Of Christmas and Homeward Bound
first of all...merry christmas everyone..:)this is an annual thing..hope you guys are enjoying yrselfs..whether you are having a family gathering..or friends gathering at some cafe..or clubbing like a dickhead at some club..or simply staring into deep space on your balcony feeling lonely..hope you guys enjoyed yourselves..yesterday my aunt and uncle brought me and my sister up to taipei again for some christmas eve celebration thing..i really didnt want to go..in fact i'll rather go around the city and do some shopping...but my sister insisted on going because those stupid monkeys aka energy was going to the show..great...so we went there at about 630pm and sat on the first row right in front of the stage..it was located at thos huge park at the centre of taipei..sorta like the central park in new york but this is a little smaller i guess..but its really cool coz its pretty empty and huge..and u can just stroll through the place without people bumping into you whatsoever..so we reached there and the sow started...first it was some stage performance by a bunch of old people from this charity group..then more charity group performances..then more kids singing..then more kids...we were starting to doubt if energy will ever arrive...just when my sister was about to leave the place they came on and my sister started screaming like an idiotic fanatic..i really dont see how good looking those guys are or how well they sing..fine they do dance well but other than that they are more like some money shaking monkeys for the record company..anyway..so there i was in the freezing cold filming with my video camera of them hopping around on stage..well thats at least better than some native taiwanese dude doing solo on stage like some karaoke..get a life dude..so they came on for like 20 minutes or so and we went home..yea great way to spend christmas eve huh?seeing those bloody monkeys dance around the stage while stupid fans scream and shout for them like they are some gods..ridiculous..nowadays humans..especially girls...tend to grow younger and more childish mentally as they grow older physically...exactly whats happening to my sister..so i we walked back to the parking lot we walked through a short cut across the field..there was previously some christmas lighting carnival and here and there there was christmas trees brightly lighted under the star dotted sky..there was some creative light competition of some sort and there was a lot of different kind decorations here and there..was pretty awesome to look at..and romantic too if you ask me..so there i was in the middle of the field thinking about someone that i havent thought about for awhile who was then 3000miles away from me..wonder how she's doing and how she is spending her christmas eve..probably with her family or friends..totally forgeting about my existence..but thats alright..christmas was never special for me anyway..what is christmas anyway?i know its the day when jesus was born and all..and a day of love and stuff..gifts and all..but cut that crap ive never celebrated christmas other than some small gathering amongst my friends..no christmas trees or gifts nothing...christmas to me is just another day...not that i dont want to celebrate..its just that everytime during christmas i just start to think of that special someone..and this time it was her..a day of love?hahahaa..whole lot of crap..why not call it a day of lonliness which will better suit me and my situation..staring at the picture she just updated of herself and her friends..i asked myself if deep in my heart i seriously think that its possible for my damn face to appear beside hers..then i look in the mirror...laughed at myself...the answer?no...what was i thinking?was eating steak lunch just now with my uncle and aunt..tmr i will be flying back to singapore..seriously there's nothing i miss there..in fact if im given a choice i will stay here in taiwan..there's nothing i need there that i cant get here anyway..the one thing..or the one person i desire most abandon me in the fresh winter snow...hahaa..(Go figure)so there's nothing that i really need back there..but the reality is i have to go back..and it sucks..i have to face reality there again..no longer in a dreamland like i am now in taiwan..its just a fun place for friends..food..and pure fun...back in singapore?the harshness of reality pouring down on you like a thunderstorm after noon...or a flash flood in geographical terms...to face school...homeworks..tests..and the fact that i dont have her by my side..just makes me want to break down and tear my face away...probably one day i might just kill myself and step off the ledge of my balcony..i fear reality..i fear life itself..its painfully real and it cuts deep into my mind and all i want to do..is to stay here...homeward bound?am i really going HOME?or just going back to hell?go figure..in the mean time..merry christmas Rs..