Of Now and Forever
Hmm..it is the Chinese New Year..however for some reason im not excited about it at all..im not exactly keen on going out and shop my head off with my friends or spend all the money that i recieved from my parents and grandparents on food and drinks..For some reason i am not even happy this holiday..even though i recieved a relatively large amount of money for this chinese new year..(Dont ask me how much i got...its a 4 digit number..)Anyway,so i stayed at home most of the time and picked up my guitar(Again..)and started to learn some songs...or pick up songs that i havent touched for ages..Managed to play Now and Forever by Richard Marx...which is pretty cool because thats one of my favorite songs of all time..(Considering how suitable it is to sing to my wife-to-be)Im going to Christopher's birthday party at East Coast tomorrow..he's having a chalet but most of my friends are not staying over..afterall we dont know half the people who are staying overnight anyway...but anyway,cant wait to go there and meet some old friends and hopefully make new friends as well..Yesterday night i was online at 130am and i was in an extremely down mood for some reason..i guess it has got to do with life itself and the fact that you will be treated like dogs in NS..(Pretty..)So there i was talking to Krishna when another problem child came into the picture..It was Samantha..(Sorry for the name..:P)She msged me and told me that she wanted to call me...(Fine..)and so i picked up the phone..and without noticing the time we talked till 4am in the morning...What did we talk about on the first day of the chinese new year?well...just pure crap really...just about anything under the sun and beyond really..she was having her problems..(Which i will keep disclosed..)which was unable to be solved for now...so i figured maybe if i can talk to her she will feel much better..so instead of focusing on the problem itself we started talking about the class,the armpit hair yesterday,(Yes not the greatest thing to talk about at 4am..)about J****,even about measurements of penis size..(Yes...)Oh well..i guess we were both really tired and our mouths didnt really say what we want to say...She's a nice person to talk to nontheless..especially at those wee hours of the night when nobody's around...we shared a lot of problems and thoughts about things..and yea...i wont go into details on that one but...its just nice to know that people trusts you with their problems and secrets when you dont even trust yourself on keeping them...Ive been getting a lot of secrets from friends lately..female friends to be exact...and its good to know that there's someone in this world still trusts you...and that they are willing to msg or call you to share their problems and hopefully,from the conversation they will be able to abstract some form of satisfaction,and by the time they hang up they will feel better and have a good night sleep...Krishna once asked me how i did it..to have female friends calling me at night and do what they did...(He's very particular about these things..always getting jealous about extremely minor things..especially when i have dealings with girls..)I never told him an answer because..how did i do it?i never even tried?i guess you just have to set your image right?Im thankful that im not like most guys...only interested in soccer balls or balls itself..(J...)And that i am interested to know people's thoughts and feelings..and their problems...Or maybe i just have an extraordinary tolerance for constant complaining?Hmm..well anyway,like i said i was feeling bad about almost anything around me right now..Mood swing?Maybe..To some that might be a surprise because i dont show the depressed and upset side of me very often..and only to a few individuals..i keep those emotions and feelings inside and keep them locked there so when i feel like its too hard to conceal or too tough to take it...i will unlock them all at once..It might be pretty hard to imagine for some..a Weilien sitting in front of the computer a dread about life?What right has he got to despair?I must admit that i do have a better life than most..So what right do i have?I dont know..i guess people can be unhappy about being unhappy..or unhappy about being happy..(Think about it..)Rich and happy people do have their own problems you know..So i was thinking which me is the real me...Am i really a happy go lucky person in a mood swing or am i really just a moody and depressed person,seeing no light in my future and despair in almost anything i do,only acting to be happy and jumping around cracking jokes to my friends?I ask myself which one of that is me but i never seemed to be able to answer that question..Krishna told me that all i have to do is to be myself..But really...Who am i?I dont recognise myself even when i look through the mirror or touch my face with the tips of my fingers..after all thats only a physical thing..i cant even answer the simple question about my identity..Who am i?I am just a combination of different personality,due to the influence of the people around..so what makes up my personality is really not what i wanted it to be...i bet half of you guys out there have question marks written all over your heads but nevermind..i dont really know what i am typing anyway..Nvm..i shall continue to ponder over the question about my identity..and i want you guys to enjoy your holiday..afterall it only happens once a year eh?;)Enjoy it all right?

Song of the Moment---May I Love You by Zhang Zhi Chen aka Z Chen