that female MC again?She was sitting on this table waiting for their song when i went to ask her about the microphones.I said,"Hey,do you wear contacts?"She said,"No..."."Oh,you have really nice eyes.And im not trying to flirt.".Rachel agreed.It was a deep shade of brown and it was piercing.Anyway,so Samantha and gang finished their song and came off the stage.I told them that they did a good job,though i didnt really hear them.However,Valerie was pretty pissed and said that they screwed up at a lot of parts.I didnt hear,so...Anyway,Alex went onto the stage and introduced us.I went up and scanned the audience.Yikes.Everyone was there.Ok.Take a deep breath.And i did.Sat myself down and tapped the microphone,and said,"Oh,its working.Ok,Im gonna make this short and sweet.We are going to sing Desperado by the Eagles,and I'll like to dedicate this song to the class of 03a4a and everyone in this LT,since its such a nice song.Also,I'll like to dedicate this song to this guy from the arts stream,because this song describes him perfectly.".Roaring laughter.Great,that worked.So i started that gig before the actual song,with Rachel purposely screwing up and playing the school song instead.Well,that didnt work very well but,hell i made fun of her by saying that Rachel had a headache and wasnt thinking straight.Anyway,we started and i managed to hit the right note on the right pitch.Great.Here goes.I screwed up the intro,but hell the piano was loud enough to cover that up.I sang the song without much difficulty and mistakes,other than the one i made in front.I was desperately trying to hear my own voice so as to adjust the volume of my singing.However,i couldnt hear my own singing at all,which means that i didnt know if i sang well or not.Argh.That sucks.Hell,i just went on and on till the end."You better let somebody love you.Before its too...............Late......"I played the outro,then ended the performance with a G.The audience paused for awhile,and started cheering like mad.Haha.That felt great indeed.I was about to walk off the stage when Rachel said,"William Hung,William Hung!".Oh god,i forgot.I went back to the mic and said,"Oh by the way,just in case we dont win this competition.We have tried our best,and we have no regrets.And we had no professional trainings.Thank you."THe audience exploded with laughter.Me and Rachel stood at the centre of the stage and gave a deep bow to the audience.Wow.That felt great.I went to the backstage and collapsed onto the floor,feeling relieved.Argh.Over.My palm was still sweaty and shaky and i didnt know if i did well or not.So i went around asking people if i did well.And recieved a lot of good comments.Before i went off the backstage,i took MeiJian's hands and said,"Good luck,dont screw up.Dont win."(Of course,i was joking.)Which got me really pumped up about the prize.I was seriously expecting myself to win,at least a second or a third?Oh well,we'll see.The performance after me was this guy who played Zhang Xue You's Xin Ru Dao Ge.I thought he was horrible.Rachel thought he was horrible.Valerie thought it was horrible and my sister couldnt stop laughing to it.He couldnt hit the notes for one,two he was boring.Entertainment?Where?After he was Madiana,which i sorta missed because i went to the toilet to change with Krishna.I came back right after the performance ended.I dont know if it was great or anything,but my friend said she was "Ok.".next up were the Uptown guys.They sang the uptown girls.The backup singings improved a lot from the rehearsal when i heard them.However,the lead singer was still the same as before.Argh.However,they were definitely entertaining,with those dance moves and stuff.After that was that nyjc girl i told you guys about.She's fine,just normal.I guess her sweet voice receved a ton of applaudes from the guys.Haha.Not surprising.After that was Jessen's performance.He performed this piano piece.And apparently he screwed up the first note and screwed up the whole of the first part,which i did not notice.Unless you know the song or else you will probably be lost amongst the notes.They forgot to put microphone in the piano,and we couldnt here his piano well.That sucked.And when he wanted to say something to the crowd,the mic was not on.Sucks man.Jessen's the man!WanJun apparently really liked his music and messaged me to congratulate him for her.Well,i showed him the message and he was pleased.Haha.I think he fell in love with WanJun la.Haha.Since it was his last day in Singapore.Argh.Leaving without winning,that stinks.Oh well,i think the next was that WaYang/Chinese opera girl.She came out and started singing her WaYang thing.It was expected,for my part.So i wasnt shocked or anything.But the audience were obviously stunned.Oh well,she's a good singer nonetheless,but just not our kinda of music.Entertainment?Those two wooden things in her hands?I dont think so.After she ended,(Finally.)MeiJian came up.I shouted her name from the back of the LT.Haha.She looked hot in her skirt by the way.Haha.Anyway,the bloody AVA peeps screwed up the intro to the song and she had to start over.And she sorta missed the beat when the song begun.She didnt sing it really well really.I must admit,she was a whole lot better when i first saw her.Bloody hell,she was amazing.Well,she finished her song and went off.All right,so while the judges discussed about the results the choir people and the first group performed some songs to entertain the crowd.The first group performed the rock version of the school song,and seeked approval from the principal.And she agreed of course.However,i dont think they entertained the crowd as much as the choir people did.They danced some Abba song,couldnt remember its name.But it was awfully corny and funny that i actually found myself enjoying the music.So here it is,the moment of truth.The chinese teacher went up on stage to announce the winners.Third was that guy who sang Xin Ru Dao Ge.Shocker.I was expecting him to be last.Good lord.Whats happening.Second,Madiana.Fine,she's my friend.I never heard her performance,no comments.And first,Miss Wayang.WHAT?i was staring at the teacher in disbelief.I couldnt believe my ears.Initially,i was rooting for Sam MeiJian and us to get into top 3.Even if some of us dont,at least one should.None of us did.Great.I lost to these people.What the hell is the bloody problem?I was sitting in my chair feeling the anger building up within my chest.Rachel was dismayed,but she told me that it's alright.Jessen,who was sitting behind me told me that its all right as well.I was still incredibly pissed.So much effort placed in and i lost to Miss Wayang.I admit,she's a good singer.However,i thought there was something called the "Entertainment Category"?Did she have any form of entertainment?Oh please.Singing?Did that guy who got third had any form of singing?No.Argh.If i lost to Sam or MeiJian or both i wouldve felt happy for them.In fact,i think the rest deserved more.At least the entertainment factor was high.Argh.Argh Argh!I know people reading this might think that i am a sore loser.Oh well,my anger comes fast and it leaves sooner.Soon,i was thinking about what went wrong and didnt really blame them much.Nvm.I lost to them.Big deal.I had my 15 minutes of fame.Fame and glory.Argh.It'll take some time for me to get over this totally.But nevermind.I shall think about it from now.Its all happening?Maybe not.I am now back at one again.Talentime took up so much of my life and i forgot my original life.Now i must face it again.Yay.I am back at one,step one that is.And it sucks.Oh well,i gtg.Go jump down or something.Haha.Oh yes!Get drunk.Vodka?Anyone?Hangover,puke.Baby i love it.

Of Intimidation
Intimidation.Hmm.Where should i start describing this feeling?To feel that someone is looking down on you,through words or actions?Perhaps both.Sometimes,they are taken as jokes,especially between friends.You hear thos comments and they do something to you,and thats that.Its over.However,if a teacher does intimidating things to you,it feels bad,and you get frustrated.You feel like pulling her hair out one by one.After all,we as students,has our rights and dignity.And we represent our own dignity and they are not for you to step on.Yes,you are the teacher of the class,you have the power to command.Do this,do that.Dont do this,dont do that.However,im sure intimidating your students is part of your quota.Why am i saying that?Well,our teacher who's name i will keep disclosed made me feel like i am her dog.During CT,we had this merged meeting session with A1 class.They are nice people,with an extremely nice teacher to add on to that.So we were in the GP room,all excited to get started about our "Love Talk".I grouped with WenLai,Meiling,Weiyi and some girls from A1.I think their names are Sabrina Katheleen and Diana?Not sure at all.Anyway,so there i was talking to WenLai,since everything's still in a mess.Miss * came over as Mr Teo started talking.I was still talking to WenLai,however,she kneeled on me like i am some cushion and asked me to keep quiet.You couldve left the first part out.The previous CT period,i forgot to pass up the mini inter class competition about school history and goals.Fine.My fault.I am the irresponsible CT Rep.I dont want to ask JiaYing to do it,since she's already busy enough with her tennis.And if i think i am capable of doing it,i prefer to do things on my own.Yes,i forgot to pass it up.Short circuit within my mind.Sorry.I apologised.What did you do?You stepped on me.Literally.She was walking down the small stage in the GP room and she stepped on my right thighs.It wasnt painful or anything,but i felt so intimidated by her i also sliced her toes off.She continued as if nothing happened and i just laughed it off.However,deep inside i was on the verge of grabbing the nearest sharp object that i can find and cut her throat and watch the blood gush out of her opened wound,slowing bleeding to death on the ground.But nevermind,my anger comes fast,leaves faster.Until today when she did it again.I got really pissed at her.To my surprise,i am not the only one who dislikes her.Valerie has some disagreements with her,Sam's pretty pissed with her due to the extra workload placed on her and the rest of the debating team.JiaYing had something going on between her and Miss * that she wouldnt mention.Fine.Even if i am the only person with hatred,i dont care.We want our own CT back.He cared nothing about us and left,but at least we felt welcomed and cared by.Not intimidation.Not like you.Next time when you see me,look into my eyes.What do you see?What do you see?Very soon,everyone will be looking at you like i do.And soon enough,you will find no hole to hide your pathetic soul.Because when that day comes,nobody will be facing you but your own pathetic reflection in the mirror.Look at yourself.Intimidating the students.

Story of the Day

Of Tree,Leaf and Wind.(2 of 3)

On a lighter note,this is the story of leaf,the girl Tree is after.Check it out.

Leaf

During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so long it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy. Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. The sourness in the heart can't be describe by using a lemon. It's like 100 rotten sour lemon. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 mths. When they broke up, I hide my strong sense of happiness. But after a mth, he got together with another gal.
I like him & I know he like me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he love me why he doesn't want to make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. Time after time, my heart was hurt. I begin to suspect that this is a one sided love. If he don't like he, why does he treat me so well. It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me a gal to ask him right?
Despite that, I still want to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, love him. Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me. It's like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms. I know that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me. Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through & I really want to give up. Sometimes, I wonder should I continue waiting. The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompany me for 3 years.
Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me. Everyday he pursuit me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leave far away & better land. Finally I left tree, but the tree only smile & didn't ask me to stay. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.

Of the Essay
Hmm.A couple of weeks ago our chinese tutor asked us to write an essay on,anything you like.And due to the fact that we were told a day or two before the Valentine's Day,i decided to write on that day of course.Hmm.Of all the significant events that i could remember during any of the Valentine's Day ive had,last year's was probably the only one that i could remember.Argh.Bad part of my very own history,but then again,it's a nice tale to tell.So yesterday,she gave us back the essays and,god i got 40/70.Not a great result but hey,that's one of the highest already.So a couple of us were asked to present our essays to the class.Meiling's,Hanwei's,Angeline's and mine were chosen.Argh.I didnt want to present at first,since the essay was kinda personal,and that having to tell the class about my sad tragic history of love,not a good idea.Some of my classmates already knew that story,which have been repeated over and over a couple of times to them already.Samantha knows about it,Valerie knows as well,Rachel too i think.Anyway,so Meiling went up first to present her essay,then Hanwei went up,and it was my turn soon after.I was kinda reluctant at first,but started the essay anyway.So there i was,reviewing my own history to the class,true or false?Nobody in the audience knew,save the ones i mentioned earlier.So i gave a detailed account of whatever that happened,with a few summarisations here and there.Didnt know i could write so well.I guess it's because ive given thoughts to it when i was really depressed and down back then,which made things a lot easier when working on this piece of work.Its a nice thing to let the class know more about,whatever happened to you before they met you,but for some reason i was uncomfortable with that yesterday.I felt as if i was revealing too much about myself.Oh well,they wont know that everything i wrote was real anyway.Haha.Unless they drop by to read my blog,which is unlikely.Anyway,so i read the last line and quickly went back to my seat.Wait.Actually i came out to present in my seat,since the chairs had rollers in that room.Stupid Wenlai was tugging my arm,asking me if what i wrote was real.I just dismissed her questions and asked if what she wrote about herself was true.About her jumping off the table acting like superman when she was young.(Actually that turned out to be true.Haha.)WanJun told me that she almost cried when she listened to my essay.Haha.What an extraordinary compliment.Hey thanks.Which inspired me to head towards the writing business in the future.You never know,my simplicity might just earn me millions.Haha.Unlikely.But hell,those taiwanese pop stars without much brains to start with,are publishing their own books,why cant i?When i was reading the essay,i was picturing those scenes in my mind silently.A pinch of sour crept up my nose when i read it to be honest.But i sniffed them back.Oh well,its unavoidable to bring back bad memories eh?Yesterday i skipped PE,once more,to practise with Rachel on the song we are singing for Talentime.I wonder if we will win,i hope so.I asked my whole class to come,and support both my team and Samantha's team.Argh.Stage fright,everybody gets it,even the most professional.Argh.Like Rachel said,she's scared that i might screw up after seeing the audience in LT4.Yeah,im afraid of that as well.I have the tendency to sing at a lower quality then usual during performances,and to forget chords.Argh.Which explains why i am practising day and night nowadays.Make it flow,make it flow.All right,better get going.More practises tomorrow in school with Rachel afterschool.Oh yes,after we packed up for home yesterday at the Student Lounge,the president of the student councel came over.I think her name is Jayne?If i spelled that right.Anyway,she asked if we were practising for the talentime."Yeah..." i answered as i zipped up my guitar bag."Please win ok?I think you guys are really good.You have a very solid voice."I was thinking under my breath,wow am i dreaming?Haha.Well,hopefully things will turn out like she says.This is the first time im feeling confident about something,about winning.Havent had much confidence for years.When was the last time i went,"I will pass this test!" or "I will win this!"?I seriously dont remember.I guess,the victory of this competition might not be the final prize at all,but its all about glory,fame and confidence.I want to find myself again.Come back to me.

Quotes of the Day:
Reuben,'You guys are pro's, the best. I'm sure you can make it out of the casino, of course, lest we forget, once you're out the front door, you're still in the middle of the fucking desert!'

[Last minute tips for Linus]
Rusty,'You look down, they know you're lying and up, they know you don't know the truth. Don't use seven words when four will do. Don't shift your weight, look always at your mark but don't stare, be specific but not memorable, be funny but don't make him laugh. He's got to like you then forget you the moment you've left his side. And for God's sake, whatever you do, don't, under any circumstances...'
Livingston,'Rus?'
Rusty,'Yeah?'
Livingston,' Come look at this?'
Rusty,'Sure.'[Leaves.]

[On the phone]
Terry,'Who is this?'
Rusty,'The man who is robbing you.'

Rusty,'You scared?'
Linus,'You suicidal?'
Rusty,'Only in the morning.'

Reuben,'Second most successful robbery. The Flamingo in '71. This guy actually tasted fresh oxygen before they grabbed him. Of course, he was breathing out of a hose for the next three weeks. God damn hippy.'

Tess,'You are a thief and a liar.'
Danny,'I only lied about being a thief, and I don't do that anymore.'
Tess,'Steal?'
Danny,'Lie.'

Saul,'I have a question, say we get into the cage, and through the security doors there and down the elevator we can't move, and passed the guards with the guns, and into the vault we can't open...'
Rusty,' Without being seen by the cameras '
Danny,'Oh Yeah, sorry, I forgot to mention that.'
Saul,'...Yeah well say we do all that... uh... were just supposed to walk out of there with $150,000,000 in cash on us, without getting stopped?'
Danny,'...Yeah.'
Saul,'Oh,ok.'

Danny,'Does he make you laugh?'
Tess,'He doesn't make me cry.'
---'Ocean's Eleven'(2001)

Story of the Day

Of Tree,Leaf and Wind.(1 of 3)

The story follows the account of 3 teenagers called Tree,Leaf and Wind.(It sounds stupid but its meaningful.)Today will be the story of Tree,an absolute playboy who's in love with Leaf,only thing is that he's too stupid to tell her.Part 1 of 3 stories,enjoy.

Tree

The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Overtime I start to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolors painting. I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre-U. There's one gal who I love a lot but never dare go after her. She doesn't have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, doesn't have outstanding charm. She is just a very ordinary gal.
I like her. I really like her. Like her innocent, like her frankness. Like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good match for me. I'm also afraid that after we are together all the good feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid other's gossips will hurt her. I felt that if she's my gal, she will be mine ultimately & I don't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompany me for 3 years. She watch me chase after gals, and I have make her heart cry for 3 years.
She wants to be a good actress and I'm a very demanding director. When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smile & say "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes was swollen like a walnut. I purposely didn't want to think about what causes her to cry but laugh at her the whole day. When everybody go back home, she was alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I returned from soccer training to get something. I watch her cry for an hour or so.
My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she's not the type that will start off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes was filled shocked. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laugh & joke with me like nothing has ever happened. I know that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ache is as bad as hers.
When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she has something to tell me too. I told her about my break up and she told me about her getting together. I know whose the guy. He has been going after her for quite a while. A very cute guy full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her has been the talk of the school.
I can't show her my heart ache but could only smile & congratulate her. When I reach home, the heart ache is so strong that I can't stand it. It's like a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn't breath. Wanted to shout but can't. Tears rolled down & I broke down & cry. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge her presence too.
During graduation, I read a sms in my hp. It was send 10 days ago when I broke down and cry. I haven't read it since then. It says "Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"

Of the Road to Perdition
Well,here i am,at the end of yet another wonderful weekend at home.No i didnt go out.I prefer staying at home,where i can do what i like and not go out and potentially get killed.Oh well,you might think that i havent got a life.Well,this is the life i chose,the life i lead.I like it this way,and this is my life.Why shall i care if nobody thinks its interesting.Like i said,to be able to gain satisfaction through lonliness,is the true happiness one can gain.Or should i say,solitude?Anyway,so i stayed at home the afternoon to catch up on my maths.Surprising enough,i finished my Trapezium rule tutorial.Something which i havent done in months,even years.When was the last time i finished a tutorial on my own?The satisfaction was tremendous,and i celebrated over a good meal during dinnertime.Didnt practise much for the talentime today.I guess,even doing something you love needs a break,dont you think?So i placed my "Beautiful Life" soundtrack into the computer and played it over my hi fi system.There,i spent my afternoon with the soft sound of piano and violin running through my mind and down the hall.Its on the "Repeat" mode,so it will play over and over again.As a result,my room transformed into a mini concert hall today,which i pretty much enjoyed.I got my hands on The Lord of the Rings Motion Picture Trilogy Exhibition tickets today.All thanks to my sister who went down to Junction8 to get it.Ah,what the hell,as i patiently waited for Friday's competition to come,and the opening day of the exhibition,i decided to sit myself down in front of the television and watch some good movies.Checked the local tv programs on the papers and Road to Perdition is showing tonight on Star Movies.Yay.I loved that movie.Watched it with my mom a year or two back.Before i go into that,a little background story to that movie.Michael Sullivan is hitman,or a professional killer if you like to call it.He works for this man named John Rooney,and he is a very wealthy man.He's the boss,of a vast network of gangsters during the Great Depression.He was a nice man,and he took care of Michael Sullivan as well as his family.When Michael lost everything,he gave him and his family everything,and he was thankful.Therefore,he worked for John Rooney as a hitman.Michael's son,Michael Sullivan,Jr,knows nothing about his father occupation,and was curious.So one day he hid himself under the back seat of his father's car as Michael and John Rooney's son,Conner Rooney,went out on a "job".Michael witnessed his father's killing of a man and was shocked by what he saw.Conner,fearing that Michael Sullivan Jr will tell others about their occupation,decided to kill his father as well as his whole family.Michael saw his plan and took his son away to Chicago.The story basically revolves around how this father,always into his job and cared too little for his family,bonded with his son along the journey as they made their way to Chicago.Along the way,they must escape from Maguire,another hitman hired to kill Michael.It is indeed very touching to see how Michael and his son bonded along the way.How they managed to live under the shadow of their family's death.Michael's struggle to prevent his son to become someone like himself,as well as John Rooney's own struggle to tolerate his son's foolishness.Decieve,betrayal,loyalty,all vividly shown before our eyes through this movie.Great movie.You guys might want to check it out yourself.All right,back to studying.There is a Geography test tomorrow,and i dont want to fail it.Haha.Ta.

Quotes of the Day:
Michael Sullivan,'He murdered Annie and Peter!'
John Rooney,'There are only murderers in this room! Michael! Open your eyes! This is the life we chose, the life we lead. And there is only one guarantee: none of us will see heaven.'
Michael Sullivan,' Michael could.'
John Rooney,'Then do everything that you can to see that that happens.'

Maguire,'To be paid to do what you love... ain't that the dream?'

John Rooney,'Natural law. Sons are put on this earth to trouble their fathers.'

John Rooney,'A man of honor always pays his debts... and keeps his word.'

John Rooney,'May you get to Heaven an hour before the Devil knows you're dead.'

Mr McDougal,' You really trust me not to say anything? '
Michael Sullivan,'Always trust a bank manager.'

[Sullivan has a gun to Kelly's head]
Jack Kelly,'Think, Mike. Don't be stupid. I'm just the messenger.'
Michael Sullivan,'[lowers his gun] Then give Mr. Rooney a message for me.'
Jack Kelly,'What is it?'
[Sullivan shoots him]

Michael Sullivan, Jr.,'I saw then that my father's only fear was that his son would follow the same road. And that was the last time I ever held a gun. People always thought I grew up on a farm. And I guess, in a way, I did. But I lived a lifetime before that, in those 6 weeks on the road in the winter of 1931. When people ask me if Michael Sullivan was a good man, or if there was just no good in him at all, I always give the same answer. I just tell them... he was my father. '
---'Road to Perdition'(2002)

Song of the Moment---Hole in the World by The Eagles

Of 21 Grams
Every human being loses 21 grams at the exact moment of death.Despite your age,your height,your weight,everybody loses 21 grams.21grams,the weight of a chocolate bar,a stack of five nickels,a hummingbird.21 grams,could that be the weight of a human soul?Could that be the ultimate proof of the existence of spirits and human souls,which in turn proves the existence of a superior being?21 grams,the amount of weight we carry in life,amount of stress we burden ourselves with,the weight of life itself.If life has a weight,then it is only fair to say that everything about life has a weight too.The components of life:Friendship,courage,fear,love,etc.How much do each of them weigh?They all add up to 21 grams,but are they really that light statistically?No one will know the answer to that question.It depends on the person who is asked to weigh life.To someone who just lost a friend,friendship weighs a tonne in that person's life.To someone who just lost a loved one,love itself seems to weigh down on him so much that he couldnt eat,couldnt sleep,even move.To some,life is good.It weighs nothing at all.Nothing is important.So what does this "weight" represent?To me,it represents the importance of something in our lifes.The heavier it is,the more importance it has.When my friend left for Australia,i realised the amount of weight that friendship had on me.It felt heavy and unbearable.When i lost her in my life,the amount of weight placed on me was so great that i wanted to die.The weight of life,the numbers of importance.Interesting how a mere number can spun out so much thoughts within me.Ive never tried to weigh the importance of people,to measure the importance of the existence of someone.I guess i just never took heed of them,or appreciate people's presence or existence.Perhaps ive taken people for granted in a way.True enough,friends come along like they are granted,but the existence of fate cannot be denied sometimes.No matter how much you deny its existence,its always there to control you.What is fate?Fate is only what you make it out to be.People use "Fate" to represent what you did in your life,and what it is to come.It is an excuse when you fail in life.We tend to blame things on "Fate".When we succeed,we seldom relate it to "Fate" at all,claiming the sucess as your own.The truth is,"Fate" does not exist,a so called good "Fate" is how you control the things that you yourself do,and control it well.Fate makes up life,and life makes up 21 grams.These things are all inter-related and are undeniable no matter how you see it.Since life has a definite weight,that means the importance of something cannot increase without the other decreasing.Which means that if we increases the importance of something,we must forego something else.Opportunity cost,economics.Lets not go there,shall we?Which is absolutely true.When a person falls madly in love with someone,his/her friend diminishes in importance to a certain degree whether you like it or not.When there is a fear of failing an exam,the weight of entertainment decreases as well.When that fear goes,when that weight decreases,the weight of all else increases inversely.How beautifully synchronized?The wonders of mother nature,of god.A person's life can be simply summed up within that mere 21 grams.How interesting.Perhaps,one day humans would be able to calculate the actual weight of every aspect of life.Perhaps that day would never come.Some people weighs more than others in my life.I must admit,not every person are taken heed of.Not everyone will gain my respect or attention when they walk past me.Well,i guess they weigh much lesser than others.Perhaps,i chose not to look at the scale?Its interesting how someone can weigh more than you see when he/she walks pass you on the streets.A total stranger might weigh more than you know in reality.Ultimately,it all comes down to how you rationalize your life,that 21 grams.How you divide that 21 grams.Greed is a powerful thing.You want more of everything?Impossible.God wont let you.You get 21 grams in life,thats it.You want more money,you want more love,you want more friends,sacrifise everything else.You only get 21 grams.Want more?Die.So how much do you weigh in my life?Or you?Or even you?I dont know myself.21 grams,such a small number statistically.Like i said before,a chocolate bar,a stack of five nickels,the weight of a hummingbird.But in life,everything's so heavy.I guess that number only applies in reality,on someone who lives on the moon.21 grams there might weigh a tonne on some other planets due to the difference in gravity pull.Oh well,those different aspects of life all comes down to that 21 grams.Think about it.So small a number,so great a burden.The lightest thing in numbers is the heaviest in life.Ironic,isn't it.

Quotes of the Day:
The Caller,'If you have to ask, you're not ready to know yet.'

The Caller,'Isn't it funny - you hear a phone ringing and it could be anybody. A ringing phone has to be answered... doesn't it?'

Stu,'I have never done anything for anybody who couldn't do something for me. I string along an eager kid with promises I'll pay him money. I only keep him around because he looks up to me. Adam, if you're watching, don't be a publicist. You're too good for it. I lie in person and on the phone. I lie to my friends. I lie to newspapers and magazines who, who sell my lies to more and more people. I am just a part of a big cycle of lies, I should be fuckin' president. I wear all this Italian shit because underneath I still feel like the Bronx. I think I need these clothes and this watch. My Two thousand dollar watch is a fake and so am I. I've neglected the things I should have valued most. I valued this shit. I take off my wedding ring to call Pam. Kelly, that's Pam. Don't blame her. I never told her I was married. And if I did she, she would have told me to go home. Kelly, looking at you now, I'm ashamed of myself. Allright? I mean, work so hard on this image, on Stu Shepherd, the asshole who refers to himself in the third person that I only proved I should be alone. I have just been dressing up as something I'm not for so long, I'm so afraid no one will like what's underneath. But here I am, just flesh and blood and weakness, and uh and I love you so fucking much. And, um, I take off this ring because it only reminds me of how I've failed you, and I don't, don't want to give you up. I want to make things better, but it may not be my choice anymore. You deserve better. '

[The Caller cocks his gun]
The Caller,'Now doesn't that just torque your jaws? I love that. You know like in the movies just as the good guy is about to kill the bad guy, he cocks his gun. Now why didn't he have it cocked? Because that sound is scary. It's cool, isn't it? '

The Caller,'Wait till it goes national. ABC, CBS, CNN, UPC, you're gona have the whole alphabet.'

Stu,'Where? Where are you?'
The Caller,'Closer than you think.'

Stu,'That's it. This call is ended.'
The Caller,'Not until I say it is.'
Stu,'What happens if I hang up?'
The Caller,'You don't really want to find out.'
---'Phone Booth'(2002)

Song of the Moment---Bu Zhi De by Dreamz Fm

Of Demoralization
Hmm.A good performance,a bad performance?I dont know,people have been giving comments on my performance yesterday on either side of the scale.Some thought it sucked and was terrible while others thought it was great.Hmm.I wonder if anybody's lying,or just plain picky.I personally thought that i wouldve done better,but i was really nervous yesterday,since it was my very first performance in front of a live audience in my life,its inevitable to become nervous.A friend of mine scolded the other for not persuading me to back out from the performance,which made a fool out of myself.Argh.Shut up.I did not volunteer to do this performance in the first place.Secondly,if you can do a better job,please show me.Oh well,what can i say.I didnt need to know those comments,but on the other hand,they are pretty important to me as well.Ironic isnt it?The only important comments are the ones you dont want to hear.What an ironic world.I admit that i did not sing as well as i couldve yesterday.Perhaps if i sang like how i did during the audition i wouldve recieved less of those idiotic comments.I didnt think it was that terrible,but perhaps they were right,more or less.Argh.Afterall,it was my first performance,and i tried hard,and my best.I guess.My nerves gotten into me yesterday.I bet even the greatest singer in the world started off like me.How can you please the whole crowd at the same time?To have a music which suits the taste of everyone and sing up to the standard of everyone?Besides,if im really that bad,what the heck am i doing in the talentime finals?A bad day perhaps?Of all days,great.Hmm.I normally take criticism pretty well,but today's one really gotten into me as i walked home from school.Well,i guess a criticism from a stranger sinks a little deeper than the ones given by friends,since they are normally taken as advices.Sigh.Demoralize?A little bit.However,i want to prove them wrong.I want to prove them wrong so bad.Dont ever judge me with one freaking performance because,i still have one coming up,and i swear i will blow you away.Please God,give me the power to prove them all wrong.Sigh.This stinks.Its a Friday and i am actually troubled over something like that.Its not supposed to happen.I have to get back to school later on for the rehearsal.Argh.This stinks.My bandmate couldnt make it because she wants to spend time with her boyfriend.Somehow,i feel like i am doing this for myself.She kept refering the song as,"His song" and showed no interest in this competition.I feel as if she is doing this for my sake,and that she's just there to help.I really dont want her to feel that way,since i feel that we should win this together.Argh.I hate it when someone is pretending to be interested.Perhaps she's just living within her own world,like she normally do.Oh well,i will prove them wrong by doing my best later.I cant possibly be perfect all the time can i?If you want to make a comment,please tell me and not tell your friends.Sigh.Nvm,i guess i'll be able to get over this in no time.Back to practises.I have to perform later because she cant make it.Great.How often will this kind of opportunity come along?Nvm,problem faced,solve it,leave it.I shall do it on my own now.Vocals,vocals,vocals!

Of the Trembling Fingers and the Honest Comments
As we close in on the end of the "Music Week" for me,i buckled up for today's lunchtime performance at the library.We were pretty late and we were rushing to and fro from room 4-31 and the library,busily setting up the equipments as well as the guitars.The number of people started to build up and my friends showed up as well.I was pretty pleased by the fact that they attended the concert and gave me their supports,thanks guys.Anyway,so by 1230,we were already seated on our assigned seats,ready to begin,which was probably when i forgot my lines for the song as i review it in my mind.As me and Ahmad desperately tries to recall the lyrics Russell walked up to the middle of the semi-circle and welcomed the audience to the concert.He got back,and we started playing our first piece.It was more or less rushed at the beginning,but i guess we were just not used to playing in front of such a big group of people,friends teachers and all.So we sorta rushed through the whole song,however,managed to end the song without much problem.Then came the solo performance by Yilin.She walked slowly to the centre of the semi-circle and sat down in front of the crowd.With a short pause,she started playing her song.It was a little soft to be honest,despite the dead silent library.I could tell that she was nervous,though i couldnt see her face.She struggled here and there but managed to pull through finally.Recieved a thunderous round of applause and it was my turn to go up and perform.Michelle told her classmate to come because i sing really well,and that seriously got my fingers trembling when i prepared the chairs for our duet.I sat down and took a deep breath while i waited for Ahmad to get ready."Hi everyone,i am weilien and this is Ahmad.And we will be playing Now and Forever by Richard Marx.".For some reason,that recieved a few gasps from th audience.I guess thats one of their all time favourites or something,which weighted down on me like a tonne of rocks.I took another deep breath,and gave ahmad the count."1,2,3.".And we started the song.I still couldnt recall the line,but i sang it anyway,turned out to be pretty good.Scanned the audience quickly,and caught a glimpse of Sam,Nisah and Meiling sitting on my left.Dudley and his class was sitting right in front.Mrs Lee and the GP teacher were sitting at the back,with my class beside them,and Terence and Samuel sitting by the windows on my right.The song went on fine and i managed to hit the high notes without breaking my voice,thankfully.Then came the solo part where i screwed up a little.Ahmad screwed up as well but however,we managed to cover it up soon after.When i make a mistake,my fingers will start to tremble and my mind will go blank.With no control over my mind i had to rely my gut feelings to play."Now and forever,i will be your man.".And with that,me and Ahmad plucked the last part of the song and we ended with a slow strum.Silence.Then came screaming and more applause.I was pleased,and i could tell Ahmad was too.I put my hands together and bowed to the audience and walked back to my seat.I turned around to ask how the performance was,and recieved pretty good comments from both Michelle and XinYu.Haha.Thanks girls.We pulled through all the way till the end of the concert,though Dini and Debbie messed up the saxphone parts but our thunderous guitar sounds managed to cover up the mistakes.There were tonnes of mistakes made,however,who can be blamed?We've never performed in front of a live crowd before,at least not me.So,Russell walked out once more and acknowledges the audience the end of the concert.Another round of applause and the audience began to leave.I jumped back to the clear up the mess and saw Terence.He said that i have a fan club,which i utterly denied.Russell accidentally broke Liping's guitar.Ouch.It was already cracked really seriously initially,and Russell dropped it and caused it to crack.The neck broke off and the strings bursted.The top of the neck separated from the rest of the neck and hung losely on the rest of the strings.I thought Russell smashed his own guitar,until he started apologising to Liping then i realised that it was hers.Ouch.She kept saying that it's ok,but she couldnt hold her tears and started crying.Im not sure if the guitar had any sendimental value to her whatsoever,but i wouldve broke Russell's manhood if he broke my guitar.Oh well,im sure it was not on purpose.Hopefully they can work things out.Carried the guitars back to the guitar room and everyone finally breathed a sigh of relief,that the whole thing ended.I myself celebrated over a packet of M&Ms from XinYu.Thanks!When i got back to class i asked them for some opinion.Some thought it was really good while Rachel in particular said the performance was OKAY.Which was what i thought anyway,since i have been singing for the past few days and i was really nervous.However,i didnt want to admit that i didnt perform as good as i couldve been.For some reason i perform chinese songs better than english songs.Hmm.Weird.Oh well,the crowd liked it,and Rachel for one has high expectations for me,in fact on everyone.I guess a true friend is the awfully honest ones.Haha.I have big humongous titanic and enormous ego.And opinions are often seen as insults sometimes.Sometimes.Anyway,so she said it was all right and,i didnt want to agree but what can i say?The perform was over,and finally i can concentrate on my Talentimes.After school today,me and Rachel stayed back in school to do a little practise on our song for the finals.We chose "Desperado" by Eagles,since we both agreed that its a great song,and she claims that it fits my voice better than Collin Raye's "Love Me".Oh well,so we went to the student lounge and started playing.There were a few people chatting there,while some others were studying.Michelle Wong was sleeping on the couch with her friend,and yeah,it wasnt a very pleasent sightConsidering the fact that she had one leg on her friend's thighs.But what the hell,i dont really care.I bet she cares nothing about anyone's opinions anyway.I already had a slight sore throat by then,and i couldnt hit some of the higher notes with the first tries.Oh well,i will probably lose my voice completely by the end of next week.Argh.For glory and honor!JiaYing thought my voice was airy,while Rachel wanted me to sing with "The Flow".Whatever that is.Haha.I will try my best for tomorrow's rehearsal,and hopefully we can pull through fine.All right,i need some good sleep now.NighTz!!ZzZz.

Song of the Moment---Open Arms by Clay Aiken(Not the original version but,i prefer this one.)

Of being in the Top 13
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!Im in the finals!Oh my god!!!This came as such a surprise!!Haha!!Sorry,im overjoyed now!!Its all happening!!Its all happening!!Glory and fame!!I dont freaking care if i win or not!!I just want to perform on that stage!!Haha!!Im so happy!!!Hahahahaa!!Yay!!HAHAHAHAA!!Sorry sorry,ok calm down.You have a story to tell here...

I was surfing the net just now when i recieved this call on my handphone.Picked it up and it was a voice i havent heard before.I was still trying to recall where i heard that voice when she told me that she was from choir."You guys are in the finals.".I was like,"Really?AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"I was so eager to put down the phone and tell Rachel about it that i kept saying goodbye to her on the phone.And she had to stop be several times.Haha.Sorry,i was just too excited.So i put down the phone and called Rachel.She was on her way home from ballet class and she was on a overhead bridge when i called her.She picked up and i said,"Ok Rachel,stop whatever you are doing,listen.We got into the finals."She was quiet for awhile,then started laughing and screaming,and the people around her thought she was mad.Haha,and we were screaming at each other on the phone.Actually she did most of the screamings.Haha,it feels so bloody good!!Rehearsal on Friday,and the finals will be on next friday.I will be there!Must practise hard now!!Lets do this!!Hahahahahaha!!Yay!!So excited!!40+ groups joined and only 13 groups were chosen,i am so happy tat i am in the top 13.Haha,bloody excited right now.Sorry.i will try for the top i promise!!Friday outside LT3.Sure thing.I will be there.I wonder if Ahmad got in.I wonder if Samantha got in.Haha.I got in people!Yes!!Thanks for your supports!!Thanks!!!

Special thanks to:Rachel,WanJun,the choir members,the judges,Ahmad and Russell,Krishna and Sock Khim.Thanks for the supports.And my class!I hope i win.I really do.Wish me more luck!!

Of being Good and being Good Enough
When it comes to competitions,its about being good.Its about how you are different from the rest,how you present yourself and how you sing the song or play your part.Well,when it comes to singing competitions,its not about being good,its about being good enough.There are too many "good" singers out there nowadays,and its difficult to look for someone really outstanding.Well,today was my audition day for my Talentime thing.I was not nervous at all,despite the fact that only 12 groups out of 40+ groups will be chosen and that some people even rented studios to practise.Yikes.Just imagine the chances of getting into the top 12.However,i was not nervous,at all.So after school i skipped PE,and Rachel and WanJun got to my house to practise.Before i go into details,i shall tell you how frustrated i was yesterday.I was taking my daily naps in the afternoon and i woke up at around 6pm to find a message in my handphone.It was from Xiang Ting,one of the girls from choir.She said that no microphones will be provided,(Great.)no piano,(Greater.)only keyboards.(Best.)I was too tired to get pissed at that time,so i just stared at the message and gave a soft chuckle under my breath and shook my head.Forwarded the message to WanJun and Rachel and WanJun in particular,didnt want to play in the competition anymore,saying that keyboards stinks and that it defeats the whole point of performing.(Agreed.)However,me and Rachel decided to go ahead with the plan."Give it a try,for the fun of it." i said to WanJun.Oh well,and so we did.Back to the topic,so they came to my house to practise on my keyboard.Its funny how something so old finally came into handy.Haha,and it took me awhile to get it out of the old cupboard.The old binoculars even dropped onto my head.Ouch.Anyway,so i go it out and we started the practise in my room.Argh,WanJun kept making mistakes and that caused me to be really nervous about the performance later.I mean,with the scores there she's supposed to be able to play it.Also,she had the whole weekend to practise,i wonder what she was doing.However,i kept telling myself to calm down,and face the problem.So,me and Rachel kept helping her with the chords,and tried figuring out ways to make life easier for her.Even when she left at 440pm,we havent played the song from beginning to the end yet.Thats bad isnt it.Rachel stayed back for awhile to practise,and we actually sounded pretty good together.Anyway,i took my guitar and rushed to school for the audition.As i was rushing for time,i hecked the guitar casing and went to school with the guitar in my hand,which drew a lot of attention especially from the security guards.Me and Rachel immediately went to the 3rd floor to practise and met up with WanJun.She was too nervous and made a couple of mistakes here and there.Though im fine with mistakes,but she repeated the part where she made the mistakes,and that kinda sucks because i have to slow down my singing to suit her playing,and that sounded awful.Despite Miss Nirmala and Mrs Neo's encouragements when they saw us,i was still damn bloody nervous.Not because of the performance but the fact that we have less than 30 mins and WanJun still couldnt play the song smoothly.Special thanks to YongAn who became our temporary audience for a while.We went upstairs to the audition room and met up with Samantha and her gang.Argh.I was still very pissed over the fact that we dont have piano.Great.We started practising outside at the corridors,where most of the groups gathered for practising.There were some tremendously good ones,like Rachel's Sngs junior,who sang like angels playing harps upon the clouds.I think i sound pretty good with her.Haha.(Hey call me.LoL!!)There were some really bad ones,like that j1 group which practised outside the room,as well as the group at the corner.I was fainting when i heard them.Russell and Ahmad joined as well.However,they were hopping around all over the place without any form of fear.I guess they are just used to stuff like that.Thankfully,Russell and Ahmad had the skills but hadnt the voice.HA!So i finally won you at something concerning music!Anyway,so we waited and our turn soon approached.WanJun was hestitating about performing,especially about the fact that scores are not allowed in the competition.(Which is bloody dumb because those choir smart butts never told us about it.)She couldnt play without the scores,and she wanted to back out.Rachel wanted to pursuade her to stay,since weve been practising and all the practising wouldve been wasted.I just kept quite because i didnt want to make any comments which might potentially hurt her feelings.So i kept silent when Rachel asked if i think WanJun should back out.In the end,we agreed and she left for home.Now its left to me and Rachel,and the role of the pianist was left to her while i became the guitarist.Luckily,we were very flexible and after some practising,Rachel memorised the score and i,being a Jay Chou fan,knew the chords long ago.So when our names were called,we went in immediately and i dragged the chair to me and i sat down while Rachel prepared her keyboards.I took a deep breath,and Rachel introduced the song.I gave the cue for her to start and she started the intro to AnJing.As she played the intro i was saying a soft prayer under my breath and my hand was sweating.As the intro came towards the end in took another deep breath,and started singing.It was nerve whrecking at first.Ive never sang in front of people before,at least not for competitions.First time today,and oh god,it was scary.Ahmad peeked through the door and gave me a thumbs up,and that was encouraging.So i kept singing the song on and on.Throughout the time my eyes were fixed on my guitar and the floor,perhaps on the chairs once in awhile but not on the judges.That was bad.But hell,i did not screw up,so thats good.After the verse was repeated for the second time,i got pretty comfortable with things,and started putting in more emotions,since the last part of the song has to be raised by one key,from G to A.And i started thinking about Rs,since that song sorta fits her in a way,and i used her picture as practise,so as to put in more emotions.And during the transition,i slowed down to a soft strum on my guitar,then accompanied by Rachel's keyboards i started the chorus for the last time.And it sounded pretty awesome i must admit.I just sang my lungs out and didnt care how loud i was.Finally,the song ended and the judges clapped.I placed my sweaty palms together and bowed.Before i went off i told the judges,"By the way,just in case i dont get through to the competition,i just want to say that i've done my best,and i have no regrets.We had no professional training.".At first,the judges didnt get why i said that,but Rachel added on to what i said and said,"That was from American Idol,William Hung."The judges got it,and started laughing like crazy.Point to notes,they are adult judges,not student from choir.Pushed through the door and was relieved.Gave Rachel a high five and Samantha's group were ready to sing their song.Rachel went down for her badminton training,leaving me to watch their performance.It was great actually,particularly on the piano for A Thousand Miles and the vocals for At the Beginning.However,both the piano and vocals were pretty weak for respective songs.Oh well,which was why Sam placed the two songs together anyway.They have a good chance in my opinion,i just hope that i am good enough to be in the competition.Being in the top 12 will mean so much to me.Two things i love in my life,movies and music.And whatever things that has got to do with those two,i will be very excited about it.Argh.Music is my dream,and if i dont get into the competition i will be seriously frustrated and sad.I was telling Sam about it as i waited with her at the fountain for her dad.It's a pretty nice place to chat actually,especially when the fountain is turned off and the whole school is quiet.With the guitar i started practising for my performance on Thursday.Thank god it recieved pretty good comments from Sam.Hopefully it will turn out great?Fingers crossed.All right,ive lost my voice,and i dont think i will be able to talk much in school tomorrow.However,thanks to my blog,i can talk as much as i want.HA.The magic of keyboards,isnt it?All right,wish me luck for the audition results and,bye for now.Tired,exhausted.I need to stop talking from now.

Quotes of the Day:
Truman Burbank,'Good morning! And in case I don't see you: good afternoon, good evening and good night!'

Network Executive,'For God's sake, Chris! The whole world is watching. We can't let him die in front of a live audience!'
Christof,' He was born in front of a live audience.'

Truman Burbank,'Somebody help me, I'm being spontaneous!'

[Truman attempts to leave his town and a convoy of cars pulls in front of him to block his exit.]
Truman Burbank,'Blocked at every turn. Beautifully synchronized, don't you agree?'
Meryl,' You're blaming me for the traffic?'
Truman Burbank,'Should I?'
Meryl,' Truman, let's go home.'
Truman Burbank,'You're right. We could be stuck here for hours. It could be like this all the way to Atlantic City. Let's go back. I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me.'
Meryl,'Truman, can you slow down?'
Truman Burbank,'Yes, I can.'
Meryl,'Truman. Truman, that's our turnoff.'
Truman Burbank,'I changed my mind. What's New Orleans like this time of year? Mardi Gras, woooooo! Ha ha ha ha ha! Hoo hoo hoo! Whoooohoo! Look, Meryl! Same road, no cars. It's magic! Hahaha!'
Meryl,'You let me out, Truman. You're not right in the head. You want to destroy yourself you do it on your own.'
Truman Burbank,' I think I'd like a little company.'

Christof,'We accept the reality of the world with which we are presented.'
---'The Truman Show'(1998)

Song of the Moment---Hit That by The Offsprings

Of Time
To realize
The value of a sister:
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth
to a premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus, or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.

To realize
The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal
in the Olympics.
Time waits For no one. Treasure every moment you have. You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend:

Lose one.

Song of the Day:
Fallen by Sarah Mclachlan



Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...[2X]

Photos taken down due to technical problems.They are still avaliable at the picture gallery.:)

Update!

Check out the new Picture Gallery with 60 photographs.With most of them newly added.Enjoy!

Of being Online at 2pm on Valentine's Day
Sweet.I am online right now at 2pm.Great.This morning i woke up earlier than usual to get my butt to Serangoon Mrt to meet up with Bernice and Jiaying to head to Sentosa for this stupid cross country thing.I was horribly far away and the fact that we have to get there by 8am was a thought fill with dread that lingered for quite some time already.Oh well,i got there early and both Bernice and JiaYing was late,but who cares?I am not eager to go there so quickly anyway.We reached there a short while later and met up with the rest of the class.Got more chocolates so thats a cool thing to start off the day with.Got this really neat present from WenLai Nisah and Meiling.The chocolates came in a handphone bag.Haha.That was really neat,thanks!Hanwei brought his chocolates as well,and so did Samantha.As i busily digged space in my bag for those chocolates we made our way to the interchange with the class.The first time we went somewhere outside of school as a class,that felt pretty good indeed.Along the way we took a lot of pictures with Hanwei's digital camera,which was pretty fun because as you know,i am someone who will always be facinated by cameras.So i sorta became the cameraman of the day.So we squeezed onto the shuttle bus and it took us onto Sentosa.The morning sky was clear and it was extremely windy.The carpark was strangely empty and for a moment,we were questioning ourselves if we were at the right place.Oh well,we got to the venue and it was already filling up with Oranges.(The j1s to be exact.)The run started soon after and being a lazy bum,i was reluctant to run at first.Until Samuel overtook me,then i started running like mad alongside him.It was a boring run to be honest,well save the scenary was pretty awesome.There was this stretch of road along the northern coast and the guys had to follow that route up towards the western end of the island.The sea breeze was blowing against my face and i stopped running and started my walkathon.ZhuangYi and Hanwei were far behind me,since they didnt want to run at all.I strolled along the beach myself,and deep inside,dreaming about how nice it wouldve been to be walking with Rs,instead of being along there,sweaty and dirty.Up the slopes and down the hills,i walked alone,until i met my friend from a1.He had a cram in his leg and this first aid guy was helping him with it,so i stopped to help him out.Oh well,we walked the rest of the way back.Though we ran a little,but the pain in his leg was unbearable.Soon after i was down with cram as well.Argh.Met Corinna and Valerie on the way back and ran with them to the end.Argh.What a beautiful Saturday morning utterly wasted.Took out my handphone and saw this message from Rs,and that got me pretty high and excited for the rest of the day,despite the weariness.After the stupid prize presentation we went out to search for places to take photos at,to represent the 5 themes of total defence.What another romantic way to spend the season of love?So the class,except WeiYi and Angeline,(Who disappeared soon after the run.Alongside Sam and Val.)We had a lot of fun,even took pictures with this indian lady for Social defence.It was really fun messing around with the class and making fun at almost anything.We had to pose with stupid actions in front of the Merlion,climb through bushes and hug tree trunks and act as if we are sniping.But oh well,at least the class is doing something together,so i was pretty willing to do anything.I will pose the pictures we took soon in the new picture gallery!So you guys might want to check it out.Especially the pornstar look ZhuangYi had on his face when he took the picture on top of the gigantic mushroom.Classic.We took even more candid photos and class photos,and well,good day good day.Until i asked the class about their plans for today."Going out with friends." was the common answer i got from most.Some will be going out with their bf/gf,good for them.And as for me?What the hell do you think?I am now at home surfing net.Well,looking at the scorching sun outside,and my tired body,i think i should be thankful that i actually made it home alive without collapsing along the way.Seems like Rs got her own plans today.With whom?No idea.With her friends i guess?Or probably some guy who managed to whoo her with some ridiculously unique present and an invitation she cannot resist.Whatever it is,just have fun all right?Sigh,and i am here,thinking about how good it wouldve been if i have my own plans as well,regardless of whether i am going out with a girl or my friends.Not sure if Krishna is going out,but from the last i heard,he wasnt going very well with dating.Ahh,what the hell.I want to sleep my head off today and fall into a coma.Like i said,i feel like getting drunk now.Vodka,anyone?All right,i shall enjoy this moment of solitude,and squeeze out the greatest amount of happiness from lonliness.And as for everyone else reading,Happy Valentine's Day.

Special Valentine's Day Message to Rs:(Courtesy of LiPing.)
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For the 18 Valentine's Days you have experienced,i give you 17 roses.The last,is you. =) Happy Valentine's Day especially to you.

Sigh,my hopes?Just remember that a year ago,some guy went all the way to love you.Just dont forget what that guy did for you ok?

Oh and special thanks to LiPing's friend,who gave me that small little heart shaped...thing at the bus stop.I dont know you,at all,but your kindness is appreciated.=) Thanks.

Song of the Moment---Drops of Jupiter by Train

Of Getting a Hangover and the Enemies
No,i did not drink.No,i did not get a hangover,though i'll like to fall into one tomorrow,or rather today.How fast has time past,after that faithful day at the rainy bus stop.Haha.Its been exactly a year after the rejection,and i still lay deep within the wound it caused.Fine,maybe not deep inside anymore,but oh well,its just amazing how one can think about someone everyday for 365 days in a row.Exactly a year ago i was crying in the rain at the lobby,and a year from then i am now laughing at my own stupidity and no longer feeling the sense of despair of that particular incident.Ah,time's my friend,healed my broken soul.And as for tomorrow,friends are going out on dates,with friends or boyfriends/girlfriends.And as for me,i am going to go home,bath,and sleep my day away.Why?Because i aint got a date.Not that i failed to ask anyone,it just that i never bothered to ask anybody.I just got bored i guess?Today in school the girls in class brought their chocolates and the stuff they made to school to distribute to the class.That was nice,and i bought some chocolates as well.Special thanks to JiaYing for her wonderful wrapping skills and her perfect choice of wrapping paper.Thanks to Rachel,WanJun and LiuYin for their home made jello.It was awfully sweet for my taste but,i swallowed them anyway.Thank you Shariffah for your chocolates,as well as Bernice's chocolates.WeiYi and Angeline's brownies as well,you guys can withdraw from school and start selling brownies for a living,they are marvelous.Though more work needs to be put in for the cookies.Haha.Thank you WanWei for your chocolates and letter,and for signing up for Talent Time for me.Sorry for troubling you eh?Anyway,Valentine's Day,what a special special day,and what will i be doing?Sleep.Romantic huh?Argh,who cares?Besides,i have 5 performances to prepare for myself next week.The lunchtime concert at the library,gotta play 3 songs with the club,as well as the duet with Ahmad.Then the Jay Chou song for the Talent Time audition.Argh,what a busy week ahead.But then again,i will be busy for the things i love to do,worth all the effort?Thats what im talking about,as long as you are tired and worn out for the things you love,its all worth it and no complains.However,if we lose i will be pretty disappointed.Though to a certain degree,i do agree with Corinna,saying that joining it is all for the fun of it al;.However,i really want to win SOMETHING before i leave this damn college.This irritating and boring place.I hate the fact that they never had any activities for Valentine's Day while Srjc had song dedications,selling of roses and gifts and a whole lot more.In fact,they had a mini carnival in the school and us?We went through the timetable as usual.How romantic.Argh.I really want to get drunk,to fall into a deep sleep and wake up after Valentine's Day.Aww,that would be awesome.Forget the fact that i dont have her around for Valentine's Day.Perhaps,things might turn out like the chinese composition i wrote today."Maybe,this year i will obtain happiness out of loneliness."Doesnt make sense?It makes sense to me,good enough.I think my class is really talented,with musicians and artists everywhere.Samantha plays drums,the piano and guitars.Rachel too,knows how to play those,and besides that,she is also a very good dancer.WanJun can play the piano and she is good with designing things.Me?I am good at drawing and designing,guitars and singing.(Self proclaimed)WeiYi and Angeline are the perfect example of good housewives.Those brownies!Oh my god!They are god sent.Anyway,my class is probably the most musically inclined class,and i guess we should start a MEP program on our school.(Mrs Ho,what say you?)Well,6 person will be joining the Talent time this year.Wanwei and her councel friends will be joining,to sing some SHE song.(Good luck with addition of sarcasm.)Valerie and Samantha will sing A Thousand Miles with Corinna and her friend,and Rachel,WanJun and I will be playing the piano and guitar for Jay Chou's AnJing.It was more of a last minute decision.We wanted to sing something a little more complicated and,striking.However,we never expected the auditions to come so soon,so well,improvise.And we came up with the song we played before last year.And Rachel claimed that she almost cried when we played that song together,thats got to count for something eh?Right,we are officially enemies now,me and the rest who joined the competition.We will blow you out of the water!Just you wait.All right,bloody cross country tomorrow.I shall go sleep now,goodnight.

Song of the Moment---Why Can't I by Liz Phair

Of the Band
Argh.Talent time's coming and i totally forgot about it.And i thought that everyone forgot about it.By everyone,i am refering to those who wanted to participate in the rockfest last year from my class.Anyway,this year i wanted to give up,since none of them seems to be interested.However,it was Samantha who reminded me about it and now,i am joining the competition.I will be signing up for the audition tomorrow and well,alongside Rachel and WanJun.If anything happens we can back out ehz?Im not sure if Samantha's joining anyway,since she wants to perform Vannessa Carlton's song with Corrina and gang.Weird.Anyway,next week i will be performing during the lunchtime guitar concert in the library with Ahmad.Performing "Now and Forever" by Richard Marx and i am doing the singing.High notes to be specific.Ive never performed in front of a live audience before.At least not as many as the number of people who will be there.Done that a few times in front of my classes and friends but,im not if i am mentally prepared for this.Hopefully,everything will work out yea?Been practising that song everyday,since i dont want to be the rat's shit in the bowl of rice.I better be on my tip top condition on that day.My only selling point is singing,and i guess i should work on that.And as for the name of my band,well do you call this a band at all?Hmm,well if it is ve already given thoughts to it a long time ago.I shall call it,Pheonix's Feathers.Its just one of those names actually,which doesnt mean anything.Haha.Im not sure if the rest of the band will accept that but,its a unique name and i am pretty sure no other band in this world is called the same.All thanks to Jonathan Leong who came up with the idea with me.Heh.I am now pondering over what songs we should play for the Talent Time.Hmm,nice piano/guitar songs,anyone?Going through my mp3 files and,well Desperado might be cool.I really want to play "Love will Keep us Alive" since its a challenging song to sing,and a beautiful song as well.Hopefully it will melt the judges' hearts.I wonder if they will have judges like Simon.*Gulp*Yesterday night,i dreamt that i went for this audition at American Idol,Oriental Version.And our whole class participated.Zhuangyi was left behind in Singapore because he didnt make it onto the plane.Rachel didnt make it too.Everyone else made it onto the plane and we flew off to America.Well,i was really scared during the audition by the mere sight of Simon and started trembling nonstop.(This is a dream.)And i kept practising and practising with myself until my turn came closer and closer.Samantha made it through the audition.Bernice made it.However,the rest didnt.Dudley recieved this evil comment from Simon which i did not remember.I remember i was laughing my head off at it anyway.(Sorry Dud=p) Then my turn came,and i stepped forward towards the Judges."What you going to sing today?"Paula Abdul said."Now and Forever by Richard Marx."i replied."Begin."Simon said as he signalled for me to start.Just as i was about to open my mouth,a familiar voice rang through my head,it was Daniel Ong's voice from my radio clock.And i woke up on my bed,dreamy.Damn!My chance!Argh!If this happened on a Saturday i wouldve continued dreaming and i wouldve known whether i did well enough.Oh well,no use getting upset over a damn dream anyway?The real thing is next week,and the auditions i have to attend.My dream is coming true now.Taking the steps towards my dream.I am trying,and i will make it.This is probably one of those when i finally gained enough confidence to do something like that,and hopefully god,you wont fail me.Perhaps you took love away from me to give me this talent,to sing.And thank you for that.=).Like Penny Lane said in "Almost "Famous","Its all happening,its all happening.".My dreams are coming true.Watch out!Here i come.Haha.

Quotes of the Day:
John Milton,'A woman's shoulders are the front lines of her mystique, and her neck, if she's alive, has all the mystery of a border town. A no-man's land in that battle between the mind and the body.'

John Milton,'Freedom, baby... is never having to say you're sorry.'

Kevin Lomax,'What about love?'
John Milton,'Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate.'

John Milton,'You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God... and where can you go from there? '

Kevin Lomax,'What are you?'
John Milton,'Oh, I have so many names...'
Kevin Lomax,'Satan.'
John Milton,'Call me Dad.'

Kevin Lomax,'In the Bible you loose. We're destined to lose dad.'
John Milton,'Well consider the source son.'

John Milton,'Free will,its a bitch.'
---'The Devil's Advocate'(1997)

Song of the Moment---Give or Take by Pug-Kelly

Of the Empty Seat and the Flash Movie
Ohh~What a day.Just came back from guitar not long ago.Exhausted,and bored.While others are trying desperately to find the perfect Valentine's Day gifts for the one they like,the one they love,the one they have a crush on,or simply their friends,i am at home wondering when i will see her again.Probably the dumbest thing to hope for and to think about on the days towards Valentine's Day.Afterall,Valentine's Day is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year.A time when you can spend with the one you like and perhaps,the one you love.However,for some its like the day when the results come out.A report card which shows how successful you are in your love life.If you dont have a date on this day then its pretty sad.If you havent had a date for two years thats very very sad.If you havent had a date since forever ago thats very sad and pathetic.Oh well,i dont really care what others say.I will elaborate on that later on.Anyway,i got to class this morning trying to look on the bright side of things.Melvir is my best guy friend from class really.And well,it sucks to know that he left the class and the school to pursue something in his life.I dont have the right to stop him whatsoever,i must admit that.But somehow or another things are different when he's not around.Or rather,when a guy is not around.I was telling a friend of mine on the phone just now,that no matter how close you are to a girl,when asked about their best of friends,a female's name will probably pop up instead of yours.Thats the truth and face it,a guy can never replace a girl.Even if you can,thats a miracle.Anyway,so the class is left with 3 guys.ZhuangYi Hanwei and Me.To some that might be a paradise for males.Afterall you are surrounded by females 24/7.However,from our point of view,it is pretty sad.For some reason 3 of us cant click with each other.They are nice people of course but,ZhuangYi likes soccer and i dont.Hanwei likes computers and i dont.I like guitars and they dont.I cant even come up with any decent topic to talk about everytime im with them.When i sit beside Zhuangyi during maths tutorials all i can do is to sleep or to do a maths question or two.However,when Melvir's around,we will be at the back of the class talking about anything under the sky and beyond.When Ravish was here it was even better.The truth is,its boring without him.Bloody hell,i found myself staring out of the window at the clouds this afternoon during Geography tutorial.Yes it was boring but also,i felt extremely bored coz he was not there to talk cock with me.I know this sounds gay but you guys can think whatever you want to think.Sigh.I never had a problem of deciding who to talk to during breaks or after school.Afterall if i dont have anyone to talk to i will probably talk cock with Melvir in some empty classroom.Nowadays i will leave the room and go to the toilet just to avoid awkwardness.Its not that they are not nice people,but i guess the problem lies with me and i have to deal with it.Melvir you bastard.Anyway,Valentine's Day's in what,3 days?And the mere fact that Cross country is held on that day as well turned most of the students off to a record low.Excited,yes.But they cant accept the fact that they have to go out on a date after sweating and running under the scorching sun.Boring.And as for me,i dont have that kind of problem.If i have the strength left to crawl home to my bed and have a good nap i will be extremely thankful.And as for dates?Quotes Adriel,"Who gives a flying F***?".Indeed,i dont care about dates anyway.Screw those.The last time i tried,it kinda failed so...Screw it.More or less,there is a level of jealousy.The fact that people are enjoying themselves while you stay at home and play computer games?What a turn off?What a bloody bore?What can you possibly do about it?Find Miss Right-Now?Hanwei just messaged me online and gave me this link to this little flash movie.Its about this guy who is not exactly the handsome type of guy,talking about being steadless on Valentine's Day and how he's dealing with it.Well,i guess more or less i can relate to this "Not-so-good-looking" guy.He calls himself Xiao Bing,so i shall address him as that.Anyway,i am no f4,i am not jay chou.And i cant sell a single piece of my photograph even if i paste money on the photo frame.They are not even willing to bring the photo home to drive away evil spirits.Oh well,i am not handsome,i have no charm.I have a dream,which is a foolish dream.Sometimes i doubt if dreaming is anything better than not dreaming at all,since nothing comes to reality and everything become hopeless.I used to tell me friends,when i grow up,i will be satisfied with a good meal and a good wife.With those,i will be very thankful.People told me that it is impossible,or extremely hard to find someone like that.Maybe being handsome is everything?Of course i didnt believe it.Im turning 18 soon,and for 17 years,ive never gave any girls any Valentine's Day gift save for one.That didnt really work out anyway.I never gave anyone else anything because,ive never been liked by anyone before,at least i havent heard of any.For me,i live a very simple life.I try my best to do whatever i need to do all the time,and i believe that it is important to treat the girl that i like,right.I am a self proclaimed nice guy sometimes,however,God played a trick on me every year and well,even though i am a nice guy in some ways,ive never succeeded in my love life.Oh well,some says that when God takes something from you,he will give you back something else.In that case,what did he give to me?Time.He gave me lots of time.Why do you think i am typing nonstop here anyway?The truth is,he took away this girl that i couldve had and exchanged it for time.I can do whatever i like.I can play guitars,read my books,surf internet,do whatever i can and like under the stars.However,i'll glady exchange time with the girl i truely love.There are some people who boasts about their love life,announcing to the world about their relationships,some even has two relationships at the same time.I hate those kind of people.I hate it even more when they are attached,then dump this girl because he saw someone of better looks or boobs.I might be stupid,i might be old fashioned,i might even be giving myself excuses.Perhaps i dont know how good the feeling is to have someone to cuddle with,to hold,to kiss and to love.Perhaps i am too dumb to know and experience that.However,i know that i live with dignity and respect for myself.Oh well,this Valentine's Day i might be lonely,however,i dont mind waiting for HER forever.No matter how many Valentine's Days i have to wait,i will wait.I know there are a lot of girls and guys out there without someone to enjoy this day with,therefore i wish you a happy Valentine's Day.Better luck next year.

This short flash movie is actually for guys.However,girls can watch it too.Its pretty cute.=)
Check out the Flash Movie.

Oh by the way,I am so going for The Lord of the Rings Exhibition at Science Centre,which will last from 13th March to 4th of June!!17 dollars per ticket!!Here i come baby!!
More Infos:The Lord of the Rings Motion Picture Exhibition

Song of the Moment---Fly me to the Moon by Frank Sinatra