Of the Metaphoric Running Track and The Yellow Ring
Exhaused...tired...out of breath...the words that repeated in my mind after i had my PE awhile ago...its the second day of school..the 7th day of the year..the second day of the term...the 2nd day of the week...and what happened?we toiled..we struggled..we dragged ourselves through today's lessons..and guess what?they are not going easy on us...holiday assignments..more tutorials..homeworks and files..more homeworks and group works...tests and more tests...threats and more threats...(Or blackmail if you prefer..)and mind you it is only the second day...today we met our new CT for the first time..Mr Ng Kim Teck if thats how you spell his bloody name..i dont really care anyway..he's a bomb..a boring bomb..which puffs dust and boredom out of it..He's Mr Yee Version 2.0 with advanced technology to bore students out of their wits..I admit i must have been comparing him with Mr Yeo..afterall he WAS our Geography AND CT last year..and so did everyone in class...and he was a really boring and dead teacher...as compared to our jumbo size happy go lucky Mr Yeo last time they are like poles apart...the way they teach is totally different..which means that we have to get over it once and for all..and also...he's too ordinary looking...or extraordinarily boring...if thats how you spell it..Econs Lecture...great news..holiday assignments are to be handed up by tomorrow morning without fail..3 sections with 4 full essay questions and 8 outlines to do..if not handed up we will recieve a withdrawal form for the subject...great....test on monday...failers' parents will be informed about their sons/daughter's results...nice...(Surprisingly Maths was relaxing..no pressure nothing..)PE reminded me..or rather confirmed to myself..the reason why i hate school so much..it reminds me of my weakness..it reminds me of who i cant be...i am weak..a failer if you call it..i cant do pullups..i cant run...i cant do anything physical other than punching someone's face..i cant run the distance because by the time i hit 2 rounds my heart will be grabbing my chest and sucking it in...maybe i am not putting in enough effort..or maybe im just not the physical kinda human being like you bloody Audrey..(PE teacher..)So shut up and go to the saloon and get yr hair done and maybe you'll look more like a bloody female...sorry about what i typed..i just hate PE..i hate to do anything that reminds me of my weakness..my weakness is doing anything physical..sports and stuff are just not what im good at and what i like..i prefer to sit in my room..have a cup of orange juice while reading a good book..maybe my favourite CD in the background playing while i slowly fall asleep...She said,'Its not that you cant run..its just that you are not putting in enough effort..'so please give me 10 good reasons why i should become a person whom i have absolutely no desire to become..please enlighten me because i dont know what the hell you are trying to do..forcing me to run and do the pull ups..I CANT DO IT...face the facts Audrey...just like i did...i am a weakling and nothing could be dont to change that...as i ran i stumbled and kneeled on the track...as i watched helplessly at others running pass me without taking heed of me...or asking if im feeling all right..my stomach was painful due to the emptiness and my legs were numb..my shoes were falling off and my head was throbbing..i couldnt walk straight nor could i squat steadily...i was on the edge of death...i looked up and cleared the sweat from my eyes and stared down the burning track...the afternoon sun scotched the track and i could see far off the tracks disappearing into the horizon...and as if it has melted...it formed a fluid like substance right before my very eyes...the track was red..and instantly it reminded myself of blood..bloody track literally..before and after me...blood spilled all over the track...i staggered up and stroll down the track..and with every step i took i kept wondering if my life is going to be like this bloody track..am i going to die on the track..the track of the school...the running track..the track of life...will i die under the harshness of life itself...maybe i should just kill myself and freaking die on the field..i was the last few to reach the finish line..and as i walked pass it i could hear audrey's sighing behind me...'Oh wont you just shut the hell up and look at yourself..you have no brains!!why do you think you are a PE teacher now?Well developed biceps and triceps but lack of development to the brain area thats why..'is it my fault to have a throbbing headache?or a burning chest?or legs which cannot carry me for long distances?training for NS?what a whole lot of bull...if you are reluctant to train and every time you train you dont succeed..how the heck are you suppose to fight a god damn war?who would you feel if you wake up every morning feeling that you are a damn loser..wearing a mask thinking that there's still some good within you and its worth living for?how would you feel if you are wasting your life away and what you are doing now is not what you actually hope to be doing in the future?how would you feel if you cant succeed in anything you want to do?how would you feel if everyone's better than you?im sick of this bloody life of mine..school life to be exact...i feel like dropping out of school..maybe just kill myself and step off the ledge...i want a Yellow Ring..the Yellow ring from The Magician's Nephew which will transport me to the Woods between two worlds..the wood with no sounds..no noise..no animals or insects..just the pure sound of the trees growing..where i can sit and forget..where i can shut up and regret...regret of ever stepping into my own life...shut up and give me the yellow ring...Get lost right now...just shu...............................................................................................Leave me.